Keep Breathing
by SilversGrey
Summary: Lexie kept a secret from Mark, but then again so did he. Now they need to find a way to try to figure out if they can ever really trust each other again. Includes, Mer/Der and Meredith/Lexie with Mark/Der.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok I think its official that I am seriously bored…who in their right mind tries juggling three stories at one time? The only reason I actually wrote this was because I'm having serious writers block with my other two. So hopefully getting this out will help me to keep writing the others.**

**Today has been okay**

"Did you get any sleep at all" Molly questioned Lexie with a look of concern as she passed her a cup of camomile tea.

Lexie solemnly shook her head and took a sip of the much needed tea; it seemed to be the only thing that was keeping her going.

"Lex you need to get _some _sleep after what you've just been through…you're not going to be any good to Madeline like this" Molly tried pleading with her sister, Lexie had hardly slept a wink in the last 72 hours.

Molly had that worried look that only a mother could give, and she had every good reason to be worried. In a little less than three days Molly had faced the real possibility of losing Madeline.

Lexie stubbornly shook her head, "no, I'm not going anywhere, she needs me…she needs her mother" Lexie whispered looking into thin air.

Molly didn't have the energy or the heart to fight with Lexie, she knew exactly what her sister was going through because she had been in that exact same spot just over a year ago. Molly slid closer to Lexie and draped her arm around her shoulders, "it's gonna be ok, Madeline can fight this".

Lexie couldn't say anything, she couldn't fight her sister or believe her…she knew too much, she was a doctor and she knew exactly what her baby girl's chances of surviving were. So instead of say anything Lexie buried her head into the side of her baby sister's neck and cried her eyes out, she was terrified of losing Madeline and a part of her couldn't stop wishing that Mark was there with her.

After a few minutes Lexie pulled away from Molly and wiped her tears away, "god I'm pathetic" Lexie declared, wondering how everything had gone so wrong.

It had only been ten months ago that she was back in Seattle, happily working away inside the halls of Seattle Grace as an Intern while falling completely in love with Mark Sloan.

Only Lexie learnt the hard way that fairytales were only the stuff that dreams were made of…none of it ever came true. Because if it did then Lexie's little girl wouldn't be fighting for her life right now, if fairytales really did exist then she'd be back in Seattle with Mark and happier then she had ever been.

But she wasn't in Seattle, she was in Connecticut and more importantly she wasn't with Mark Sloan, she wasn't with the man she loved and he had no idea about Madeline…and it was his entire fault.

Lexie had thought that they were happy; she had thought that they were moving forward. Well at least she was, but apparently Lexie's mind completely misread the situation once again. While she was happily moving forward and falling deeply in love with Mark he was pulling away, he was getting ready to break her heart just like everyone had told her he would.

Mark began to avoid Lexie and she tried really hard not to take it personally, in fact she had convinced herself that Mark was just really preoccupied with tyring to help save George…but three weeks later Mark had finally bitten the bullet and ended things, he gave her the typical it's not you it's me speech. But it still didn't make any of it hurt any less.

Lexie had tried working with him, she tried to pretend like none of it had ever happened, but Lexie finally had to admit defeat when she walked into Joe's bar one night only to see Mark on a date with one of the nurses. Lexie turned on her heel and left the bar before Mark saw her and went straight home to Meredith's house where she cried herself to sleep.

The next morning Lexie had packed her bags and got on a plane to pay Molly a visit in Connecticut, it was there that she had learnt that she was pregnant and it was there that she realised she could never go back.

Now ten months later she looked like a ghost, she had barely slept in the last three days and she had no idea whether her daughter would make it past the week.

"Has Dr. Carter been in to see you" Molly asked solemnly, she was trying to keep a positive outlook but it was just getting harder and harder.

Lexie shook her head before scrubbing her face with her hands, just as she was about to open her mouth said doctor came walking down the corridor of the hospital.

"Dr. Grey" Dr. Carter greeted her with a remorseful look on his face, Lexie felt her heart stop…she had seen that look on her own face enough times to know what it meant.

"Dr. Carter" Lexie managed to respond with a shaky voice, Lexie was clutching onto the sides of her chair so tightly that her knuckles were beginning to turn white.

"Dr. Grey we've done everything that is possible for your daughter, but I'm afraid she isn't responding to any of the treatments" Dr. Carter explained.

"So what that's it…we just give up and what…watcher her die" Molly began yelling frantically at Dr. Carter, she didn't have the same level of self-control like Lexie.

"Of course not" Dr. Carter responded indignantly, insulted at Molly's insinuation that as Madeline's doctor he was giving up. "Dr. Grey as you know since we've explored all our options the only one available which is left to us is surgical…"

"But the neonatal surgeon is on leave" Lexie cut in, she quickly felt all her lasting energy being drained out of her.

"Yes and that's why I've been making a few phone calls...Dr. Grey this is your decision to make but I would strongly recommend that you consider Dr. Addison Montgomery to perform the procedure, she's the best neonatal surgeon on the west coast" Dr. Carter explained to Lexie.

"I know who she is" Lexie responded, her voice was completely devoid of all emotion as she thought about Addison Montgomery. It was karma's way of kicking her while she was down, the last nine months Lexie had kept questioning herself…kept wondering if she was any better than Addison was when it came to the way she was dealing Mark's baby. And now _Addison _was the only hope she had left for her daughter.

"Now as I said, I made a few phone calls to St. Ambrosia hospital in Los Angeles and they informed me that Dr. Montgomery is currently in Seattle working on a consult…Dr. Grey time is of the utmost importance here, you say the word I will get in contact with Dr. Montgomery before she leaves Seattle Grace…"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute…Seattle Grace, as in Seattle Grace hospital, Seattle" Molly asked in a panic, the last thing that Lexie needed was to be inside the halls of that hospital with _him._

"Make the call" Lexie ordered Dr. Carter, completely ignoring her sister's protests.

"Ok…however there is one small matter, we won't be able to transport your daughter to Seattle Grace without any kind of formal idea. You need to make a decision on her name" Dr. Carter advised Lexie as he held out a set of transport papers for Lexie to fill out.

Lexie quickly grabbed the form and filled out the necessary paperwork, she could hear Molly seething as she read over Lexie's shoulder the information that she had just given Dr. Carter.

"You have got to be kidding me" Molly hissed as she flopped back down on to the empty seat next to Lexie.

"Molly please don't start" Lexie pleaded with her, trying to keep her anger in check.

"Of course I'm going to start with this Lexie, you are taking your daughter to the same hospital that _he _is in…he has no right to her" Molly argued bitterly, the memory of the pain and sorrow that Lexie had been through still fresh in her mind.

"This isn't about Mark or about me Molly, this is about our _daughter_ and doing what ever it takes to make sure that she'll still be here tomorrow" Lexie retorted before storming off in search of Madeline.

************

"Addison" Richard yelled out as he began running down the halls of Seattle Grace, trying to catch up to her. "Addison I've been looking all over for you" he called out just as he managed to catch up to her.

"Well your lucky you caught me I was just about to leave" Addison told Richard while putting on her coat.

"Addison you can't leave" Richard informed Addison with a solemn look on his face.

Addison couldn't help but laugh at the Chief, "Richard do we have to go through this _every time _I come to Seattle? I have a life; I have a job back in L.A…"

Richard shook his head as he held out the piece of paper that had just been faxed through, "I have a three day old newborn being transported here specifically for you to treat" Richard explained to her.

Addison looked at him suspiciously; there was something about the way he said _specifically for you _that told her this was very important. Hesitantly Addison took the piece of paper from Richard and examined the information written down.

It wasn't the part that explained the baby's medical condition which had shocked Addison; it was her name and her parents which caught her off guard…the part which stated in black and white writing:

_**Name: Madeline Grace Sloan.**_

_**Mother: Alexandra Caroline Grey.**_

_**Father: Marcus Dylan Sloan.**_

"Does Mark know" Addison immediately questioned the Chief, her eyes never looking away from the paper.

"No and that's how it's going to stay" Richard explained with that tone in his voice, the one that meant he was serious and that no one in their right mind should even think of challenging him.

Addison's head immediately snapped up with a look of disbelief, "Richard you can't be serious?"

"Addison she'll be arriving in a little less than four hours…so if you're staying your _only _job is to treat her. Whether or not Sloan knows about her or her being here is none of our business…do you understand me?" Richard questioned with a stern look on his face.

Addison shook her head as she let the shock of it all melt away before answering the Chief, Addison didn't agree with the Chief one little bit that it was none of their business whether or not Mark knew about this. But Addison also knew that after what she had done to Mark she owed him this…she owed him to do what ever it took to save his daughter, even if he was being kept in the dark about it.

"I'll call Naomi and let her know that my trip's been extended" Addison answered as she handed Richard the paperwork with a disapproving look on her face and walked away.

"I mean it Addison…you don't say a word to Sloan" Richard yelled out to Addison's retreating back.

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**I'd really appreciate the reviews, and to see what you guys think…haven't decided if I'm going to carry on with it, I guess it just depend on the reviews.**


	2. Shattered Glass

**Thanks to everyone who have reviewed this story and consequently I've decided to keep going with this, so I hope you guys keep on reading whether it be this one or any of my other stories.**

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**Shattered Glass**

"Shouldn't you be on a plane half way to L.A. by now?" Mark questioned Addison with a suspicious look, when he had spoken to her a few hours ago she couldn't wait to return to the sun and beach of L.A.

Addison jumped at the sound of Mark's voice, she laughed nervously at Mark's question as they walked down the corridors of the surgical floor. Addison still hadn't come any closer to making a decision on whether or not she should tell him the truth.

On the one hand she was compelled to tell him because she knew that when Mark finally found out he'd never forgive her for keeping it from him, but on the other hand she didn't want to be the one to put added pressure on Lexie…the woman was already going through hell.

"I was, I was leaving but the Chief asked me to stick around and help out on a patient that's being transported here" Addison answered nervously while she began playing with hair, Mark and Derek had always known that was a clear sign that Addison was lying.

But Mark decided to ignore it, he really wasn't in the mood to deal with Addison's shit…in fact Mark didn't really like dealing with anyone these days, in Callie's own words he had become a hermit and with good reason Mark tried to argue with himself.

Ever since he had broken up with Lexie he had been a complete mess, and to make it worse while he was slowly unraveling and falling apart it seemed that the rest of the hospital carried on like it was just another day.

Meredith and Derek's marriage was still going strong, while Izzie Stevens had returned to work after finally be declared in remission four months ago…and George O'Malley proved just what kind of fighter he really was when he managed to recover from being hit by a bus, he too only recently just returned to work.

But none of it mattered to Mark; everyone's feel good stories meant squat to him because each and every single one of them went on as though Lexie Grey had never even stepped foot inside Seattle Grace Hospital.

He could still remember the look on her face when he had finally done it, Lexie looked like he had just broken her heart into a tiny million pieces…but Mark kept trying to comfort himself with the fact that what he did was for the best.

They had tried working together, Mark's only salvation had been knowing that he at least still got to see her everyday inside the hospital…he still got to hear her voice, to see her smile, but most importantly that she still had to talk to him.

But it wasn't the same and Mark knew that, in the beginning Mark had tried to kid himself into believing that everything would be fine and that he would go back to the wonderful life he had led before Lexie had come along. But it was when the Chief had made the announcement that Lexie Grey _wouldn't _be returning to Seattle Grace that Mark had to stop kidding himself and finally face the facts.

That day Mark had nearly killed one of the Interns, who he had over heard joking that Lexie probably wasn't coming back because she had met another man in Connecticut. Before Mark even realised what he was doing or tried to stop himself his hands were wrapped around the fool's throat while he had him pinned up against the wall.

Just the thought of Lexie moving on, the thought of her being with another man made him sick to his stomach and sent his head in a tail spin. It took Derek, Owen _and _Alex to finally pull Mark away from the Intern…that was the last day that anyone had ever uttered Lexie Grey's name again.

While in that same night Mark had woken up in a cold sweat and as hard as he tried he couldn't breathe properly, for a split second his memory allowed him to forget about his reality as he called out to Lexie. But the moment he was met with nothing but complete silence reality came crashing down around him…that was the last night he spent at the Archfield Hotel.

Camping out in Derek's trailer Mark learnt just how truly big of an idiot he really was, as Callie kept referring to him every time she walked past him or he tried to talk to her. Derek and Callie tried to be supporting friends, they tried to help him through it all with various ways of distracting him…but he could see it, he could see the look of disappointment on their faces.

Mark had literally become a shell of himself; sure he went to work and preformed surgery after surgery. Mark had become so preoccupied with his work as a way of distracting him that the scrub nurses and other doctors couldn't keep up with the amount patients Mark would tend to in one day. It got to the point that Mark had even stopped going back to Derek's trailer, he lived within the walls of the hospital and Derek didn't like it one little bit.

Derek had tried to convince Mark to go to Connecticut, to go and talk to Lexie and try and work things out but he wouldn't…Mark kept going on and on about how he had made a promise and he wasn't going to break it. And when that didn't work Derek tried to convince Mark to at least move in with them, to take Izzie's old room since she and Alex lived in one.

Mark still remembered the day that Derek had made the offer because as soon as the words came out of his mouth Meredith had slapped him on the back of the head, telling him that the last thing Mark would want was to live inside the same house that Lexie had been in…let alone to sleep in the same bed she had been in not so long ago.

Mark respectfully declined the offer; while he appreciated it he didn't see the point in it. It wasn't as though he actually slept anymore; Mark lived off of probably two, maybe three hours worth of sleep a night. It seemed that even sleep was against him, trying to punish him for breaking up with Lexie, because Mark now got even less sleep then he did before he became so dependent on Lexie lying next to him to get a good night's sleep.

But despite this, despite everything that had drastically changed since breaking up with Lexie…despite finally having admitted, to himself at least, that he had fallen in love with her, Mark still believed that he had done the right thing. He had done what was necessary to make sure that Lexie had gotten the one thing she had wanted more than anything else since he had first met her.

"Mark" Addison softly called out as she lightly brushed her fingers against his arm, Mark had retreated into his own little world and Addison was worried about him.

Derek had warned her not to expect the same Mark Sloan, in fact when Derek and Callie were both completely lost on how to help Mark and things had gotten to there absolute worst Derek had even resorted to calling Addison for advice.

It wasn't until seeing Mark now and seeing the toll that this break-up had on him that Addison finally understood just how much Mark had loved her, it also now brought the even bigger issue to the front of her mind.

Addison could see the hell that he was going through just trying to survive the fact that she wasn't there anymore, and that was what made Addison even wearier of telling Mark the truth.

What if Lexie had decided that she didn't want Mark to have any part in their daughter's life, what if she had moved on in Connecticut and now had a life with another man…Mark would never be able to survive that, maybe, just maybe until Lexie was finally ready to deal with this herself ignorance really was bliss in Mark Sloan's case.

Just as Mark was about to answer Addison he quickly reached out to help her keep her balance as one of those fumbling idiots that were considered Interns ploughed straight into Addison, causing her to drop the file she had been keeping guarded closely against her chest.

Mark bent down so he could help collect all the papers that had fallen on to the floor, Addison quickly dropped to her knees and roughly began gathering all the papers in a hurry so that Mark couldn't see them.

Mark had briefly glanced at each paper as he gathered them up, he had seen words written down like PDA, open heart vessel and newborn…it wasn't anything worth catching his eye.

The last paper to be picked up was near Mark's foot, it was too far away for Addison to get to it first, once he had picked up the paper and was about to pass it over to Addison seeing his own name written down caught his eye. Pulling back Mark read and re-read what was written down in black and white, he froze.

Addison saw Mark's entire body tense, his jaw clenched tightly and his hands balled up into fists as though he was getting ready to hit somebody. "Mark" Addison called out as she scrambled back up onto her feet, she could see that Mark was slowly becoming furious as he let it all sink in.

He didn't say anything, Mark didn't know what to say as he let it sink in that he had a daughter…he had a daughter that Lexie had been trying to keep from him and Addison was in on it. Mark looked up at Addison and it made him sick even looking at her, after what she had done to him Mark couldn't believe that Addison was really going to try and keep another child away from him.

"Mark" Addison pleaded; this wasn't how this was supposed to happen.

Mark scrunched up the paper in his hand and stormed off down the hall in the opposite direction, not looking back for a split second.

"Mark, Mark will you stop for a second" Addison yelled out, but she knew that it was pointless.

Addison could slowly feel the anger rising in herself, she wasn't angry at Mark…she was angry at herself, she was angry at Lexie but most importantly she was angry at the damn Intern. "Stupid, pathetic, incompetent Interns…can't you people do anything right other than kill a patient" Addison snapped at Intern Steve, taking her anger out on him before she went chasing after Mark.

************

Mark was furious…no furious didn't even begin to describe what was going through his mind, right now all he could do was keep picturing the words that had been written in black and white, _Madeline Grace Sloan…father: Marcus Dylan Sloan_.

He was a father; a father to a little baby girl and Lexie had kept it from him Mark thought to himself as he stormed down the corridors of the hospital that lead to his destination. Mark knew that he had hurt her, he knew that Lexie had scars from what he had done to her but did that really give her the right to keep him from his own daughter…from his own flesh and blood.

_She probably thought that the baby would be better off without you_ Mark could hear being whispered in the back of his head, he stoped walking as he thought about that. The more he considered it the more sense it made to him, Lexie had kept their daughter from him because he would have made a terrible father just like his won father was…Addison had known that, so wasn't it only inevitable that Lexie would come to the same conclusion.

But that still didn't make it hurt any less or ease his anger knowing that the woman he loved and the woman he considered a friend would lie to him like that.

Having reached his destination Mark stormed into the office, he slammed the door so hard that the glass running along the walls on both sides began to shake.

Derek jumped at the sound of the slamming door and looked up to see a furious Mark pacing up and down his office; Derek was concerned because he had never seen Mark this angry before. "Doesn't anyone know how to knock anymore?" Derek joked lightly, hoping that it would ease some of the tension surrounding Mark and calm him down.

Mark immediately stopped pacing and slammed his hands down against Derek's table, the right still holding the scrunched up piece of paper. "I have a daughter" Mark hissed with a strained voiced, he really didn't know how else to announce his discovery to Derek.

Derek opened his mouth to speak, he had even thought of making a joke about it but the look on Mark's face and the way he was standing warned him not to. Derek paused to give himself a moment to figure out what to say, "are you sure?" Derek questioned hesitantly, he really didn't know what else to say.

Mark didn't answer him; instead he straightened up and threw the piece of scrunched up paper at Derek before he sat down on the edge of the couch.

Derek smoothed out the piece of paper on his desk and read what was written down, he was stunned…speechless to say the least. Derek opened his mouth two or three times to say something but he couldn't seem to find the right words.

Picking up the piece of paper Derek made his way around the desk and leant against the edge of the table, just as he was about to say something Addison threw the door open. With both pair of eyes trained on her Addison hesitantly walked into the room, "Mark…"

"Get out Addison" Mark ordered, immediately jumping up from the couch.

"No" Addison answered stubbornly as she stood there with her arms crossed; she was standing her ground and refused to go anywhere until Mark heard her out.

"_I said get out Addison!_" Mark roared as he violently kicked the empty chair in front of him really hard.

Derek and Addison both jumped as the chair slammed into the bookcase and at the sound of books falling off of the shelf, Derek glanced over at Addison with a concerned look before turning back to Mark. Derek had known Mark for twenty years yet he had never seen him that angry before.

"Mark will you just give me a minute to let me explain" Addison pleaded with Mark as she hesitantly took a step closer towards him.

Mark shook his head and stepped back from Addison, "what for, you and Lexie have already made it pretty clear what you both think. It seems that after what you did and after Lexie lying to me about this the two of you have decided to form some kind of _Mark Sloan Anti-father camp_" Mark yelled out, Mark knew that this wasn't just about Lexie lying to him anymore. He was quickly letting all the anger he had once had towards Addison and towards what she had down spill over into all of this, Mark thought he had finally let that all go.

"I get the message loud and clear that you both think I would have made a terrible father…hell Lexie's decided that my daughter would be better off with _no _father rather than having_ me_ in her life. So _no _Addison, I quite frankly don't want to hear anything you have to say" Mark retorted before walking out of the room.

"Mark" Addison called out to Mark's retreating back pleadingly, Lexie still hadn't even arrived yet and all hell was breaking loose.

"What the hell were you thinking Addison?" Derek questioned through gritted teeth, he was using all his will power not to explode on her the same way Mark had.

"Don't you start with me" Addison warned with a glaring look, she didn't need to be fighting with Derek as well.

"Addison you lost the right to order me around when you decided that it was ok to keep my best friend in the dark about his own _daughter _and her welfare" Derek argued with a strained voice.

The last ten months had already been hard enough on Mark and know this; Derek shook his head in disappointment as he wondered when Mark was finally going to get a break.

"Richard made me" Addison exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, making a mental not to give Richard and good talking to.

"He what" Derek questioned disbelievingly, he wanted to make sure that he had heard Addison correctly because it sound a hell of a lot like she was telling him that Richard had been the one who wanted to keep Mark in the dark.

"He ordered me _not _to tell Mark" Addison explained a bit more calmly as she walked over and leant against Derek's table beside him.

Derek scoffed at Addison's excuse, "Addison you don't work here anymore…and beside since when did you actually start _listening _to anything Richard Webber had to say?" Derek questioned with an amused grin. He was still mad at her but he could slowly begin to see that Addison was stuck in an impossible situation.

"What's wrong with her exactly?" Derek questioned hesitantly, hoping that it wasn't anything too serious that would send Mark completely over the edge.

Addison sighed in exhaustion; the whole situation only seemed to be getting worse by the minute. "She has Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA)…it's where the baby's blood vessel in the heart known as the ductus arterious is still opened because the baby's body doesn't stop making a chemical compound known as prostaglandin E, the doctors had tried every non-invasive procedure to fix it but nothing worked…" Addison managed to explain all in one go. While Addison hadn't actually examined her yet from what she had read it looked like Madeline had a good chance.

Derek stood up and began making his way over to the door, "where are you going?" Addison questioned Derek with a frown.

Derek shook his head in disbelief, "my best friend just found out that the woman he loves has been hiding the fact that he was going to be a father…I need to track Mark down before he actually does get to kill an Intern this time" Derek answered, quickly walking out of the room just as Addison's pager went off signalling Lexie's arrival.

************

"What do you think you're doing?" Derek questioned Mark with a stern look on his face. He had been to every single floor of the hospital in search of Mark until he was finally informed by George that he was scrubbing in on Hunt's burn patient.

"What does it look like I'm doing; Hunt has a burns patient lying on the operating table with third degree burns…that's something that's usually left to a plastic surgeon" Mark answered like he was talking to a two year old while he continued scrubbing in.

"Stop being a smart ass" Derek ordered and turned to Owen, "Dr. Hunt could you give us a second please" Derek asked.

Owen didn't need to be told twice, he had seen that there was something wrong with Mark the minute he had walked into the scrub room. Owen immediately turned the tap; "I'll just be waiting in there" Owen informed them as he pointed to the O.R. room with his elbow.

Derek held his tongue while they waited for Owen and the remaining scrub nurses to enter the O.R., once Derek knew that there was no chance of anyone over hearing them he quickly spoke his piece. "You're not scrubbing in on this surgery" Derek announced with a stern look on his face.

Mark laughed at Derek, "that's a good one Derek, who else is going to perform the surgery…_you_".

"There are other plastic surgeons in this hospital, Owen can get one of them in on this but you are not stepping foot inside that surgery" Derek retorted.

Mark shook his head and after turning the water off began walking towards the O.R., Derek quickly grabbed him by the arm and held Mark in his spot. "The guy in there needs a surgeon who has his head screwed on straight and right now that isn't you" Derek reasoned with Mark, he had a pleading look on his face for Mark to listen.

"Mark you just found out that you have a daughter that's being brought here for medical attention…she needs her father Mark, and there's no way that you can be completely focused on that patient knowing that your daughter is in the same hospital" Derek argued with Mark.

Mark quickly pulled his arm away from Derek, he hadn't calmed down about the fact that Lexie had lied to him. But he had come to accept the fact that Lexie didn't want him to have any part of their daughter's life. "I don't have a daughter Derek, Lexie's already made that pretty clear and she's the one who made the decision that _her _daughter doesn't need a father…so I'm going to do exactly what she wants and stay the hell away from the both of them" Mark announced before walking into the O.R.

Derek stood in the scrub room as he shook his head in disbelief, he knew as well as Mark did that there was no way Mark could just _forget _that he had a daughter. Mark was hurt, he felt like he had been betrayed by the one person he loved so he was doing what he did best…he was putting a wall up around himself, trying to block out the reality of it all. Derek watched as Mark made his first incision with the scalpel in his hand, Mark couldn't hide inside the O.R. forever.

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**Keep the reviews coming guys, I'm actually getting really excited about writing this story…think this might actually become my favourite one. **


	3. Drowning On Dry Land

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story, so I hope you guys keep on reading whether it be this one or any of my other stories.**

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**Drowning On Dry Land **

"Are you sure about this?" Molly questioned Lexie for the millionth time since she had made her decision to come to Seattle Grace.

Lexie didn't answer Molly; she couldn't because she didn't know what to say…actually that was lie. There were so many things that Lexie wanted to say, but she didn't know how.

She wanted to tell her sister that _no _she wasn't sure about this or that _no _she hadn't really thought any of this through…but most importantly she wanted to say yes to the question she knew that Molly wanted to ask but couldn't bring herself to ask, _yes _she was still madly and hopelessly in love with Mark and always would be.

Instead Lexie kept quiet as she continued to watch Addison examine Madeline through the glass window of her hospital room, Addison had requested that they wait outside.

Sometimes Lexie still couldn't believe that she was even real, housed inside the tiny incubator Madeline looked like a porcelain doll that was ready to fall apart at any minute and that was the part that scared her the most.

From the moment that Madeline was born, from the moment that Lexie had been told that her daughter was ill there had been a constant sense of dread and panic that had taken over her.

But right now, standing inside the walls of Seattle Grace, for the first time in the last three days Lexie felt calm, she felt safe and protected…because in the back of her mind she knew that Mark was somewhere inside the hospital.

Lexie had to try not to laugh at the irony of it all, it was because of him that she had been hurt and yet despite it all, knowing that he was close by made her feel safe…made her feel stronger.

Lexie's eyes followed Addison as she walked out of the room before quickly returning to her sleeping baby girl, so absorbed with watching Madeline it wasn't until Addison spoke that Lexie realised she was standing next to her.

"Molly there's a coffee cart on the fourth floor, Lexie really looks like she could use a cup of tea and maybe something to eat" Addison suggested to the younger Grey sister.

There was something about Molly that made Addison rather suspicious about her, something that told her she couldn't trust the woman when it came to Mark and Lexie.

Lexie had only met Addison once during her time here in Seattle and even then it was brief, but she could spot a brush off from a mile away. Addison was trying to get rid of Molly so that she could talk to Lexie in private, Lexie didn't need to be a genius to know about what.

"Could you" Lexie asked Molly softly, trying to look like a woman who was in desperate need of food.

Molly looked back and forth between Addison and Lexie hesitantly, she didn't like this one little bit. Her sister had this whole other life here at Seattle Grace, a life with all these people that Molly had never met…a life that didn't include her.

"Ok" Molly reluctantly agreed, because while she didn't like the idea of leaving Lexie alone with Addison she also didn't want to add to her sister's troubles.

Addison eyed Molly as she stepped on to the elevator, Addison was almost afraid to speak until Molly was completely out of sight in case she heard anything.

As the doors of the elevator closed Addison walked around to take Molly's place beside Lexie and looked at her, really looked at her.

Lexie looked like hell and Addison hated the fact that she had to be the one to make things worse; Lexie still had no idea that Mark knew the truth about Madeline, and now she had to be the one to tell her.

"Mark knows" Addison announced abruptly, deciding that going with the honest truth was the best thing for everyone.

Lexie closed her eyes for a few seconds as she felt her heart begin to pound faster, her head kept replaying the words over and over again…_Mark knows_.

A part of Lexie couldn't help but feel relieved that the job of telling Mark the truth had been taken out of her hands, while on the other hand Lexie couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't here then.

Lexie shrugged, trying to play it off as though it was no big deal whether or not Mark knew about Madeline. "It was inevitable that Mark would find out, this hospital isn't exactly known for keeping secrets" Lexie tried to comment casually as she looked over at Addison.

The look on Addison's face clearly told Lexie that she wasn't buying her cool and collected act, and that was just what it was…an act. The truth was that Lexie was slowly falling apart on the inside, despite having her sister here with her she still felt so alone. She still felt like she was screaming in the middle of a crowded room but no one was listening.

"The only people who know about this are the Chief, Derek, Mark and myself…and that's the way it's going to stay" Addison tried to reassure Lexie. "The last thing either you or Mark need is to be listening to hospital gossip right now" Addison explained, hoping that Lexie would understand her silent suggestion to try and ignore them.

"How is he?" Lexie asked before she could even stop herself, a rational woman wouldn't be asking about the welfare of a man who had broken her heart. But Lexie wasn't rational, at least whenever it came to Mark that is, Lexie had always gone with her gut and threw logic out the door…but she'd never regret it. How could she when the end of result was her beautiful baby girl that was lying in an incubator.

Addison looked at Madeline for a split second before turning her attention back to Lexie; she didn't know how to answer the woman's question. Was she supposed to tell her just how broken he was or was she supposed to put on a fake smile and lie through her teeth?

"He isn't the same Mark" Addison answered with a defeated sigh, she had tried things Richard's way and it blew up in her face. She wasn't going to make the same mistake a second time, "Derek warned me when I told him I was coming to Seattle, I thought that he was just being over dramatic…but he's not, he's not the same Mark Sloan and we don't know how to get him back" Addison truthfully told Lexie.

"I have to ask you something" Addison declared as she looked over at Madeline, if she was going to really stick herself in the middle of this to try and help Mark then she needed to know the truth…she needed to know that she wasn't setting Mark up for further heartache. "Mark's furious with you…with the both of us, after what I did and you, you not telling him the truth…Mark thinks that you purposely kept this from him because he'd be a terrible father to Madeline…" Addison studied Lexie closely, hesitating with her question. "Is it true, do you really think that Mark would be such an awful dad to have around?"

Lexie walked away from Addison and made her way inside Madeline's hospital room, Addison trailing right behind her.

She stood beside Madeline and traced her finger along the plastic lid which was separating her from her daughter, the whole time thinking about Addison's question…_would Mark be an awful dad?_

It still took Lexie's breath away just how much Madeline looked like her father, she was a living testament to the name _little Sloan_. As she stood there watching her little baby girl who looked so pale with her tiny lips, which were slightly blue because of the lack of blood, shaped around a breathing tube Lexie studied her face. Madeline had Mark's nose, she also had his ears and his lips…the only thing Madeline seemed to have inherited from Lexie was her cheeks.

But there was one thing that troubled Lexie the most and that were her eyes; since she was born Madeline still hadn't opened her eyes. Lexie didn't know whether they were blue or brown…she prayed to god that they were blue. That her little girl would open up her eyes any minute now to look at her mother with a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes that Lexie had ever seen, just like her father's.

"No, I don't think that Mark would be an awful dad" Lexie finally answered as the tears began to roll down her cheeks, "I think that he would be the most amazing father that Madeline could have ever asked for…she'd be a lucky girl to have Mark by her side, looking out for her, protecting her…"

"Then you need to tell him Lexie, you need to talk to Mark and explain why you never told him about Madeline until now" Addison tried to reason with her. She didn't need to hear anymore, she already got the answer she was looking for.

"How" Lexie questioned between sobs, she knew that she had screwed things up. She knew that despite everything that had happened she should have told Mark the truth but it's too late to be living in the past.

Addison opened her mouth to answer Lexie's question but quickly closed it again, she didn't have an answer to that. Besides she was the last person to be lecturing Lexie on what to do when it came to Mark Sloan's baby, it was then that Addison was hit with the truth.

She had thought that she had put it all away, that she had moved past from her own baby, but…but when she first saw Madeline Addison wondered. She wondered if her child would have looked like Mark if she had gone through with it, if they would have had a boy or a girl.

"I never told Mark" Addison declared as she squeezed Lexie's shoulder in a comforting gesture, "I had an abortion and I never told him about what I intended to do…I went and did it, just like that without even second guessing my decision. When I finally did tell Mark what I had done, I uhh, I had never seen him look at me like that before" Addison struggled to explain, she could slowly feel the emotion of it all take control.

"But do you know what the worst part of it was…when Mark asked me why I had done it, why I hadn't talked to him first I couldn't answer him. And Mark jumped to the conclusion that I had done it because I didn't want _his _baby, because I didn't love him enough to have his child…and I let believe him think that he would have been a terrible farther because it was easier, it was easier then facing my own demons" Addison finally admitted out loud.

Addison had never really allowed herself time to grieve or time to even think about their child, it was easier that way because then she wouldn't have to deal with the reality of her decision. The scars that came along with it not only for Mark but for her as well, especially her.

Addison cleared her throat as she tried to gain control over her emotions again, she could feel her cheeks burning red from embarrassment. "If Mark could find it in himself to forgive me, then I'm pretty sure that he can forgive the woman he loves. But you need to tell him, you need to be honest with him Lexie because if you're not", Addison paused as she looked over shoulder to Madeline and back at Lexie, "neither of them will ever forgive you".

Lexie solemnly nodded her head as she watched Addison walk out of the room; she knew that the neonatal surgeon was right…though she didn't agree with Addison's assessment of Mark loving her.

But nevertheless she knew that she needed to have that long and awkward conversation not only for Madeline's sake but for the both of them. But she was scared; she was scared that once she finally looked Mark in the eyes she would see nothing but complete hatred and bitterness towards her.

Lexie prayed like there was no tomorrow that Madeline would survive, that Addison would save her daughter's life because as long as Madeline was with her she would always have a piece of Mark…no matter how much Mark would hate her for it.

************

"How's your patient" Richard questioned Addison, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

"Uhh, umm…she's fine" Addison answered nervously.

"Good and we're still on the same page about _not _informing Dr. Sloan about this new development" Richard stated while nodding his head, trying to convince Addison to go along with it.

Addison scoffed in disbelief, "no actually we're not" she announced as she turned her attention back to Madeline's chart that was lying in front of her.

"Addison Montgomery please tell me that you didn't tell Sloan about his daughter" Richard pleaded, he had already had his fill of Mark Sloan moping around the hospital for the last ten months…he didn't need a homicidal plastic surgeon.

"I didn't, your Intern did…and I really think that you need to start teaching them properly" Addison suggested with a hint of venom in her voice, she couldn't believe that Richard was acting like this. "Why was the thought of Mark finding out about Madeline so inconceivable to you?" Addison questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Because all he ever thinks about is this damn hospital" Derek cut in standing in front of Addison with his arms crossed, looking Richard straight in the eye. "Admit it Richard, you didn't want Mark to know the truth about Madeline because you were afraid that Mark might actually heal…that he'd become the man he was before all of us happened. And we all know just how much you love the _new _Mark Sloan…all you give a crap about is the fact that Mark's brought in double the revenue in the last ten months then he has since he started here" Derek ripped into Richard, allowing all his anger to pore out of him.

"Dr. Shepherd" Richard called out as he tried to calm Derek down, while his head of Neurosurgery wasn't completely right Richard was a bit embarrassed by what he had said. It wasn't a secret that while Mark had been personally going through hell Richard didn't mind that it was bringing in more revenue for the hospital. "I um, I have to see Dr. Bailey about something" Richard explained nervously before walking away from Addison and Derek.

Addison shook her head, "you know you're setting yourself up to get fired if you keep going like that" Addison commented while closing the file.

Derek scoffed at Addison, "please, he'll never fire me or Mark" Derek answered confidently.

Addison smiled as she rolled her eyes, "tell me something were you as this cocky when we were married…or this a Grey thing"

Derek laughed rather than answering Addison's question, but as he read the name that was written on the top of Addison's file he immediately sobered up. "How is she?" he questioned with a look of sincerity, though he wasn't sure whether he was asking about Lexie of Madeline.

"Baby is good, I'm about to take her into surgery and I'm expecting her to make a full recovery" Addison answered with an even bigger boost of confidence then Derek just had. "Mom on the other hand is a different story" Addison answered hesitantly, she wasn't sure what Derek's feelings were towards Lexie. "She looks even worse than Mark…if that's even humanly possible. Speaking of daddy, where is Mark?" Addison questioned suspiciously.

Derek sighed woefully as he thought of Mark up in the O.R. with a scalpel in his hand, "he's in surgery…"

"What?" Addison exclaimed in complete shock, she shook her head as she tried to wrap her mind around it. "Oh this is just terrific, Mark's gone from self-pity to self-destruction via killing patients and having the medical board revoke his licence for mal practice" Addison declared dramatically while trying to keep her own anger in check, unable to believe that Mark would compromise the welfare of a patient like that.

"He's hiding" Derek argued in Mark's defense for whatever little good it did, "he thinks that as long as he's inside the O.R. he doesn't have to deal with Madeline and Lexie".

"He has to come out of that O.R. sometime" Addison answered sympathetically, she slowly began to understand_ why _Mark was operating…hadn't she and Derek used the O.R. as a shield once or twice.

Derek was about to answer Addison when his pager began to go off, quickly looking at the 911 page and being told that it was in O.R. 3 Derek turned to Addison. "I have to run, I'll talk to you later" Derek explained before running to the elevators.

Addison shook her head; Derek and Mark weren't behaving like their usual selves…but then again they weren't the same the men she had known in New York.

************

"You paged?" Derek questioned Owen as he walked into the scrub room with a no nonsense look about him.

Owen nudged his head towards the O.R. where Mark was sitting on the floor with his legs up against his chest opposite the door, "he's just been sitting there for the last half-hour…I tried everything to get him to leave but he won't move" Owen explained with a remorseful look on his face.

Derek slapped Owen on the back, "its ok I got this, why don't you go and check up on your patient" Derek suggested while he continued to watch Mark.

Owen solemnly nodded his head, "page me if you need a hand" Owen told Derek before walking out of the scrub room despite not really understanding what the hell was going on.

Derek sighed as he braced himself for what was about to happen, Derek used to be a master at handling Mark and being able to predict his moods.

Derek pushed the O.R. door open and slowly made his way over to Mark, he stood beside him towering over Mark. He didn't say anything, he just continued to sit there and stare at the tiles on the floor…he had a blank look on his face, like there was no one really there.

Derek slid down the wall and sat down beside Mark, he waited patiently for his best friend to take his time. Derek didn't want to push Mark, he was afraid of what the reaction would be after what had happened in his office.

"I nearly killed him" Mark announced in a husky voice, he was bitting down on his thumb as he thought about what had happened during the surgery.

"Mark"

"I nearly killed him…I should have been focused but I wasn't, I kept going over it in my mind. She lied to me, she kept my own daughter from me, my _daughter_" Mark whispered, he still had this detached look on his face that was scaring Derek.

"What happened?" Derek questioned hesitantly, lately Mark wasn't a man of many words so when he did talk Derek and Callie usually tried to keep the ball rolling.

Mark shook his head to clear his thoughts, "he became tachacardic…I wasn't paying attention and by the time I finally realised what was going on he had gone into cardiopulmonary arrest and I froze, I froze and Hunt had to push me aside…"

"Mark you dodged a bullet…shouldn't have even been in here in the first place" Derek reasoned with him, while he could understand that Mark was going through something right now it still didn't make any excuses.

"I know" Mark retorted, he closed his eyes as he leant his head against the wall. "If it wasn't for Hunt…I could have killed an innocent man because I couldn't get all my shit together" Mark snapped. He was angry…he was angry at himself, he was angry at Lexie, he was angry at Addison but most importantly he was angry at the world in general.

"Mark you can't just wrap your head around the fact that you have a daughter in five minutes" Derek argued, "and don't even try arguing that you don't or that you don't care about her because you just nearly killed man" Derek quickly added as Mark opened his mouth to protest.

Mark sighed in defeat because he knew that Derek was right, he knew that despite everything he couldn't walk away from the fact that he had a daughter…a daughter who was sick.

Mark tried to tell Derek that it didn't matter, that Lexie lying to him wasn't what mattered but it did matter. It felt like she had taken something from him and now Mark wasn't even sure how to get it back, she denied him the right to be there for her, to be there when their daughter was born.

"Mark I've known you for twenty years, and I know that you're not hiding in here because you don't want to deal with this or because you're angry. Sure you're angry at Lexie, but that's not why you've put that wall back up…you're hiding because you're scared, because now you really have something to lose and you think that by not allowing yourself to become attached...to not know her, that it would hurt less" Derek analysed with a faint smile as Mark glared at him, he knew how much Mark hated all the psychoanalysing stuff that shrinks used on their patients.

"I could have been a good father if she had let me, I would have been there the whole way through. I would have loved her and protected her like any other father would have" Mark whispered, he was looking at Derek with a pleading look for him confirm this. To tell him that he agreed that could have been a father.

Derek smirked at Mark; suddenly he was hit with an idea and quickly jumped up onto his feet. "So prove it to her Mark, prove it to Lexie and to _Madeline _that you can be the father that they both need you to be…it's not too late" Derek encouraged him as he held his hand out to help Mark up onto his feet.

Mark hesitated as he looked Derek in the eyes and then down towards his out stretched hand, "you either sink or swim, but the choice is in your hands" Derek explained. He had an encouraging smile on his face; he knew Mark could do this with out a single doubt in his mind.

Mark smiled for the first time since all of this started as he grabbed Derek's hand rose to his feet, without any real assistance from Derek. He was going to do it, he was going to be the father that _Madeline _needed and he didn't care what Lexie had to say…if she wanted to keep him away then she'd have to fight him tooth and nail.

************

Derek and Mark quietly snuck into the closed gallery just as Addison was preparing to start the surgery, Mark could barely make out Madeline's small body on the operating table. But his heart still skipped a beat knowing that it was his little girl lying on the table down there, he need to hold on to the belief that Addison could be a god for the day and save his daughter.

Addison could sense someone watching her and as she looked up into the gallery, she instantly smiled behind her surgical mask as she locked eyes with Mark who was sitting on the edge of his seat. They both nodded there heads at the same time before Addison turned to one of the scrub nurses, "as Dr. Shepherd would say…it's a beautiful day to save a life" Addison declared as she held her hand out for the scalpel.

Derek laughed as he herd his ex-wife mimic him, "don't people ever get tired of trying to be like me" Derek teased hoping that it would ease some of the tension in the room.

Mark was so absorbed in paying attention to every detail of Addison's surgery but it still didn't stop him from faintly smiling at Derek's joke.

************

**I promise that next chapter will actually have Mark and Lexie talking to one another…though don't expect it to be all warm and fuzzy. And I'll even spill on why Mark really broke up with Lexie…but you guys have to review if you want it. **


	4. Sweet Child O'mine

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story, so I hope you guys keep on reading whether it be this one or any of my other stories.**

************

**Sweet Child O'mine**

Mark paced up and down the corridor of the NICU hallway, it had been twenty-fours since Addison had operated on his little girl…yet he still couldn't bring himself to actually walk into the room.

He had promised himself that he would fight Lexie if she tried to keep his daughter away from him, and he new that it was crazy…that _he _was crazy. But there was a part of him that was nervous that she wouldn't like him, which was ridiculous Mark kept telling himself because she was only baby. She wasn't old enough to know who he was or to judge whether or not he was a good man.

"Mark" Addison called out with a raised eyebrow, she had seen him pacing up and down but ignored him. She was trying to give him some time to be comfortable with the idea.

But an hour of pacing was just becoming ridiculous, not to mention the fact that it made it difficult for Addison to concentrate on Madeline's check up with Mark right outside the door.

"Addison" Mark greeted her rather formerly, he had moved on from the incident that had happened in Derek's office but that still didn't mean that he wasn't embarrassed about it.

"I'm sorry" Mark blurted out before he lost the nerve to do it, "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that back in Derek's office it's just….I needed someone to take my anger out on and you were there…" he was saying but stopped as Addison began shaking her head.

"Mark you don't owe me anything ok, you were right. I shouldn't have kept this from you, and I will keep apologising until I can make this right" Addison softly spoke with a crooked smile.

Mark smiled back at Addison as he gave her hug, "thank you" he murmured in her ear before giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Addison pulled back with a smile, "no thanks necessary. Now why don't you come inside and actually meet your daughter" Addison suggested.

Mark froze has his heart began to pound faster and faster, the idea was so enticing yet so terrifying at the same time. He looked over Addison's shoulder as he scanned the room through the window, looking for something.

Addison shook her head, she knew exactly what Mark was looking for…no, _hiding _from, and it was beyond her understanding how the two of them were going to actually talk it out if they kept tryin to avoid each other.

"She's not here" Addison announced with a guarded look on her face, "Molly finally convinced her to at least take a nap in one of the on-call rooms about an hour ago…the coast is clear Mark" Addison told him sarcastically.

Mark sighed in relief because as much as he wanted to see his daughter he just wasn't ready to deal with Lexie right now. Where Lexie was concerned Mark was so messed up that it wasn't eve funny to begin with, he was mad as hell that she had kept their daughter from him but that didn't mean that he had ever stopped loving her.

"Come on" Addison whined as she dragged Mark into the room and stoped just in front of the incubator.

Addison carefully studied Madeline, in twenty-four hours she had already made such an improvement. The colour in her lips and in her skin had come back and just this morning Addison was happy to declare that she could come off the ventilator…in fact other than the scar from her surgery Madeline looked like any other newborn baby.

"She's doing amazingly well…I'm guessing that's the stubborn Sloan gene coming out of her" Addison joked hoping that it would lighten the mood. "Lexie should be able to take her home in about four days" Addison explained with a proud smile, but Mark wasn't actually listening.

She looked over at Mark and saw how mesmerised he was by the baby, he could barely stop looking at her and that brought a smile to Addison's face. Mark looked in awe of his daughter; it was almost as though he couldn't believe that she belonged to him.

"Do you want to hold her" Addison asked with a smirk on her face.

"What" Mark asked in surprise, he had thought just getting to see her would have been enough for him right now…but to hold her, to actually be able to pick her up. Mark's smile turned into a frown, he couldn't help but wonder if Lexie would even _want _him holding her.

"Look it's not as scary as you think it is" Addison told him as she picked up the sleeping baby and turned to Mark, "hold your hands out" Addison instructed him.

Mark didn't move a muscle, instead he stood there watching Addison hold his child and it all just seemed quite wrong to him. Somehow the thought of Addison and his child didn't go in hand to hand…but Lexie, Lexie was a different story.

Before Mark even realised what he was saying or what he was doing he heard the words come out of his mouth, "you did the right thing".

"I'm sorry" Addison questioned with a frown while still holding onto Madeline, something told her that she knew exactly what Mark was talking about.

Mark scrubbed his face before looking at Addison, "don't get me wrong, I'm…I'm always going to wonder what our baby would have been like. But, seeing you now like this, holding her" Mark explained pointing to Madeline, "I finally get what you meant. It never would have worked between us, and a poor baby would have been stuck in the middle of it all" Mark whispered.

Addison closed her eyes so she could pull herself together as she nodded her head; she looked down at Madeline and the spitting image that she was of Mark. "Having a baby means a hell of a lot more when it's with the person you love" Addison explained, signalling to Mark that she could still read him and she knew that he loved Lexie. "Now hold out your hands" Addison ordered again with a smile.

Trying to hide his own excitement Mark held his hands out as Addison gently handed Madeline over to him, "Madeline Grace Sloan meet your father" she declared in a hushed whisper.

As Mark softly tightened his grip on her to make sure that he didn't drop her Addison quietly snuck out of the room, deciding that Mark could use some alone time with his daughter.

Mark pulled Madeline closer towards his chest and bent down so he could softly kiss her on the forehead; she still hadn't stirred even for a single second. He slowly made his way over to the rocking chair that was sitting in front of the incubator.

After having sat down Mark gently pulled out her hands and feet so he could look at them, completely fascinated by how tiny they were. He then finally looked her in the face and Mark could have sworn that his heart stopped, she looked exactly like him except for having Lexie's rosy red cheeks. He couldn't help but smile goofily at her as she continued to sleep in his arms; he had a daughter…a daughter that already had him wrapped around her finger even if she didn't know it.

"Hi" Mark softly whispered as he began rocking her to make sure that she kept sleeping, he knew that after what she had been through she needed all the sleep she could get.

"I'm your daddy" Mark said in a shaky voice, unable to even believe himself as he heard the words come out of his own mouth. "I know that this isn't how your mommy planned for any of this to happen…but you'll learn pretty soon that your mommy and daddy aren't really the planning kind of people. But I need you do something for me ok" Mark asked her softly and waited as though she was actually going to answer him.

But she did, in Madeline Sloan's own way she answered her father as she opened her eyes for the very first time in her short little life. She looked up into Mark's face with her big blue eyes and continued to lie comfortably in his arms; it was like she knew that she was exactly where she belonged and as though she knew exactly who he was.

Mark couldn't help but smile as her big blue eyes stared back at him, "you're going to be too smart for your own good aren't you? Well ok course you are because hopefully you'll take after your mommy. She's a very smart lady and a very pretty lady too….but don't tell her I said that because she can get a big head sometimes" Mark told Madeline in a silly voice.

Lexie stood at the foot of the door as she listened to Mark talk to their daughter while he held her in his arms; she quickly wiped away the tear that had managed to escape. She couldn't help it…Mark being a part of Madeline's life was all she ever wanted, but things just seemed to have gotten out of control before she could even stop it.

"So like I was saying there's something I need you to do" Mark carried on with his back to Lexie, oblivious that she was even in the room. "I need you to be a good girl for mommy, and more importantly I need you to get better. Because I don't think mommy could handle it if something happened to you…neither could daddy" Mark explained, whispering the later part.

Lexie's heart skipped a bit as she listened to Mark say those words, as twisted as it may have seemed, hearing those words gave her some sort of hope. Hope that he didn't completely hate her, hope that they could at least still be friends…because after what she did Lexie wasn't crazy to expect anything more than that.

"But you see Gracie, If you don't mind I'm going to call you Gracie because you're daddy's little girl and you need a special name that's just between the two of us," Mark explained and at that moment Madeline blinked her eyes, Mark took that as a yes.

Mark leant down and kissed her softly on the cheek, and as he pulled away Mark could have sworn that he had seen her smile. "Gracie I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me but I am now, nobody and I mean nobody is going to take me away from you ok…now I can't promise you that I'm not going to make mistakes because I will, that one I _can _promise you. But I'll try and not make too many of them, and I promise you that your mommy and I will work something out because you're all that matters" Mark softly spoke as he watched her hold her hands out in fascination.

Madeline laid in her father's arms watching her own hands like they were some alien object that she had never been see before, Mark found it the most adorable thing he had ever seen and feel even more in love with his daughter if that was even possible.

"Do you really mean that" Lexie questioned in a shaky voice as she pushed herself off the door frame and walked into the room.

Mark's entire body froze as he heard the sound of Lexie's voice, it was exactly the way he remembered it he told himself with a small smile. But as he sensed her coming closer to him Mark quickly but gently stood up from the chair and began to put Madeline back down in her incubator.

"Mark you don't have to put her back down…she's your daughter, you don't need my permission to hold her" Lexie whispered in reassurance that it was ok for him to be holding her.

Mark stoped what he was doing and looked over at Lexie, Derek wasn't kidding when he had told Mark that Addison said she looked worse than him. Lexie stood there with her messy hair, and crumpled up clothes and tired eyes…yet despite everything that had happened Mark still thought that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Lexie was about to say something but stooped as she noticed Madeline's eyes, and before she could even control herself Lexie could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks as she dashed over towards them.

"She has your eyes" Lexie announced in between hiccups from crying so much over the last few days, "you're the first person she's ever looked at" Lexie explained finally looking Mark in the eyes.

Hearing those words, hearing that he was first person that his daughter ever saw meant more to him than he could even begin to imagine.

He gently reached his arm out and wiped the tears away from Lexie's cheek, even to this day he still hated to see her cry or to know that he was the one who made her cry.

As Lexie melted against the touch of Mark's fingers against her skin, something she had been convinced she would never feel again, she was reminded of what Addison had told her.

Having calmed down now she looked back and forth between Mark and Madeline, "I guess we need to talk" Lexie suggested to Mark.

Mark silently nodded his head as he gently laid Madeline back down and ran his finger down her cheek, "I'll be back soon Gracie" Mark told her before looking back at Lexie.

Lexie smiled at the way Mark naturally fell into the role of being a dad; it only helped to reaffirm her belief that Mark would be an amazing father. "Not in here" Lexie whispered and began walked towards the door, waiting for Mark to follow her.

Mark was torn between having the conversation he knew that they needed to have and wanting to be with his daughter, but in the end he knew what needed to be done and followed Lexie outside into the hallway.

The moment that Mark stepped out into the harsh light of the hospital corridors he was reminded of where they were and why they were there. It was as though Madeline had been some sort of shield, protecting them what they were really feeling.

"Ok you wanted to talk so talk" Mark ordered with a glare as he stood there with his arms crossed.

Lexie sighed because she knew that she deserved every bit of hostility that he threw at her, "Mark…"

"Don't you dare _Mark _me and try and make it out as thought all of this is my fault" Mark growled as he felt the anger slowly rising up inside of him.

But Mark was doing a wonderful job at keeping his head in the sand and forgetting _why _Lexie had left in the first place…why she wasn't _with him _when she had found that she was pregnant. Mark tried to tell himself that what he had done was nothing compared to what Lexie had done to them, to their family.

What energy Lexie did manage to have left she could feel it quickly being drained away, "Mark I know that I can never make up for what I've done…but do you think that we could just try and be civil to one another for _Madeline's _sake?" Lexie questioned with a pleading a look, she really was on the verge of a complete breakdown with the way Mark was looking at her.

"Civil…if you wanted civil lady then you should have told me about her from the beginning, not running off to Connecticut and keeping her from me. I mean did you really think that I'd make such a horrible father?" Mark hissed, though he wasn't sure that he wanted to know the answer to that.

"There's a reason why I named her Sloan" Lexie answered Mark softly, "if I wanted to make _my_ life easier I could have named her Grey, I could have claimed that I didn't know who her father was…I could have taken her to L.A. and waited for Addison to go home" Lexie whispered as she leant against the wall for some support, all of the sudden she was feeling very alone in the world right now.

Lexie rubbed her eyes; they were beginning to sting because she was just that tired. "But I didn't" she carried on, "I wanted her to know who her father was, I wanted her to have her father's name…because I'm not you" Lexie whispered, she could feel the tears beginning to build up in her eyes. "As crazy as it might sound I thought, no I, I prayed to god that she'd be just like her father…when they told me that she was sick and that she'd have to fight like hell to beat this I instantly thought that she can do this…she's a Sloan and Sloan's don't understand the word _no_"

Mark tried to push aside the feelings that were being evoked inside of him as he heard Lexie say those words to him, he wanted…no needed to be mad at her right now.

"Mark you're the most stubborn and determined man I have ever met in my entire life. And despite everything that you've been through you always come out fighting, you always go after what you want…I've never been like that. I've never been strong enough to fight for the things that mattered to me" Lexie explained, she had a look of complete loss and uncertainty on her face. "I named her Sloan because I needed her to be just like you, because as long she was then I knew that she was safe".

Mark couldn't look at Lexie anymore; he could feel the guilt building up inside of him as he replayed those words over and over again in his head. She thought that he had the strength to fight for what mattered to him, Mark nearly laughed at the absurdity of it…if only she knew the truth.

"That still doesn't explain why you didn't tell me" Mark slowly whispered but he still refused to look her in the eye.

Lexie had tried pleading with him; she had tried being understanding but apparently Mark was going to be difficult. "Yeah well I guess now you know how it feels to have something you love taken away from you without any kind of explanation" Lexie spat out angrily, losing whatever last semblance of self-control she had left.

Mark cringed as what he had done was thrown back into his face, and just as he was about to answer Lexie both their attentions were drawn to the sound of Thatcher's voice.

"Lexie" Thatcher called out nervously as he stood beside Molly; he kept looking back and forth between Mark and Lexie. Thatcher could see the anger in both their eyes, he didn't need to be genius he just had plenty of practice with Ellis.

Molly and Thatcher both quickly made their way over to Lexie and Mark, it didn't go unnoticed by Lexie that Mark immediately turned his back on them…almost like he was trying to hide something.

"What is he doing here Lex" Molly questioned with a strained smile on her face.

"He's here to see if I wanted a free tummy tuck…what the hell do you think he's doing here?" Lexie snapped at Molly.

"Girls keep your voices down we're in a hospital" Thatcher told them nervously, trying to calm them down before somebody said something that they shouldn't.

Molly and Lexie looked at each other for a second before turning away; Molly had never made it a secret that she disliked Mark.

Mark scoffed at Thatcher's comment before turning around to face the man that was his daughter's grandfather. It was his entire fault Mark told himself, if Thatcher had just stayed out of their lives he never would have broken up with Lexie, and she would have been here by his side the whole time. "You like to do that don't you Thatcher, you like controlling your daughters" Mark commented rather cryptically with disdain.

"Shut up" Molly hissed at him before quickly looking over at her father.

"What's he talking about dad?" Lexie questioned Thatcher with a frown.

"Well are you going to tell her or am I" Mark asked the man he had come to loath over the last ten months. He had kept their deal a secret all this time, but if he had known _what _he was sacrificing for it Mark never would have agreed to it.

"Tell me what" Lexie seethed, her anger becoming more and more obvious.

"It's nothing Lex, Dr. Sloan's just trying cause trouble to get back at you" Molly nervously answered Lexie before glaring at Mark.

"I wasn't talking to you Molly" Lexie yelled out as loud as she could without disturbing Madeline.

"Fine you leave me no choice" Mark told Thatcher before turning to Lexie, "about two weeks after O'Malley had been hit by that bus you're dad showed up at Meredith's house one night drunk…"

"Wait a minute why didn't you or Meredith say anything?" Lexie questioned, having no memory of that ever happening.

"Because I was home alone when it happened, he was drunk and out of his mind…I knew that you wouldn't be able to handle seeing him like that so I called a cab for him. While we were waiting for the cab I told Thatcher that he needed to grow up and get sober because he was hurting you. That's when he made the offer" Mark stated hesitantly, he knew that any chance he had of making things right with Lexie was about to go out the window.

"What offer?" Lexie repeated again.

"That if I broke up with you he'd check himself into rehab and make sure that he got sober and that he'd stay that way" Mark finally answered.

"_What!"_ Lexie exclaimed as anger poured out of her as she the heard the words coming out of Mark.

"Lexie you have to understand" Thatcher tried to explain but Lexie wouldn't hear it.

"Lex I knew how much getting you're dad back meant to you, and I…and I thought that if I had the chance to give that to you then it was the least I could do" Mark argued, trying to reason why he had done what he did.

Lexie started pacing up down the corridor, too angry to try and put anything into words. She continued to watch each and every one of them as they nervously look at each other.

"Did you know?" Lexie questioned Molly.

"Lex…"

"Did you know" Lexie screamed off the top of her lungs, she wasn't sure she could handle Molly's answer.

"Lexie hew was giving us a chance to get the father we once had back, I knew that if Mark didn't stick to his end of the deal that dad would fall off of the wagon…" Molly tried reasoning but stoped as Lexie held her hand up.

"So let me get this straight, the entire time I was living with you…the entire time I cried myself to sleep because I was pregnant, and having the baby of the man I loved but who I was convinced didn't love me you knew the truth the _whole time_" Lexie questioned in disbelief.

"Lexie" Molly pleaded as she shook her head frantically, "I was trying to protect our family and…"

"And what…what Molly, you decided that if all it took was for me to sacrifice Mark then it was worth it. Tell me something while you've been deciding what I should be sacrificing for our _father's _sobriety what have you given up…because from where I'm standing you still have your home, your daughter and your perfect little marriage" Lexie spat out bitterly.

"Lexie we were only trying to…" Thatcher jumped in.

"What run my life, decide who I should be spending my life" Lexie answered then turned to Molly, "or decide it's alright for my baby to grow up not knowing her father as it means you're is sober" Lexie exclaimed before turning back to Thatcher. "I know exactly why you did this; you found the perfect way to control me...to manipulate Mark so that I wouldn't end up with a surgeon. Because let's face it the idea of me ending up with a surgeon kills you, when you first met Mark you didn't see the man I loved you saw Ellis…and you decided that you weren't going to let him hurt me…well congratulations you _both _managed to hurt me".

"Lexie" Mark whispered as he squeezed her shoulder to try and calm her down, he really didn't think that she was going to react like this. But then again apparently Mark hadn't really thought any of this through.

"Don't you touch me…don't you _ever _touch me again" Lexie snarled at Mark as she flinched away from him. "You're just as bad as they are…I trusted you Mark, I loved you. And instead of being honest with me, instead of coming to me and telling me what my father had done you decided what was best for me" Lexie screamed at him.

Mark was known for being a very strong, a very tough man but at that very moment he was struggling not to break down right then and there. He hadn't realised just how much his decision had affected Lexie.

Suddenly they were rendered silent by the wailing screams coming from Madeline's room, Lexie instantly ran into the room and picked Madeline up before rocking her in an attempt to try and calm her down.

"Shhh its ok, mommy's here baby girl" Lexie whispered in her ear but it seemed to be useless. Lexie was trying her hardest to comfort her daughter but she couldn't when her mind was elsewhere.

"Here let me" Mark offered as he stepped forward holding out his hands.

Lexie took a step back and pulled Madeline closer against her chest, "I won't the three of you out here" she ordered with a glaring look.

Molly and Thatcher looked at each other nervously but kept quiet, thinking that it was probably best if they kept quiet because they'd probably make a bad situation worse.

Mark on the other hand refused to be kicked out and shook his head adamantly, Madeline was still crying uncontrollably. "She's my daughter as well Lexie" Mark yelled, he hated screaming in front of Madeline but he wasn't going to give up that easily.

"Yeah and I'm her mother, and I'll be damned if I let you hurt her the way you hurt me Mark Sloan…you might have been able to manipulate me but I won't let you do that to my daughter, so get the hell out" Lexie retorted fiercely, she knew that Madeline could sense all the tension in the room.

Lexie also knew that she was probably overreacting but while she had spent the last nine months letting the guilt eat away at her Mark and her father had decided to play god with her life. Then Mark had the audacity to pretend like he hadn't done anything wrong.

Lexie and Mark began yelling at each other, throwing around various words at each other but neither of them really listening.

Addison and Derek both quickly walked into the room having heard the screaming match from outside. Addison couldn't look past Lexie who had tears streaming down her cheeks and Madeline clutched tightly to her chest who was also crying.

"What the hell is going on" Derek questioned with a frown as he looked at Lexie's crying face and Mark's furious glare.

"I want them out of here" Lexie insisted as she looked at Addison with a pleading look on her face.

Addison solemnly nodded her head, agreeing to what ever Lexie wanted as long as it meant that they could calm the situation down.

Derek clasped Mark on the shoulder; "come one Mark" Derek called out.

Mark shrugged away from Derek, "I'm not going anywhere" he told Derek stubbornly.

Everyone had managed to calm down a little bit to the point where the only cries were coming from Madeline. "Mark please" Addison pleaded with him as she looked back and forth between a crying Madeline and Mark.

Mark reluctantly let Derek drag him out of the room, with Thatcher following quickly behind them.

Thatcher flew down the corridor without even saying a word to Mark or Derek; he was in desperate need of a drink.

"Lexie" Molly tried reasoning with her but Lexie shook her head.

"Just go home Molly, go home to your precious little family and stay the hell away from me" Lexie hissed through greeted teeth, while slowly managing to clam Madeline down.

Addison looked over at Molly with a raised eyebrow, telling herself that she should have listened to her gut instinct when it came to Molly. "I think you should go" Addison suggested, trying to keep the peace between the sisters.

"Lexie you're my family" Molly pleaded; she could slowly feel everything beginning to unravel.

"Is that why you tried to destroy mine, is that why you tried to keep Mark away from me?" Lexie questioned in disbelief.

Molly shook her head, she didn't have an answer so instead she turned and walked out of the room.

Mark stood in front of the window beside Derek as he watched Addison guide Lexie back over towards the incubator so she could put Madeline down. While Lexie released Madeline Mark watched her as she wiped her tear stained eyes, his heart broke.

He had done that to her, he had caused her to cry and now she hated him…she wouldn't even let him near their daughter.

Mark wasn't a praying man, he never really bought into all that stuff about god and religion but he was praying like hell that they could fix this…that they could find a way to trust each other again.

"What the hell did you do Mark?" Derek questioned Mark in a whisper as he slapped him on the back in comfort.

Mark shook his head, he didn't know how to explain it all to Derek let alone where to begin…or if he even could.

************

**Reviews = updates, get my drift :P**


	5. Losing My Mind

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story, and I promise that it's going to start turning around for them…but how long it takes is something I haven't worked out yet.**

************

**Losing My Mind**

"I hear that my favourite niece is being released from the hospital today" Derek announced with a goofy grin on his face.

"Derek you have _four _sisters and I'm pretty certain that at least two of them have girls" Lexie pointed at with a smile.

"Yeah but they all talk back" Derek teased before picking Madeline up and cradling her in his arms.

Lexie giggled at Derek before a sudden awkward silence took over the room; things had been weird between all of them ever since the day Lexie had found out the truth.

Lexie hadn't seen Mark at all in the last four, it seemed like Derek and Addison were working double time to make sure that Lexie and Mark weren't in the same room together until they calmed down. 

On Lexie's part she had managed to control her anger but it didn't mean that she was even close to forgiving Mark for what he had done.

"You can tell me to stick my big nose out of it but do you think you could at least _try _and talk to him" Derek asked with a pleading look.

Mark had eventually admitted the truth to Derek, but that was only after they had spent five hours sitting at Joe's. And by the end of that night Derek had to carry Mark to the car.

"Derek it's complicated" Lexie answered vaguely, she didn't feel like getting into this. Today she was finally taking her daughter home from the hospital, today was supposed to be a happy day.

"That's all you two ever say" Derek mumbled in exasperation as he gently put Madeline back down.

He was really starting to getting fed up with Mark and Lexie; whenever he even tried to broach the subject they would both give him the 'it's complicated' speech.

"Derek"

"Look Lexie he lied to you, and I'm not denying that what he did was wrong or even begin to make excuses for him…because frankly I think what he did was the stupidest thing he's ever done, and that includes sleeping with my ex-wife" Derek rationalised.

"But" Lexie asked.

"_But _this is Mark…and somewhere in that twisted head of his he thought he was doing the right thing _for you_! If he had known what he was sacrificing he never would've done it" Derek tried to reason with Lexie.

Lexie opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it, she sighed in defeat because she was just so exhausted from thinking about it all the time.

"And" Derek quickly jumped in, wanting to take what ever opportunity he had at helping Mark fix this, "if you think about it…it's really not much different to what you did" Derek commented hesitantly because he wasn't sure how Lexie would react to that.

"Derek his lying and my lying are two completely different things" Lexie argued, trying to defend her actions but somewhere deep down she knew that Derek was right.

Derek shook his head, "no it's not. You both lied because you were trying to protect each other Lexie, and besides Mark didn't set out to hurt you…he thought he was _helping_".

"Yeah well he should have come to me; he should have told me what my father did".

"Put yourself in his shoes Lexie" Derek suggested, "because we both know that if Mark's dad had shown up one day offering you what Thatcher had offered Mark you'd take the deal, because you'd know how much it meant for Mark to have that one thing" Derek reasoned with Lexie.

Lexie rolled her eyes while she tried to stop herself from crying because she knew that he was right, she knew that she would have done the same thing if it had meant making Mark happy…but it still didn't excuse the fact that he lied to her.

"Where is he?" Lexie questioned with a hint of concern, she had thought that he'd want to be here today.

"Mark's doing what he's learnt to do best, his hiding up at the trailer" Derek answered with a sigh.

"But I thought he spends all his time in the hospital?" Lexie argued.

"He does, but he goes up to the trailer when the thing that he's trying to hide from happens to be inside the hospital".

"Oh" was the only word that Lexie could seem to get out.

"Ok look I'm not here to make you mad at me or to make you cry...I'm here because Meredith ordered me" Derek explained, while trying to pretending like he really didn't want to be there.

"Meredith ordered you here" Lexie replied sceptically, Madeline had been at Seattle Grace for five days and Lexie hadn't seen her once.

"Yep, she wanted me to make sure that you understood that you're coming home with us this afternoon…well actually Stevens, but that's beside the point" Derek explained with a smile.

"Derek" Lexie called out shaking her head; she wasn't going to become some charity case.

"There's no getting out of this Lexie" Derek informed her. "Until you've worked things out with Mark you will be staying at our place and you can take Stevens' old room…Meredith wants you there".

"Well she hasn't showed it" Lexie answered unconvinced, she was certain that Meredith was only doing this because Derek had made her. "Besides I doubt that Meredith or Alex would want to be woken up at 3am by a screaming baby" Lexie tried to reason as an excuse not to accept his offer.

"First off we're surgeons so 3am wake ups aren't a foreign concept, secondly don't worry about Karev…I'll take care him" Derek joked. "As for Meredith, she wants you there…in fact this was entirely all her idea. You being gone for so long has made Mere realise that she's actually grown attached to her baby sister".

"Then why isn't she here?" Lexie questioned with a dubious look on her face.

"She had something to do" Derek answered vaguely while trying to keep a big smile off of his face.

************

"Its way too early in the morning for you to be drinking" Meredith pointed out as she walked over to Mark.

"What are you doing here Meredith" Mark questioned with an apathetic look on his face before taking a sip of his beer.

"I'm here because I thought that you might like to know that your daughter's being released from the hospital this afternoon…if you even care" Meredith answered as she stepped up onto the wooden decking of Derek's trailer.

Mark froze with his can of beer half way up into the air, of course he cared and of course he _knew. _But he also knew that Lexie wouldn't want him anywhere near her right now.

"Go away" Mark grunted as he went to take another sip of his beer but Meredith quickly snatched it out of his hands. "Hey I was drinking that" Mark protested while glaring at Meredith.

"Yeah well I'm doing my niece a favour, she already has a grandfather who's a drunk so I'm not about to let her father turn into one" Meredith answered as she pored the beer onto the ground before throwing the can onto the pile of other empty beer cans.

"Meredith" Mark whispered pleadingly, he couldn't handle dealing with her right now let alone listening to her rant on about how she was right all along.

Mark had been up all night last night going over it in his head, when he had managed to sneak into Madeline's room yesterday Addison had told him that Lexie would be taking her home today.

_Home, _the word kept playing in Mark's mind because he had no idea what that even meant…was Lexie going to jump on the first plane back to Connecticut or was she going to stay here in Seattle?

"I get it ok" Meredith told him with a sorrowful look on her face as she sat down next to him, "I get why you did what you did and I get why you lied to her…"

"You do" Mark interrupted with a surprised look on his face.

Meredith let out a faint smile as she nodded her head, "we're dark and twisty you and me…we don't trust people so easily, so when someone like Derek and Lexie come along we let our guard down. But Mark you didn't make the deal, or lie to her because you wanted to hurt her…you did it because you knew what it feels like to have a parent turn their back on you. And you had a chance to prevent Lexie from ever feeling what that's like" Meredith explained to him, Meredith was pretty sure that Mark had never really thought this through properly.

Mark closed his eyes as he thought about Meredith's words, "she hates me" he finally managed to let out in a shaky voice.

Meredith shook her head, "she doesn't hate you…she's just mad at you right now, we Grey's have a tendency to overreact" Meredith joked, hoping it would calm him down a bit.

"You were right you know, I should have stayed away from her" Mark whispered as he tried to imagine what life would have been like if he had listened to Derek.

"No I wasn't, I was wrong Mark. Despite all of this" Meredith answered as she pointed to the trailer and the cans of beer, "you two made each other happy. You were both in love…and still are".

Meredith paused for a second, having a heart to heart with Mark Sloan wasn't something she had ever imagined herself doing, but she would be damned if her niece was going to grow up without a father like she did.

"Why are you doing this?" Mark asked cautiously, he thought that this is exactly what Meredith would have wanted…him out of Lexie's life for good, just like Molly.

"Because I've been there…I've been through the bad break-up, I became the tequila-whore when Derek chose Addison over me. Every night I drank as much tequila as my body could handle then slept with the nearest guy I could find" Meredith explained, Mark hadn't been around during her truly dark and twisty time.

"But you didn't, you didn't revert back to the old Mark Sloan…instead you tried killing yourself with no sleep and too much work...the fact that you weren't even able to _look _at another woman says something about you Mark" Meredith reasoned.

"That I'm pathetic" Mark answered dryly.

"No! That you've grown up, that you're not willing to settle for less than what you really want. We've both been there, we've both been through the bad brake-up" Meredith explained, hoping that it would encourage Mark not to give up.

Mark suddenly burst out laughing that his sides were beginning to hurt…he couldn't remember the last time he had really laughed.

"What's so funny?" Meredith questioned with a frown.

"_Tequila-whore_" Mark managed to answer through fits of laughter; the idea of Meredith being drunk was hilarious to him.

Meredith shook her head as she tried to pretend like it wasn't that funny, but the longer she heard Mark laugh the quicker she began to slip. And pretty soon Meredith was laughing just as loud and just as hard as Mark was while she remembered something that felt like a life time ago.

Eventually the two of them managed to pull themselves back together and Mark looked over at Meredith with a smile on his face, "thanks big Grey" Mark spoke softly.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders as she smiled back, "just doing my big sister duties" Meredith answered.

"Now are you coming home with me or what?" Meredith asked him as she rose from her seat.

"I've already slept with _one _of Derek's wives, I'm not stupid enough to do it again" Mark teased.

Meredith could have shook her head and gotten all angry at Mark but she couldn't, instead all she could do was smile at him because that had been the first dirty joke she had heard Mark Sloan make since Lexie left.

"I meant are you coming home to see your _daughter_, they're staying with us" Meredith explained.

Mark shook his head, "I think Lexie and I just need a little bit more time" Mark suggested with a disappointed look on his face.

Meredith sighed in defeat, at least Derek couldn't blame here for not trying. "Fine, but you know where I live and the doors always opened" Meredith reminded Mark before quickly hoping into the car and driving away.

As he heard Meredith pull away Mark reached out for the last can of beer and cracked it open, as he stood up from his seat and walked over to the edge of the decking Meredith's words kept playing in the back of his mind.

He looked down at the can of beer he was holding and quickly spilt the beer onto the grass before walking back into the trailer…deciding that maybe a few hours of sleep would be better.

************

"Hey"

"Oh hey" Meredith exclaimed, jumping back to stop herself from running straight into Lexie just as she walked through the front door.

"Where have you been?" Lexie questioned Meredith as she looked at her suspiciously, Derek's vague answer from before was still bugging her.

"Umm…out" Meredith answered nervously as she thought of an excuse.

"Cristina troubles" Izzie called out from the living room, hoping that Lexie would buy that excuse.

"Cristina troubles" Lexie repeated doubtfully as she walked back into the living and sat down beside Izzie.

"Well Cristina is my person, and my person was having problems and she needed her person" Meredith rambled as she reached out to take one of the muffins that Izzie had baked.

Izzie shook her head at Meredith's horrible attempt at lying. "So is Madeline still asleep?" Izzie questioned in the hopes of changing the subject and not having to watch anymore of Meredith's bad acting.

"Out like a light" Lexie declared with a sigh of relief, finally being out of the hospital meant that she could actually relax.

"You mean I don't get to play with my little niece" Meredith pouted before taking a bite of her muffin.

Lexie shook her head as she smiled at Meredith, "you wake her up and I swear to god I will kill you" Lexie warned her with a playful glare.

"I wouldn't mess with the mommy, mommy's can be very dangerous" Izzie explained as she began laughing.

Meredith and Lexie both began laughing at Izzie's comment and Lexie couldn't help but love being back. She knew that it probably sounded crazy but Lexie felt like she was home and deep down she was grateful that Madeline was in Seattle and not in Connecticut.

"Anyway" Lexie chanted, after finally calming down, "Madeline's sound asleep so I was wondering Mere if I could actually borrow your car?"

Meredith gave Izzie a subtle look who instantly understood her, "oh god" Izzie cried out as she jumped off the couch.

"What, what's wrong?" Lexie asked, worried that something was seriously wrong with Izzie.

"My, umm, my muffins" Izzie explained holding her muffin out to Lexie, "they're really dry…I need a glass of milk" she announced before quickly walking out of the room.

"Should I be worried about her?" Lexie asked Meredith with a smirk.

Meredith shook her head, "Izz takes her baking very seriously…now what did you want to borrow my car for?" Meredith asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lexie sighed in defeat as she ran her fingers through her hair, "don't get mad at me ok…but I just thought that, um that I might goandseeMark" Lexie mumbled under her breath.

Meredith had to try and not smile as she looked at Lexie, "I'm sorry what did you say?"

"I thought I'd go and see Mark since Derek mentioned that he's hiding up in his trailer" Lexie cried out in annoyance, she knew that Meredith had heard her the first time.

"Good" Meredith answered smugly, tossing her car keys to Lexie.

Lexie caught the keys in her hand and looked at her sister suspiciously, "you're not going to stop me?"

Meredith frowned, "why would I stop you?"

"Because you and Molly seem to have this anti-Mark Sloan campaign going" Lexie answered back.

Meredith shook her head, "first off I never said that I didn't like Mark, and secondly what ever campaign Molly has going on is all hers…no offense or anything but I trust Mark a hell of a lot more than I trust her. Besides why would I want to keep Madeline's father away from her?"

Lexie sighed in relief, "well at least I have one sister who doesn't feel the need to be running my life" Lexie commented as she threw her jacket on.

"Lexie just hear him out before you decide that he's guilty ok" Meredith suggested with a sympathetic smile.

Lexie nodded her head with a smile, "if Madeline wakes up or she starts crying and you can't calm her down I have my cell phone on me" Lexie instructed Meredith.

Meredith shook her head without a word and began pushing Lexie out the door with a proud smile on her face; she had one up on Derek at the operation get Mark and Lexie back together.

************

Lexie sat in the car clinging to the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were beginning to turn white. She couldn't seem to get her head and the rest of her body to co-operate; she was cursing Derek for actually getting this into her head.

She didn't know what to say to him, but that wasn't the part that scared her the most…it was the not knowing.

Lexie finally managed to talk herself into it and quickly walked up to the trailer before she could talk herself out of it.

Neither of them was really watching where they were going as Mark and Lexie walked straight into each other.

Lexie froze as she looked at Mark who was wearing his leather coat with his car keys in hand, "oh you're going out…I probably should have called first, I'll um, I'll just come back another time" Lexie rambled nervously before turning to leave.

"Lexie wait" Mark cried out, grabbing her wrist to stop her from leaving. "Sorry" he whispered quickly letting her go.

Lexie shrugged her shoulders, "it's ok...so I um" Lexie began as she looked around her, "I didn't really take you as the outdoorsy kind of guy" Lexie joked.

"Yeah well the hotel was starting to feel a little too small for my liking" Mark explained, though compared to the size of the trailer he knew that was a stupid excuse.

Lexie nodded her head, understanding what Mark was really saying to her. "You look like you haven't gotten much sleep" Lexie pointed out with a hint of concern.

"Kind of an understatement" Mark answered as he sat down and offered Lexie the empty seat.

"Thanks" she mumbled before sitting down on the edge of her seat, an awkward silence took over them because neither one of them knew what to say.

Mark wanted to say sorry, he wanted to tell her that he didn't care anymore about who did what or who said what as long as they could work this out…but more importantly Mark wanted to tell Lexie that he still loved her.

But he couldn't because there was still one thing that kept nagging him, "were you ever going to tell me…I mean if Madeline hadn't of gotten sick and you didn't need to come to Seattle would you have told me?"

Lexie looked down in embarrassment as she thought about the first few months of her pregnancy. "At first no…at first I wanted to hurt you as much as you had hurt me. But then" Lexie paused as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. "Then my doctor told me that it was a girl…that I was having daughter and I couldn't do it. I couldn't hide it from you because I knew that our daughter would need her father…"

"You could have picked up the phone and called" Mark suggested, trying really hard not to start a fight again. They needed to work this out for Madeline's sake.

"It wasn't something I wanted to do over the phone, so I came back to Seattle…"

"You what" Mark questioned as his heart began racing, just the thought of Lexie having been in arms reach over the last ten months sent a shiver down his spine.

"I came to Seattle but the Archfield told me that you had checked out, and it was late so I figured I'd give Joe's a shot…when I got out of the cab I saw you through the window, you were with some red head that I'd never seen before, you two looked pretty close so I chickened out. I got back in the cab and got on the first plane back to Connecticut" Lexie explained with a sheepish look on her face.

Mark rubbed his face as he let out a groan, with his luck of course Lexie would chose _that night _to come back to Seattle and talk to him. "Lexie that woman was Dr. Collins, Seattle Grace's new cardiothoracic surgeon…and there is absolutely nothing going on with us. It was her first night in Seattle so Owen and Callie thought a drink at Joe's would be a good idea to welcome her" Mark explained with a pleading look for her to believe him.

Lexie nodded her head to let him know that she did believe him, "I know that _now_…but I didn't then, then I was under impression that you had moved on and that you were happy going back to the way your life was _before _me".

"You still could have picked up the phone" Mark suggested again, trying to encourage Lexie to keep talking.

Lexie shook her head as the tears began to fall, "no I couldn't…I knew you Mark, I knew that if I had told you about the baby that you want to do the right thing. That you'd tell me that you wanted me back but I couldn't do that, I couldn't live my life knowing that you were only with me out of some twisted sense of obligation. I loved you Mark, and I couldn't live with myself if you woke up everyday resenting me or Madeline for having a life that you didn't want…I didn't want you to feel like I was forcing her on you" Lexie explained through sobs of tears.

"That should been my call to make" Mark growled, hating that the fact that all of this was his own doing.

"Sort of like how it should have been my decision whether or not our relationship was sacrificed for _my_ father's sobriety" Lexie retorted, wiping away her tears.

Mark sighed, he knew she was right.

Lexie let out a sarcastic laugh, "we've made a real mess of this haven't we?" she asked timidly as she stood up from her seat, she couldn't sit still anymore.

Mark nodded his head, "if we got one thing right it was royally screwing this up" Mark sighed.

Lexie shook her head, "I'd say that the sleeping baby back at Meredith's would argue differently" Lexie joked with a faint smile, having finally managed to stop crying.

Mark smiled back at her, "Lexie I'll keep apologising until I'm…"

"Mark you don't have to, I understand why you did it…it's just the lying part that's making it difficult to move on from this" Lexie explained with a worried look on her face.

She couldn't help but wonder if they were ever going to get past this, "are we ever going to be able to trust each other again?" she questioned hesitantly.

Mark sighed, "I don't know but I'd like to try for Madeline's sake…for our sake" Mark answered her. All Mark wanted to do was to go over to Lexie and pull her into his arms, he was convinced that he had forgotten what it felt like to be holding her.

"So friends" Lexie questioned, bitting her bottom lip as she held her hand out.

Mark shook his head, "we've never really been just friends have we _little Grey"_ Mark pointed out with a seductive grin.

Lexie leant against the trailer as she felt her knees go weak and heart beating faster. She wasn't sure if it was because of his smile or hearing the words _little Grey_, something she thought she would never hear again.

"Lexie you ok?" Mark called out in concern; he could see her cheeks turning red. Mark quickly got up on his feet and made his way over to Lexie.

Mark hesitantly reached out and cupped Lexie's cheek in his hand, once he was sure that Lexie wouldn't flinch away from him Mark pulled her closer towards him with his other hand.

"You really want to try playing friends?" Mark whispered; he was standing that close to Lexie that he could hear her heavy breathing.

Lexie shook her head and then quickly began nodding it instead, she was so hypnotised by the feeling of Mark's skin on hers and his big blue eyes that she couldn't look away.

Mark slowly began to lean in towards Lexie with his hand still on her cheek; his heart began beating faster at the thought of actually being able to feel Lexie's lips again.

He had been dreaming about having the chance to do this again so many times in the last ten months that Mark wasn't even sure if this real but he didn't care.

And just as their lips were about to touch Lexie suddenly jumped back at the sound of Derek's voice, "Mark are you here" Derek yelled out as he jogged up onto the deck of his trailer.

Mark tried to stifle a groan as he closed his eyes, swearing to god that he was going to kill Derek.

Derek froze as he saw Lexie standing as far away as possible from Mark without actually standing in the rain; he then looked over at Mark who was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I, um, I'm gonna go" Lexie announced as she struggled to get the car key's out of her pocket with a shaky hand. "Yeah I'm, um, I gonna go now" she confirmed before running to the car and jumping in without any hesitation.

Mark watched Lexie drive away as he shook his head in disappointment; he was that _close_ but unfortunately not close enough thanks to Derek. After losing complete sight of Meredith's car Mark turned to look at Derek with a glare.

"What" Derek asked innocently, he could see the irritation on Mark's face.

Mark shook his head, "I have to get to the hospital" he explained in a huff before running to his own car, leaving Derek all alone on the porch of his trailer.

"What did I do?" Derek yelled out as he threw his hands up into the air, he was really getting sick of trying to figure those two out.

************

**Pretty, please review :P**


	6. Heaven little by little

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story so far and please keep them coming.**

**P.s. sorry this took so long but I've been struggling to write for this story but it seems that the juices are flowing again. Hope you all enjoy and remember to let me know what you think.**

************

**Heaven (little by little)**

"I hope I'm not interrupting" Lexie asked nervously as she stood in the doorway of Mark's office holding Madeline inside her baby carrier.

Mark's head immediately snapped up at the sound of Lexie's voice, he couldn't help but smile the minute he saw Lexie standing there with their daughter.

Sometimes it still took his breath away at knowing that he had a daughter, let alone a daughter with Lexie Grey.

"No you're not interrupting anything" Mark reassured her, "please come in" he offered as he quickly closed the file that was lying in front of him.

With a genuine smile on her face Lexie made her way into the room and gently placed the carrier with a sleeping Madeline on to Mark's desk.

Mark quickly jumped up from his seat and closed the door to his office; he didn't want anyone…especially the Interns, to hear what he and Lexie were talking about or interrupt them.

While Mark and Lexie were slowly finding their way back to being civil and friendly with one another things were still very awkward between the two of them.

Despite the fact that Mark had become a regular fixture inside Meredith's house, to Derek's delight, they had managed to avoid talking about what had nearly happened. They both knew that they needed to talk about what had at Derek's trailer six weeks ago, but they couldn't.

Neither of them could bring themselves to bring up the topic because in order to have that conversation it meant talking about their feelings. And neither Mark nor Lexie was ready to admit out loud that they were still in love with the other.

"I was actually kind of hoping that you'd be able to do me a favour" Lexie explained while looking down at her fingers like they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"What do you need?" Mark asked instantly, not even needing to think twice about it.

"The Chief called and asked if I could come in and meet with him but there wasn't anybody at home for me to leave Gracie with and I'm really not that comfortable with leaving her in the day care centre…"

"Lexie you don't need to try and sell me on spending some quality time with Gracie" Mark reassured Lexie with a smile.

Lexie sighed in relief; she knew that it was absurd to think that Mark wouldn't want to watch Gracie but it still didn't stop the fluttering of nerves in the pit of her stomach.

Mark smirked at Lexie, "so you've finally caved with the whole Gracie thing?" Mark asked.

Lexie rolled her eyes in annoyance, while Mark, and thus everyone else, had adopted the idea of calling Madeline Gracie, Lexie had refused. Adamant that she would only call Madeline by her full name, "no" Lexie pouted while trying not to smile.

"And there's that stubborn streak I love" Mark declared with a cheeky smile, not even thinking about his words.

"Hey I learnt from the best" Lexie answered with a smug grin, Lexie was the first to admit that she had picked up some of Mark's traits over the months they had been together. But she also chose to ignore the latter half of Mark's comment along with the flip flops that her stomach was doing just from hearing those words.

"Can I ask _what _the Chief wanted to talk to you about?" Mark asked innocently.

He really had no idea what the meeting was about, but deep down Mark was preying like hell that the Chief was planning on offering Lexie a position at the hospital.

Lexie and Gracie's permanent living arrangements was another topic that they had both avoided discussing, Mark was scared at broaching the subject in case he heard the words he really couldn't bare to hear….to hear Lexie tell him that they were moving back to Connecticut.

Lexie shrugged her shoulders, "I really have no idea, the Chief didn't want to discuss it over the phone" Lexie explained.

A sudden awkwardness took over the room while Lexie and Mark both struggled to find something to say. They both hated this…being together, talking to each other used to be the most natural thing in the world.

But now, now they could barely string a sentence together that wasn't about Gracie.

"Ok so I have to go but I shouldn't be too long" Lexie announced, quickly changing the subject and finding an excuse to make an escape.

"Lexie" Mark quietly called out before she could make her escape.

Lexie turned around just as Mark began to walk closer towards her, "uh I was thinking that…that there are still a lot of things that we need to talk about…"

"I know Mark" Lexie quickly jumped in with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Well I was thinking that maybe we could, we could have dinner tonight…and talk, I'm sure I could rope Callie into babysitting" Mark asked, there was a shining hint of hope in his eyes.

At first Lexie had every intention of saying no, the idea of being alone with Mark right now was still terrifying. But if there was one talent of his that still hadn't changed since she had left it was making it damn impossible for Lexie to say no to him.

Mark stood there in front of her with a pouted lip and puppy dog eyes, before Lexie could even stop herself she could feel her resolve slipping away. "Sounds great" Lexie accepted with an awkward smile before running out of the room.

Mark actually let himself breathe again as it registered in his own head what he had just done…that Lexie had said yes, that they were actually going to be left alone in a room together.

Mark turned around to see a smiling Gracie lying in her carrier and fully awake, he couldn't help but smile back.

"Maybe Stevens had a point" Mark whispered to himself as he gently raised Gracie out of her carrier and cradled her close to his chest.

The previous night while Mark and Derek were sitting in Meredith's living room watching the baseball game Izzie had came stomping in to the with a pout on her face. She began whining about how Gracie wouldn't smile at her, despite trying everything to get her to smile.

It hadn't occurred to anyone until Izzie pointed it out but it seemed that other than Lexie Mark, Derek and even Meredith were the only people who seemed to be able to get a smile at the nearly three week old baby.

"Come on we need to go and find Aunt Callie" Mark gently spoke as he walked out the door with a bouncing baby in his arms.

************

"Oh my god" Callie squealed in excitement before running down the hallway, completely forgetting about the conversation that she had been having with Dr. Bailey.

"Easy there Torres" Mark warned her, taking a step back before Callie literally ran into him.

"Let me hold her" Callie ordered but before Mark even had a chance to answer she had already taken Gracie away from him.

Mark threw his hands up in the air in disbelief and walked over to Dr. Bailey, "why is it that the second a woman sees you holding a baby they forget that you're even in the room to begin with" Mark pouted as he leant against the desk.

Mark pretended to be hurt by the fact that one of his best friends was more excited at the prospect of seeing his daughter over seeing him, because with everything that had been going on it had felt like a life time since Mark had been able to talk to Callie.

Dr. Bailey couldn't help but scoff, "idiot" she muttered loud enough for Mark to hear as she shook her head at him. "She's a baby, everybody loves a baby, babies are cute…whereas you on the other hand" Miranda explained as she pointed towards him, "you're cute factor disappeared the minute you learnt to talk" Dr. Bailey teased.

Mark shook his head with a sly smile on his face; he leant in closer towards Dr. Bailey. "Admit it Bailey you think I'm cute, we both know that you have trouble saying no to this face" Mark asked, pointing to his own face with doey eyes and a pouted lip.

"No" Dr. Bailey answered as she shook her head, trying really hard not to smile but her control was slowly slipping away. Finally she reluctantly cracked a smile as she shook her head at her own behaviour.

"Couldn't you just eat her right up Dr. Bailey?" Callie asked with a little bit too much excitement for Mark's liking, holding Gracie out towards Dr. Bailey so she could get a better look at her, but refusing to let go of her hold on Gracie.

"She's a baby Torres not food" Mark pointed out with a playful glare on his face.

Callie scrunched her face up while sticking her tongue out at Mark.

Dr. Bailey shook her head in disbelief and chose to ignore the childish behaviour of a senior Resident and an Attending. "Well she is definitely one of the cutest baby's I've ever seen" Dr. Bailey answered, running a finger under Gracie's chin and smiling like an idiot.

"What are they doing?" Derek asked with a frown on his face, suddenly coming out of nowhere he stood next to Mark.

"Admiring my handy work" Mark bragged with a proud smile on his face.

Derek shook his smiling head at Mark; he still couldn't believe that he was the same man compared to the way he had been behaving almost a month ago. Mark was quickly finding his way back to being the old Mark Sloan, the Mark Sloan that was Derek's best friend and more importantly like a brother to him.

"Can I just remind you that Lexie did have a part to play in that" Derek pointed out, pointing to Gracie.

"Dr. Shepherd you better not forget that you're on-call tonight" Dr. Bailey barked before walking away from Callie who was stilling gushing over Gracie.

"My turn" Derek announced, holding his hands out so that he could take Gracie off of Callie's hands.

Callie furrowed her brow in Derek's direction and shook her head firmly, "you get to see _and _play with her everyday since she is _living _with you. Now it's my turn, how else is this little one going to get to know her favourite aunt?" Callie argued.

"First of all we've already established the fact that _Meredith _is Gracie's favourite aunt" Derek teased, "and secondly just because I live with her doesn't mean I get to see her all the time. She's usually asleep whenever I'm awake at home" Derek countered back.

"Yeah well Grey's only her favourite aunt because _somebody_" Callie emphasised looking over at Mark, "has seriously been slacking off on his duties at making sure that Gracie is introduced to the important people" Callie answered Derek, trying to hide a smile.

Mark rolled his eyes as Callie and Derek went back and forth, arguing and counter-arguing each other and each other's statements. It was partly fun on Mark's side because he had forgotten what it was like to watch the two of them.

Since Lexie had left Mark had tried to keep his interaction with other people down to a minimum, Derek had been the only person that Mark would talk to outside of the hospital. He had virtually cut Callie out of his life and spoke to her only when it was work related.

But that had never stopped Callie and her determination to get through to him, despite all the rejections and all the times that Mark had tried to push her away Callie kept coming back for more.

"Callie let Derek hold the baby" Mark instructed Callie, he held his hand up the minute she opened her mouth to protest. "You'll get to play and hold her all night so let Shepherd have this one" Mark tried to persuade Callie.

At first Callie frowned but then hearing what Mark said she suddenly perked up and happily handed Gracie back over to Derek. She watched as Derek cradled Gracie in his arms for a second or two before turning her attention to Mark, "so why do I get to play with Gracie and hold her all night" Callie asked curiously.

Mark smirked at Callie's intrigue; he always knew how to get Callie to say yes to things that even she didn't want to be doing. But Mark was pretty sure that there would be no need for begging to get her to agree to babysit.

Mark sighed, trying to pretend like he was completely desperate and had run out of options…which wasn't completely far from the truth. "I know that it's short notice and if you already have plans with Arizona then I completely understand. Because I don't want you changing your plans for me, you have a life…"

"Sloan you're rambling like Grey does" Callie pointed out, trying to hide a smile at just how much Lexie and Mark had picked up habits from one another.

"I was hoping if you're free that you might be able to babysit tonight" Mark explained hesitantly.

Callie's face suddenly lit up even brighter than it had been two seconds ago if that was even possible, "are you kidding me. I get to have that little munchkin all to myself for the whole night, of course I'll do it" Callie answered excitedly.

"Hey why didn't you ask me to babysit?" Derek asked frowning at Mark.

Mark rolled his eyes while pointing over his shoulder towards the direction that Dr. Bailey had left, "have you already forgotten that Bailey just reminded you about being on-call tonight?" Mark asked.

"No" Derek pouted, cradling Gracie closer to his chest.

Mark chuckled at the way Derek was just as protective over Gracie as he was. It was something Mark was grateful for, if he couldn't watch over Gracie every night he was at least grateful that Derek was there.

Their conversation was cut short by the sound of Callie squealing, Mark looked over to his shoulder to see her jumping up and down in excitement. "Why is she squealing?" Mark asked Derek.

Derek shook his head with a confused look on his face, "I might have four sisters but women are still just as much as a mystery to me as they are to you" Derek answered.

Derek's pager interrupted the conversation and reluctantly Derek handed the baby back over to Callie, "Hunt needs me in the pit" he explained and quickly ran off towards the ER.

Mark walked over to Callie with every intention of taking Gracie off of her but Callie was a lot quicker and took a step back. Mark shook his head, "this is the first chance I've had to see _my_ daughter this morning and I haven't even been able to hold her for more than five seconds" Mark growled.

It was during moments like these where he'd be alone with Gracie and suddenly someone else would walk in to the room and take Gracie off of him that Mark resented the fact that Lexie and Gracie didn't live with him.

Callie consciously ignored Mark's comment and continued grinning like an idiot, "you and Lexie are going on a date" she declared loudly with another squeal added for good measure.

"Keep your voice down" Mark hissed looking around to make sure that no one had overheard Callie's statement; he was glaring at the Orthopaedic surgeon.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me that you're not excited about this, about the prospect of spending some _alone _time with Lexie" Callie argued. She could see straight through Mark, which meant that she knew that deep down Mark was bursting with excitement.

"It's not a _date_" Mark whispered, emphasising the word. He didn't want Lexie to think that he had gotten the wrong idea or that he was blowing this way out of proportion. What they were going to be doing tonight was far from being called a date and Mark knew that.

"Let my ask you something, will tonight consist of you and her being alone in a restaurant with a bottle of wine?" Callie asked, trying to hide a smile.

"Probably" Mark muttered under his breath.

"Then it's a _date_" Callie exclaimed quietly, she didn't want to scare Gracie who had drifted off to sleep.

Mark groaned while rubbing his eyes, "I don't want Lexie to think that I think that this is a date…I don't want to scare her off. And besides I have no expectations other than going to dinner and finally dealing with all the things that need to be dealt with" Mark argued. "That is if you and Arizona aren't too busy" Mark added, he knew that Callie's free nights consisted of spending time with Arizona.

"Aren't too busy for what?" Arizona asked with a blinding smile on her face, she always had such a sunny disposition no matter what the situation was.

"Mark wants to know if we're free to babysit the little munchkin" Callie explained, holding a sleeping Gracie out to Arizona.

Arizona's smile grew brighter if that was even possible, "are you kidding me? I spend my whole day looking after sick kids, looking after a healthy one would be a more than welcome change of pace" Arizona answered excitedly.

Mark couldn't help but chuckle at Callie and Arizona's enthusiasm to look after Gracie, "I'll let Lexie know and she'll probably drop Gracie off at Callie's place around 7pm" Mark informed them.

"We'll be there" Arizona reassured him eagerly, waving to Callie Arizona quickly went after her next patient.

"She's good for you" Mark told Callie, gently taking Gracie out of Callie's arms, Mark could have sworn he heard her whine. "And I wanted to say I'm sorry, I've been a real ass for the last few months and you didn't deserve the way I treated you. Think you could ever forgive me?" Mark asked with one of his charming smiles.

Callie pretended like she had to seriously think about that before leaning forward and quickly kissing Mark on the cheek, "there's nothing to forgive you for. You had a reason for being in a foul mood, even if you were worse than your usual narcissistic self that we're all used to" Callie teased.

Mark smiled; he knew he deserved that one.

************

"Mark I'm fine" Lexie protested, Mark had insisted on carrying her back into the house despite Lexie's claims of being fine.

"You're not fine" Mark growled as he gently placed her down onto the couch, he had been blaming himself from the second it happened. This hadn't been how Mark had envisaged tonight going at all.

"Mark this isn't you're fault, I'm the one who wasn't watching where she was going and I'm the one who slipped not you" Lexie tried to reassure Mark. The instant it had happened Lexie knew that Mark would begin blaming himself.

Mark sat down at the opposite end of the couch, gently lifting Lexie's right leg onto his lap he carefully slipped Lexie's 3'inch heel off before running his fingers against her ankle. "It's sprained" Mark announced, sighing in frustration.

Lexie tried to ignore the tingling sensation that ran up her entire body at the feeling of Mark's fingers on her bare skin; she shook her head in exasperation. "Its _not _sprained" she argued, sitting up straighter so she could get a better look at her ankle.

"I'm the doctor here" Mark reminded her.

"And all that hard work I put into Harvard was for what exactly?" Lexie asked, trying really hard not to smile.

The night had started off fine with Lexie dropping Gracie off at Arizona's apartment before meeting Mark at Joe's like they had arranged. Then things seemed to go down hill from there.

First off was the annoyingly drunk derm nurse who wouldn't leave Lexie alone while Mark had gone to the bathroom before leaving for dinner. Then there was the huge storm that started the second they had walked out the door of the bar and to top it all off Lexie lost her footing against the wet pavement and slipped before landing on her right ankle funny.

While Lexie couldn't stand on it properly she had insisted that she was fine, Mark wouldn't believe her. Lexie had told him that her ankle just needed a minute to shake it off but again Mark wouldn't listen, quickly sweeping her up off the floor Mark carried her back to the car and called it a night.

Lexie had tried to act indifferent about it on the way home, as if she didn't really care whether or not tonight happened. But deep down Lexie could feel the disappointment beginning to grow inside of her, she wouldn't admit it out loud but Lexie had actually been excited about tonight.

Hence why it had taken her nearly three hours to finally pick an outfit out with Meredith's help, she had been more than grateful that Meredith hadn't made any cheeky remarks. Instead Meredith tried to be the big sister that she was quickly learning to be and avoided Mark's name.

"That's not the point" Mark growled, he was pissed off at the way things had happened. He was reluctant to call it a night but when he realised that Lexie's ankle wasn't going to 'shake it off' anytime soon Mark made an executive decision…one he wasn't happy making.

"Then what is the point?" Lexie asked.

"The point is that you're a mom, and you can't look after a baby with only one leg" Mark explained.

Through the cracks of the blinds Lexie could see a great big flash of lightening as the rain began to get heavy and a loud boom of thunder followed quickly after.

Lexie's control finally cracked as she let through a faint smile, "I have _two _legs Mark" Lexie pointed out while wriggling her toes.

Mark hadn't paid much attention to how Lexie's foot was sitting in his lap but the second Lexie wriggled her right foot Mark was quickly made aware of that fact. Suddenly feeling the lower half of his body spring to life Mark gently pushed Lexie's leg away and jumped up from the couch, "I'm gonna go get some ice for your foot" Mark announced, practically running into the kitchen.

Lexie frowned at Mark's sudden urgent need to get as far away from her as possible, unaware of what she had unintentionally done Lexie tried to figure out why Mark had reacted like that.

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by a loud cracking sound coming from the sky outside and the flicker of the lights. Lexie suddenly found herself sitting in a pitch dark living room, unable to even make out the outline of the coffee table that she knew was in front of her.

"Mark" Lexie called out, hoping to use the sound of his voice as a guide to where Mark was exactly because the whole house was encased in darkness.

"I'm right here Lexie" Mark called out, running his hand against the walls as he tried to navigate his way back into the living room. "Bloody hell" Mark cried out as he walked straight into a wooden table, which he was pretty sure hadn't been there on Sunday.

"What, what's wrong?" Lexie asked in a panic, she couldn't see anything and the last thing she needed was for Mark to hurt himself.

"I walked into a damn table" Mark answered while bent down on the floor, trying to feel for the ice-pack he had dropped.

Lexie jumped at the sudden sound of another thump and the rattle of various things moving, "and that?" Lexie called out.

"My head hitting the bloody table" Mark growled rubbing the back of his head as he rose to his feet. "Why the hell didn't I move back to New York?" Mark muttered loud enough for Lexie to hear him.

Mark was quickly beginning to get frustrated with the situation because while he couldn't see anything Mark could tell that there were pieces of furniture where they shouldn't have been. "Why the hell has everything been moved around?" Mark growled.

Lexie shook her head; she had heard Derek ask the same question only two days ago. "Izzie's gotten into this whole feng shui kick and Meredith told her that she could move some of the furniture around" Lexie explained.

"If she wants to move furniture around then she can move in to her own god damn house" Mark argued, sighing in relief as he finally found his way over to the couch.

Lexie giggled at Mark's statement while shaking her head in the dark as if Mark could see her.

"What's so funny?" Mark asked; sitting down on the edge of the couch he gently placed the icepack onto Lexie's ankle.

Lexie shook her head, nothing" she answered, "give me your phone" Lexie ordered, holding her hand out towards the sound of Mark's voice.

"Why?" Mark asked sceptically, "you think that you're going to magically make the electricity come back on with it" Mark joked.

"Ha, ha, ha, no I'm gonna call Derek, at least _he _can take on a piece of furniture without getting hurt" Lexie joked back with a sarcastic grin. "Idiot" Lexie muttered under her breath but intentionally made it loud enough for Mark to hear.

"You know that's the second person to call me an idiot today" Mark pointed out.

"Yeah well maybe you should start getting the hint" Lexie teased with a smile on her face, a smile that Mark could actually see as she used the glow from his cell phone as a light.

Mark shook his head, fighting to hide a smile on his own face. Despite how bad things had gone tonight he couldn't help but feel lighter at how easy things were between them right then and there. They were acting the same way they had been when things were good between them.

"Help me up" Lexie ordered, swinging her feet onto the ground and trying to stand.

"I thought that your ankle wasn't sprained" Mark teased with a smug grin on his face.

"Shut up and help me into the kitchen" Lexie answered flatly, still clutching onto Mark's phone as a guide.

Mark jumped up from the couch and with his arm wrapped around Lexie's waist as she shifted most of her weight onto him and helped her into the kitchen.

"What are we doing in here?" Mark asked in annoyance, he had just been in the kitchen.

"Apparently a few months ago there was a huge blackout in Seattle and Izzie was stuck in the house all alone, so she's obsessed with making sure that there's always a supply of candles just in case" Lexie explained. "Can you check they should be in the bottom draw" Lexie instructed.

Mark reluctantly let go of Lexie's waist and reached out to check the draw, collecting the six candles that he found Mark quickly guided Lexie back into the living room.

"Where do you want them" Mark asked, dumping the candles and a box of matched onto the coffee table.

"You can leaved two here and put two up on the mantle piece" Lexie ordered, "then why don't you put two on the wooden table…you know for your own protection" Lexie teased with an evil smile on her face.

Mark shook his head and chose to ignore her comment as he did what he was told to do. The instant that all the candles had been lit the entire room was filled with a soft light, shadows dancing across the wall behind them.

The room went silent but it was a comfortable silence, it wasn't like earlier before in Mark's office. Despite having still not discussed everything that needed to be dealt with things felt comfortable.

The silence of the room was interrupted by the sudden sound of Lexie's stomach rumbling. Lexie's hand quickly flew to her stomach as thought it would cover the sound, she could feel her cheeks burning red with embarrassment.

"Someone's hungry" Mark pointed out with a smirk on his face, he picked up a candle from the coffee table and began to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Lexie asked with a frown on her face.

"You're hungry and I promised you dinner, so I'm delivering my end of the deal" Mark explained before leaving the room.

************

Twenty minutes later Mark walked back into the room carrying a plate of sandwiches in one hand and the candle in the other while a wine bottle was tucked underneath his arm.

Gently setting everything down on to the table Mark looked at Lexie, "I'll be right back" he told her before leaving the room again.

Two seconds later Mark walked back in, where Lexie had relocated herself on to the floor, holding two wine glasses.

Sitting down opposite Lexie Mark poured each of them a glass of wine while Lexie distributed the sandwiches. Mark looked up at Lexie to take the plate from her but froze; there was something hypnotic about the light of the candle dancing across Lexie's face.

It made her eyes glow and Mark couldn't help but smile because he had been convinced that he'd never get to see those eyes again.

"Why didn't you?" Lexie suddenly asked, talking while chewing on her bite of the sandwich.

"Why didn't I what?" Mark asked curiously.

"Why didn't you move back to New York?" Lexie asked, leaning back against the couch and taking a sip of her wine. She wanted…needed to know why Mark had stayed in Seattle after she left.

Mark studied her face; he had been the one to suggest tonight so they could talk. And if he really wanted to talk things out then he needed to be honest. "Because Derek's here in Seattle, not in New York" Mark explained, unable to stop the lie that came out of his mouth.

He sighed in annoyance because he lied, "no that's a lie" he quickly declared. "I didn't go back to New York because deep down I was hoping that you'd come back and that we could maybe work out the incredible mess I made" Mark answered truthfully.

Lexie knew that it was probably wrong of her but she was relieved to hear Mark say that.

Mark hesitated in asking Lexie the one question he really wanted to ask her because he was worried about how it would be received by Lexie. He didn't want to upset her and he didn't want to end up in a fight but he really needed to know.

Mark opened his mouth and asked "so what did the Chief want to see you about this morning", completely chickening out and not asking what he really wanted to ask.

Lexie smile faintly, "the Chief offered me the choice of coming back to Seattle Grace as a Resident when I'm ready; he's even offered to allow me to continue with my fellowship".

"Fellowship" Mark repeated with a frown.

"About four months after I started at Connecticut Hospital I started the fellowship program in Peads" Lexie answered.

"_Peads"_ Mark repeated with disbelief, a shocked look on his face. "What happened to Plastics?"

Lexie nodded her head while trying to hide her smile behind her glass of wine, "things change…we were working on a 9 year old little boy who had a tumour in his bowl. All the doctors kept telling his parents that there was nothing that they could do for him, but his parents and Dr. Rowland refused to give up…"

"What happened to the boy?" Mark asked, finishing off his own sandwich.

"Three months ago he hit his tenth home run" Lexie answered proudly, she still couldn't believe that they had managed to save that little boy. From the second she saw the little boy smiling Lexie knew that Peads was where she really wanted to be.

Mark didn't even know it but he had unintentionally set himself up for the one question he'd been struggling to ask. Sighing in defeat Mark knew that if he didn't just ask the question then they'd never be able to move on with their lives.

He stood up and walked around the coffee table; sitting down next to Lexie Mark poured himself more wine before taking a huge gulp of it. He turned to look at Lexie, and using the added boost he just got from the alcohol he had consumed Mark asked the one thing he really wasn't even sure he wanted to know.

"Was there anyone…I mean in Connecticut, is there anyone waiting for you to go home?" Mark asked, trying to avoid eye contact with Lexie.

The idea of Lexie taking Gracie and going back to Connecticut wasn't Mark's only problem, he was also terrified that somewhere along the line in the last ten months Lexie had moved on. That she had found someone else who she thought would make a better father for Gracie, that at any moment now she was going to pack up and leave just like that.

Lexie wished she could say that the question had been a surprise but it wasn't, she had even been wondering that same thing herself the more time she spent with Mark lately. So it was only fair that _one _of them brought the topic up.

"There was one guy; an old army buddy of Eric's that Molly kept trying to push on me. I…I went out to dinner with him once. But I never saw him again after that" Lexie whispered timidly.

"Why" Mark choked, just the idea of there even being another guy made him feel things that Mark had never felt before. But he owed Lexie the chance to explain before he made something out of nothing and went off on the deep end.

Lexie took a deep breath and finally looked Mark in the eyes; she could see the pain and vulnerability in them. That was something that Mark had never let anyone see before…not even Derek.

"Because the whole time I sat across from him at dinner all I kept thinking about was the fact that he wasn't tall enough, he didn't have blue eyes or enough grey hairs…or a beard. And then later that night he kissed me and I pulled back straight away" Lexie explained.

Her eyes kept moving back and forth between Mark's eyes and his lips, with only a few inches of space between them Lexie was very tempted to just reach across and kiss him.

"The minute I felt his lips against mine I knew that it was all wrong, I…he wasn't you" Lexie whispered softly. She shook her head in disbelief at the memory of it all, "for three weeks I couldn't stop feeling guilty, despite having broken up I still felt like I had cheated on you and I hated feeling like that".

Mark sat there mesmerised by her face; he couldn't quite comprehend what she had been saying. Despite what he did to Lexie the idea that she would still feel that kind of bond with him and that there could never be anyone else was hard to comprehend.

Mark chugged down the rest of his wine and then blurted out the first thing that had come into his head, "I locked myself up inside Derek's trailer because just the thought of being with another woman made me sick to my stomach" Mark confessed.

Lexie let out a tired laugh, "we're pathetic…we break up yet we can't go our separate ways".

"You know what this means right?" Mark asked, because even if Lexie couldn't Mark could see the writing clearly on the wall.

"That we're stuck, that even if we wanted to we can't move on. We can't try to start new relationships because…we're stuck" Lexie answered, looking into thin air.

"I wish getting over you was as easy as sleeping with the first woman who came through the door but it's not" Mark told her. But just the thought of that sounded wrong to Mark and he scrunched up his face as he shook his head.

"You know what no; I don't wish it was that easy to get over you because I _don't want to get over you_. Us…you, me and Gracie, that makes sense to me" Mark declared.

He turned his whole body so that he could face Lexie and cupped her cheeks in his hands, "I meant what I said, you were the one who put me back together Lex and there isn't anyone else on this planet that I could even think of staying whole for. So I need you to tell me what to do" Mark begged. Inching his body closer towards Lexie Mark's hands felt their way down the side of her neck and down her arms until he clasped her hands tightly.

"I need you to tell me what to do to make this right, to make us…us again because frankly I have no other options. The only thing that makes sense to me is my family, _our _family…you me and Gracie and I'm not about to let that go because of one stupid mistake" Mark explained.

There was this sense of urgency that Lexie could see in Mark's eyes, this need for her to understand but more importantly to believe him.

Lexie didn't want to fight Mark anymore, hell she didn't want to fight with him at all. She had been more than willing to surrender from the beginning but things had just seemed to spiral out of control before Lexie even had a chance to make things right.

As she continued to stare into Mark's eyes Lexie didn't need to think twice about it to know that she wanted exactly the same thing as Mark. She wanted to do what ever it would take to fix them, to get past all the lies and all the hurt so that they could be a family.

"I don't want to fight anymore" Lexie whispered, resting her forehead against Mark's Lexie fingers untangled themselves from Mark's and began skimming over the buttons on Mark's shirt.

He still smelt the same to Lexie and it still sent a tingle up her nose because it meant that Mark was in arms reach of her. She loved knowing what it felt like to be held by Mark, to feel his skin against hers…she was quickly surrendering everything she had back over to him and for the first time in a long time that idea didn't seem so scary anymore.

Mark leant forward, ready to capture Lexie's lips with his own when they were interrupted by the sound of Meredith's voice over the answering machine. "Hey Lexie it's me, just wanted to let you know that Derek's going to be stuck at the hospital until at least 10am and that I'm going to be spending the night at Cristina's because she had a thing with Hunt tonight and she needs her person…but if you see her don't tell her that I told you that. Oh and I also forgot to mention that Alex and Izzie have gone away for the weekend so you and Gracie have the house all to yourselves tonight bye".

Mark and Lexie had both been looking at the answering machine as they listened to the sound of Meredith's voice. Turning their heads to look at each other in the dim light of the candles Mark couldn't help but smile.

"What time do we need to pick Gracie up?" Mark whispered, he loved his daughter to death but at this very second he really wished that they could just have the whole night to themselves without any interruption.

"When I was dropping her off Dr. Torres gave me this funny look and told me that she wasn't due in to work until tomorrow afternoon, so I was more than welcome to leave her there for the night" Lexie answered.

Lexie's hands had seemed to have a mind of their own because, not even thinking about it, she had been slowly begun undoing the buttons of Mark's shirt the whole time she had was talking.

"Would we be terrible parents if we actually took Callie up on her offer?" Mark hoarsely, his mouth seemed to be completely dry all of the sudden. But in his mind he was thanking Callie profusely and reminding himself that he needed to buy her a really nice expensive present.

"Actually I think that it would be pretty rude of us _not _to take Dr. Torres up on her offer, I mean we don't want her to think that we don't trust her with our daughter" Lexie answered Mark. Her hands making light work of Mark's shirt and completely pulling it off of his body.

Mark swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and was forced to close his eyes as he let the sensation of Lexie's fingers skimming down his bare chest hit him.

He had tried to remember what it felt like to have Lexie's skin against his for the last ten months. But he didn't have the photographic memory that she did and it could never have competed with the real thing.

The closer Lexie's hands neared the belt buckle of Mark's pants the more excited his body seemed to get and he couldn't control it. It was almost as if his entire body had a mind of its own and like it knew that it was Lexie's fingers and no one else's.

Lexie leant forward to kiss Mark but he quickly titled his head back, she could see the pain in his eyes. Along with the fear that if he let this go on that she'd wake up regretting it in the morning, her hand ghosted over his lips as she picked herself up from the floor and sat down in Mark's lap. Straddling him she brought her hands up back around his neck and began playing with the hairs on the back of his head.

"I could never regret anything that happens between us" Lexie whispered in Mark's ear. Lexie was hoping that would reassure Mark that she wanted him just as much as he so clearly wanted her.

Those words were the undoing of Mark Sloan…deciding to throw caution to wind and to listen to his heart instead of his head for once in his life Mark pulled Lexie closer towards him, if that could even be done, and kissed her passionately.

Sweeping his tongue through her mouth Mark prayed like hell that it would be enough to try and show Lexie everything he was thinking and everything he was feeling when it came to her…to them.

Mark knew that they should stop, that after everything that had happened they needed to take things slowly because it wasn't only the two of them now relying on them making this work…but he couldn't. Mark had lost all sense of reason and sense of self-control as Lexie wriggled slightly with a devious smile against his lips as she continued to kiss him.

All Mark wanted to do was saviour the moment, to hold onto the feeling that this was right and that they belonged together because Mark had never felt like that with anyone before.

As they pulled away from a lack of oxygen the feeling on Lexie's breath tickling the side of his neck ignited something inside of him, something that he hadn't felt in over ten months…something that he knew only belonged to Lexie.

Stroking her hair as Lexie rested her head against Mark's bare shoulder he bent down to kiss her on the top of her head. "I love you" Mark heard himself say and it wasn't as scary as he thought it would be all those months ago.

He didn't have the sudden urge to go running for the hills or to take it back; instead he couldn't help but smile because for the first time in the last ten months they were the only words that felt right to Mark.

Lexie raised her head as he looked Mark straight in the eyes, waiting for him to take it back or to come up with some excuse for saying it but he didn't. Mark didn't say another word as he sat there on the floor waiting for Lexie to respond, her mind suddenly became a cloud of haze.

She didn't know what to say or how to react, all she did know was that right here right now, being with Mark like this felt more right to her then anything else in the world…well besides being the mother of Mark's child that is.

"I love you to" Lexie whispered before crashing her lips on top of Mark's, this time Lexie had forgone being gentle and patient. Instead it was rushed and needy, as if she couldn't get enough of the taste of his lips on her own mouth. It was intoxicating to Lexie and she remembered just how much she used to love doing this.

"Mark" Lexie groaned as his warm lips began to make a trail down her neck and along her collarbone.

Grabbing a fist full of hair Lexie pulled Mark's head back before quickly claiming his lips; with their mouths still fused together Mark gently pulled Lexie down to the floor on top of him.

"Are you sure about this?" Mark asked hesitantly, he didn't want Lexie to feel as though he was pushing her into something that she wasn't ready for. All Lexie had to do was say the word and he would stop, although it would be utterly painful and torturous, he would nevertheless stop.

Lexie smiled wickedly at Mark as she shook her head, "now I know I've been gone for way too long, Mark Sloan asking if I want him to _stop_" Lexie teased. "I think you need a reminder on how this actually works" Lexie whispered, sitting up on top of him.

"I'd be more than happy for you to teach me" Mark declared, grasping the side of her neck, Mark pulled Lexie back down.

He had no intentions of making the same mistakes as before, he had been given a second chance and Mark had every intention of using it.

************

**Pretty, please review :-) **


	7. Knockin' On Heavens Door

************

**Knockin' On Heavens Door**

Lexie sighed in relief as she slammed the pen down on to the bench; her hand felt like it was about cramp up from all the writing. She had been called into the hospital to fill out _some simple paper _work for her fellowship in Peads, so that it would be ready and waiting for her.

But simple paperwork had turned into an endless mountain and luckily for her Izzie had been more than grateful to look after Gracie.

"Hey" Meredith greeted Lexie with an exhausted smile; she had been given her fair share of her own running around all day. "What are you still doing here; I thought you would have made a run for it by now" Meredith asked with a concerned look on her face.

It took a lot of compromising and a lot of hard work but Mark and Lexie had finally managed to work things out. Ever since that first night they had slowly worked their way back to where they were before the whole mess with Thatcher, a mess that they were both trying to forget.

With Gracie nearly three months old Lexie was actually looking forward to coming back to work, her life seemed to be getting back on track and she had never been happier then she was right now.

While everyone had accepted that Mark and Lexie were back together and now, with Gracie, a family they didn't push the matter. No one had had the guts to ask them just how better things had gotten, every time Meredith or Izzie talked about asking Derek would scold them like they were little school girls.

Lexie scoffed at Meredith's questions as she slumped down into her chair, "I'd like to, but unfortunately my stupid boyfriend and your stupid husband are in surgery with Dr. Hunt" Lexie explained.

"What does that have to do with you?" Meredith asked with a frown on her face.

Lexie yawned before she even had a chance to answer Meredith's question, she hadn't realised just how tired she was until she finally got the chance to sit down.

"My stupid car broke down yesterday; Mark took it to the mechanics so he was my ride this morning. And now I have to wait until he's out of surgery which could be", Lexie paused so she could look at her watch and let out a soft whimper, "not for another _four hours"_.

Meredith smiled at her sister's over dramatic behaviour, it was one of reason Meredith enjoyed spending time with Lexie. Lexie always knew how to do or say something that would make Meredith laugh and right now they all needed a reason to laugh.

"Come on sleeping beauty lets get you home before you turn into a pumpkin" Meredith teased, pulling Lexie up from out of her chair.

Lexie furrowed her brow in Meredith's direction, "I think you mean Cinderella" she corrected her sister.

Meredith rolled her eyes, only Lexie would correct _Meredith Grey _on fairytale stories, "do I really look like the kind of person who spent their nights reading fairytale stories when she was a little girl?" Meredith asked with a teasing look on her face.

Lexie gave Meredith an exhausted smiled and mumbled an apology under breath to which Meredith just shook her head. "Come on" Meredith called out and began dragging Lexie down the hall.

"Wait" Lexie called out, "what about Mark? He's gonna be looking for me all over the place" Lexie pointed out. She hated the thought of Mark wasting his time while he searched for her when he could go straight home.

Home of course being Meredith's house, Mark had made the suggestion that they move in together and buy a house so that Gracie would have a place over her own to run around. Lexie had been hesitant about the idea; while she _wanted _to live with Mark she was still worried that it would all come crashing down…Lexie wasn't comfortable with the idea of moving out of Meredith's right now.

Surprisingly enough it was Meredith who had made the suggestion that Mark just move in with them completely, well at least until Lexie really was ready to move out and it turned out to be a win, win situation for them all…well everyone except for Alex. Of course Derek kept making snide remarks that no one was forcing him to live there.

Meredith thought about Lexie's statement, she was far too tired and pretty sure that her body wouldn't be able to handle walking to the surgical board to find out what O.R. the men were in and then walk over to the O.R. to tell Mark she was taking Lexie home. Just the thought of doing all that walking made Meredith even more exhausted.

Suddenly she smiled as she spotted a scrub nurse walking down the corridor from the waiting room, she looked like she was about to go back in to surgery. "Excuse me" Meredith called out to the nurse, whose name she had no clue, and reluctantly ran after her.

"Yes Dr. Grey" the nurse greeted Meredith with a sweet smile.

Meredith smiled awkwardly at the short little woman; she hated it when nurses were kind to her while she was struggling to figure out who they were exactly. "You're not scrubbing in to Dr. Sloan's surgery by any chance?" Meredith asked hopefully.

The scrub nurse nodded her head, "Dr. Hunt asked me to come out and give the family an update" she explained.

"Great" Meredith sighed in relief, "then can you do me a favour and just let Dr. Sloan know that Dr. Grey, the other Dr. Grey, will be coming home with me so she won't be waiting for him to finish his surgery" Meredith explained in a rush and ran off without even waiting for the nurses answer.

Meredith ran past Lexie, grabbing her by the hand she pulled Lexie towards the nearest elevator. "Thank you" Lexie called out to the nurse, looking back over her shoulder just as Meredith yanked on to the elevator.

The scrub nurse giggled as she shook her head at the two Dr. Greys, while the nurses had accepted the fact that Dr. Sloan was no longer the man whore that he used to be, it was still beyond their understanding how Meredith and Lexie Grey managed to bag two men like Mark and Derek.

**************

"Uh Dr. Sloan" the nurse called out sheepishly, her voice sounding muffled by the surgical mask that was covering her face.

"_What!"_ Mark roared; he expected the nurses of all people to know how much Mark hated it when unimportant people were talking to him during a surgery.

"I um, I…" the nurse struggled to say.

"Spit it out already" Mark ordered, never taking his eyes off of the patient's arm.

"Dr. Grey asked me to let you know that the other Dr. Grey would be getting a ride home with her so she won't be waiting for you" the nurse managed to explain all in one breath before fading into the background so she could do her job.

"Why did Lexie have to wait for you to finish?" Derek asked while concentrating on the incision he had just made inside the man's brain.

Mark sighed in defeat, "because her stupid car broke down yesterday and she forced me to take it to the mechanics" Mark explained.

"Forced you" Owen repeated sceptically, he found it hard to believe that anyone could force Mark Sloan into doing anything.

"If Mark had it his way he would have taken that thing straight to a junkyard" Derek explained before Mark had a chance to answer the question himself.

"What is it with women and needing to hold on to useless things for sentimental value, the way I see it is if it doesn't work you throw it away" Mark argued.

"Uh you do realise you're talking to the wrong men about this" Owen pointed out while working on the stomach contents of the patient. "I pretty sure that Cristina and Meredith don't know what _sentimental value_ even means" Owen suggested.

"You're just mad because she won't let you buy her a new car" Derek pointed out, his surgical mask covering a smirk on his face.

"First off I can _hear _you smirking over there" Mark informed Derek, "and secondly it has nothing to do with me wanting to buy her a car. It's the fact that the piece of crap has had it and it'll probably cost more to fix whatever's wrong with it then to buy a damn new one" Mark argued.

"Why won't she get rid of it?" Owen asked curiously, over the last month or so he had become friendly with Mark and Derek. It wasn't to the extent that Mark and Derek were with each other, but it was close enough for now.

"Because it was the car that her parents bought her when she got into Harvard" Mark mimicked Lexie's explanation with a whiny voice like a little kid.

"Hey Hunt ask Mark how many cars he had during Med school" Derek teased.

"How many" Owen asked, he knew exactly where this was going and he rather enjoyed watching Mark and Derek take the piss out of each other.

"_Eight_" Derek answered with a huge grin on his face.

"No" Mark jumped in protesting immediately; "It was kind of seven" he answered sheepishly.

"So like kind of seven, kind of six huh" Derek teased, he still got a good laugh every time he remembered Lexie's revelation about how his mother had grilled her.

"Excuse me?" Owen asked with his brow furrowed.

"Nothing" Mark jumped in before Derek could elaborate, he didn't need the rest of the surgical staff knowing about Mrs. Shepherd's interrogation of Lexie.

"So which one was it eight or seven" Owen asked, hoping to change to conversation because he could sense that Mark didn't want to carry on with whatever Derek was talking about.

"It was eight…but it would have been _seven_" Mark emphasised, "if it wasn't for that idiot Archer" he explained.

"Who's Archer?" Owen asked.

"Addison's brother; the moron totalled my car while we had all gone away for the weekend so I was _forced_ to buy a new one" Mark answered.

"So kind of six, kind of seven" Owen teased, he knew that it was wrong but he couldn't resist.

Derek was known for having self-control inside the O.R. but he couldn't help laugh at Owen's little dig at Mark, even if Owen didn't know what the joke was about it.

"You two suck" Mark pouted turning his attention back to the patient; he refused to talk to either of them for the rest of the surgery.

**************

With her head leaning against the window Lexie couldn't help but let out a small giggle, "Mark's going to be swearing his head off when he walks out into the car park" Lexie declared while her finger traced a drop of rain as it slid down the window.

Meredith looked over at Lexie out of the corner of her eye and they both began to laugh, Mark Sloan's displeasure for the Seattle weather had become just as infamous as his surgical skills. "I don't think I've ever met a grown man who despises rain as much as Mark does" Meredith pointed out.

It was starting to rain even harder and Meredith hated driving in this kind of weather, especially when she had seen numerous patients come through the hospital because of it.

Lexie pulled her eyes away from the window and looked over at Meredith, "Mark can be a big baby sometimes" Lexie teased with a sly smile on her face, "but don't tell him I said that".

Meredith nodded her head with a smile on her face; she had to squint so she could see properly. With the pouring rain and the lack of street lights, despite being a main road, it was becoming harder for Meredith to see the road; all she could really make out was the green traffic light shining at her.

"Well your secrets safe with me" Meredith reassured her.

Lexie reached out and turned the radio on, "ooh I love this song" Lexie squealed and began singing along to the words of a Coldplay song.

Meredith cracked up and began laughing hysterically at her sister who was mimicking the song lyrics and make crazy hands gestures to go along with it.

Lexie's goofing off slowly began to slow down as her attention was drawn to a small light she could see out of the corner of her eye. Lexie turned her head to the right and suddenly the small light turned into to two very bright headlights quickly coming closer and closer towards them.

"_Meredith look out_" Lexie screamed off the top of her lungs, but by the time she had managed to say the words it was too late.

The oncoming car had already sideswiped the front end of Meredith's car, slamming directly into Lexie's side of the car it had missed her door only by a few inches.

Panic took over Meredith as she felt herself losing control over the car, she kept turning the steering wheel in the hopes of gaining control again but the force of blow had been too hard.

Before she could think of what to do she felt the rear end of the car slam into a street pole.

Her head jerked back and forth, slamming into the steering wheel and against the head rest before she slumped down forwards over the steering wheel.

As she slowly felt herself fall into the world of unconsciousness, that Lexie seemed to be in, she managed to make out the screaming sounds she could hear coming from the side of the road…._"Somebody call 911"_.

Meredith couldn't seem to deny the allure that the world of sleep seemed to be offering and she quickly closely her eyes, thinking to herself that it wouldn't hurt to take a little nap until Derek came.

**************

Mark had just managed to stop the bleeding in the patients Cephalic vein while Derek was still trying to get to the clot in the man's brain when they both suddenly stopped what they were doing and looked at each other.

Mark had this gut feeling in his stomach like something was wrong but he didn't know what it was, while Derek could feel a shiver run down his spine.

Neither of them knew _why _they had been compelled to look at the other one or why they were both feeling like something wasn't right, but it was almost as if their bodies had a mind of its own.

With a frown on their faces Mark and Derek continued to stare at each other as though any second now the other one would be able to explain what had just happened.

Owen looked back and forth between the two of them, he was starting to get worried because they both froze up and were concentrating on each other rather than on the patient.

"You two ok up there?" Owen asked, having moved on to operating on the man's thing, with a concerned look on his face. He too reluctantly pulled his focus away from the patient and onto the two of them.

"_Mark, Derek_" he barked, his own voice echoing through out the silent O.R. as the rest of the surgical staff continued to watch Mark and Derek in fascination.

Derek reluctantly looked away from Mark and shifted his focus onto Owen, "we're fine" Derek reassured Hunt. Shaking his head in the hopes of forgetting what had just happened Derek turned his attention back to the patient.

Mark also went back to doing his work but he still had this gut feeling that something was really wrong, and he couldn't do anything to make it go away.

Owen looked over at Mark and Derek out of the corner of his eye, he could see that the two of them were a lot more tense and a lot more on edge then they had been a few seconds ago.

"So did either of you catch the game last night?" Owen asked, hoping that it would help Derek and Mark snap out of it.

**************

Meredith could hear the sounds of panicked voices become clearer and clearer along with the continuous sound of the horn going off from the other car as her eyes slowly began to open up.

As she gently rose her head up off the steering wheel and leant back into the head rest Meredith felt like she had been hit by a truck.

Her head felt as though it had been split open and she was sure that she had broken her third and index finger on her left hand along with a few cracked ribs. Carefully turning her head to the side Meredith had to stop herself from crying as saw Lexie slumped up against the car window.

"Lexie" Meredith called out in a panic and gently shook her by the shoulder but there was no response. With Meredith's medical training kicking into gear she tried to assess her sister's injuries.

Gently undoing her seat belt, being careful not to knock her fingers, Meredith leant over to Lexie's side. Bitting down on her bottom lip to try and ease the pain Meredith cradled the ribs on her left side as she reached out to turn Lexie's head towards her.

It was obvious that Lexie had slammed her head up against the window as blood continued to trickle down her face, there were shards of glass around the wound not to mention the cracked window.

However it wasn't Lexie's head wound that was worrying Meredith…it was the rest of her. Meredith's eyes travelled down the length of Lexie's body until they stopped at her legs, they were pinned underneath the dashboard.

"Lex" Meredith called out again trying to wake her up, only this time she didn't try shaking her in case of spinal damage.

Still there was no answer from Lexie and Meredith's defense broke down, "_answer me god damn it_" Meredith exclaimed as tears began to slide down her cheeks. Wiping the tears away from her eyes Meredith's concentration was momentarily broken away from Lexie as she spotted the blood on her fingers.

Looking in to the rear view mirror Meredith saw the deep gash that she was sporting on her own forehead, it looked deep and was bleeding all the way down the side of her face.

But Meredith didn't care about her own injuries; she needed to concentrate of Lexie. Wiping away the blood from her face Meredith turned her attention back to Lexie; she was quickly beginning to freak out and did the one thing she was petrified of doing up until then.

Cradling Lexie's left wrist in her left hand Meredith took her pulse using the good fingers on her right hand, Meredith could feel her own heartbeat racing in her ears as she searched for a pulse.

She closed her eyes and sighed in relief as she finally managed to find a very faint and very slow heartbeat.

Gently letting go of Lexie's hand Meredith decided she needed to get a better look at Lexie, and the only way she was going to do that was by going around to Lexie's side. So she turned to open her car door but it took all the strength in Meredith's body just to accomplish that.

Stumbling out of the car Meredith fell down on to her hands and knees, the fall threw Meredith off balance and suddenly she felt very dizzy. Feeling disoriented and nauseous Meredith wasn't able to control her lunch from coming back up before she collapsed fully onto the ground.

"Mam are you ok?" a man asked, rushing up to Meredith and falling on to his knees beside her. "Mam can you hear me, can you tell me your name?" he asked Meredith, shaking her to try and keep her awake.

Meredith reluctantly opened her eyes as she felt herself being brought back to reality. "Meredith" she managed to gasp, it was suddenly getting harder for her to breath.

"Ok Meredith, can you tell me what today's day is" he asked in a panic.

"Derek" Meredith managed to mumble; completely disoriented she turned her head side to side in search of Derek.

**************

"Dr. Hunt you're needed in the E.R." Alex called out in a hurry as he burst through the door, loosely holding a surgical mask to his face.

"I'm a bit busy Karev" Dr. Hunt sneered at the Resident as he tried to get the bleeding in the patient's right leg under control.

"There's an MVA coming into the E.R., one of the drivers has already been brought in but there's another one on there way" Alex explained.

Mark tried to ignore that sickening feeling he was getting in the pit of his stomach again, walking around to Owen's side of the operating table he took the scalpel from Owen's hand.

"Go, we got this" he reassured Owen, pushing the gnawing feeling away he concentrated on trying to get the bleeding under control.

Owen nodded his head and turned to Alex, "what are you doing just standing there, move it Karev" Owen barked at him before running out of the O.R. and heading straight for the E.R.

**************

"The second driver's here" Callie announced to the doctors who were attending to the man that had been brought in.

"Karev you go with Torres" the Chief ordered as he worked along side Bailey, Hunt and Nelson to try and save the man.

Callie and Alex ran outside to the emergency bay to help get the gurney off the back of car, they both froze the minute they saw Meredith lying on the gurney.

It took Callie a few seconds to snap out of it before she turned to Alex, "go get the Chief" she ordered him but Alex couldn't move. "Karev _now_" she screamed.

Alex snapped out of it and quickly ran back into the E.R., bursting through the door of the exam room that the other patient had been in Alex looked around frantically.

"Chief it's Meredith" Alex declared.

"Karev what the hell are you talking about" Owen asked as he tried to examine the man's leg.

"The other driver, the woman who was driving the other car…it's Meredith Grey" Alex repeated.

Everyone froze in their spot and stopped what they were doing as they let what Alex had just said sink in.

Cristina dropped the I.V. bag she was holding and headed straight towards the door.

"Yang you're not going anywhere near that girl you understand me" Bailey barked at her and indicated to Alex for him to block the door.

"But Dr. Bailey…"

"No buts Yang, Grey needs doctors in there that are able to function…able to think properly and you sure as hell won't be one of them" Dr. Bailey explained.

Cristina suddenly remembered something that the paramedic had mentioned and turned to Alex, "then who's the passenger, the paramedic said that there was another person in the car with Mere…who the hell was she with?" she asked frantically.

She kept looking around the room for somebody to answer her but the Chief and Dr. Bailey were too busy working on the man; instead they shook their heads in answer to Cristina's question.

Owen stood at the end of the bed as his mind recalled the conversation he had been having with Mark and Derek back in the O.R. "Lexie" Owen declared with a horrified look on his face.

"_What_" the Chief yelled out, Owen's revelation having gotten his attention.

"Meredith was giving Lexie a ride home" Owen explained, his memory becoming jumbled up.

"Dr. Nelson I need you out here" Callie screamed over the top of Alex's shoulder.

"I'll be there in a…"

"No right _now"_ Callie roared and quickly ran back to Meredith.

Nelson sighed as he took his gloves off and push his way past Alex to go and see what the urgent request was about.

**************

"Hey can I get a doctor over here" the paramedic screamed out as they wheeled Lexie into the E.R.

"Dear god" Dr. Bailey whispered in complete shock as she saw the state Lexie was in. They were on their way to taking the man up to surgery but none of them could seem to take their eyes off of Lexie and her bloodied body.

"Hey people are you listening to me" the paramedic roared, hoping to snap them all out of it.

"Dr. Bailey I'll be right behind you" the Chief explained with a pleading look for her to try and stay under control.

Dr. Bailey nodded her head in understanding and ordered two of the Interns to help her wheel the man up to the O.R. while Dr. Hunt and the Chief attended to Lexie.

"How is she?" Owen asked, barely managing to get the question out.

"Not good, she went into asystole on her way here. We managed to get her heart going again but I'm afraid she might be suffering from cardiac tamponade" the paramedic explained as they all helped shift her over to a hospital bed.

"She had fluid in her pericardium sac?" the Chief asked in disbelief, the night seemed to be going from bad to worse.

"No more like blood" he answered as the paramedic handed the Chief a chart with all of Lexie's vitals that they had taken on site.

"We need to get her into surgery _now_" Alex explained with a serious look on his face, he may not have been hardcore about Cardio like Cristina but he knew what a tear in the pericardium meant.

"Not before she gets a Neuro consult" Owen declared looking at the Chief, "there's bleeding in her ear canal…she could suffer permanent brain damage if we don't treat it immediately" he argued.

Alex had to stop himself from tearing Owen to pieces and looked over at the Chief, "getting her a Neuro consult won't mean squat if she's already dead and that's exactly what's going to happen if we _don't_ get her into surgery _now_" Alex reasoned with the Chief.

"Chief" Callie called out as she walked into the exam room but stopped in her tracks, "oh my god" she screamed out in a complete panic as her eyes studied Lexie's entire bruised and bloody body.

"She was in the car" Alex explained before Callie had a chance to ask the question.

"Looks like her side of the car took most of the impact" Owen added before looking back at the Chief, waiting for an answer.

"Are we going to at least _try _and save Lexie's life or are we going to let her die because she had to wait for you to make a decision?" Owen snapped. He had become fond of Lexie over the last few months as he learned about the skills she possessed.

"Uh…Dr," Callie struggled to say, her eyes were hooked on Lexie's legs.

"Dr. Torres" the Chief called out; snapping her out of her trance Callie looked at him.

"Dr. Nelson's taken Meredith Grey up to the O.R.; she has a clot in her front temporal lobe as well as a collapsed lung. He thinks that one of the three broken ribs pierced her lung and is the reason why it's building up with blood" Callie explained all in one breath.

"Well that takes care of Meredith, what about Lexie" Owe asked, it had been the first time that Owen had referred to either of them by their first names.

Richard froze, he couldn't think. It was one thing to find out that one of his surgeons had been in an accident but two…Richard couldn't seem to process the information. It also didn't help that no one had paged Derek or Mark to let them in on the situation, how was he supposed to tell them that both sisters were in an accident and that it looked bad.

"Somebody page Shepherd now" Owen ordered, deciding that if the Chief wasn't able to make the decision then he'd do it for him.

Alex couldn't believe the call that Owen was making and tried to move Lexie's bed himself, but Owen's grip stopped him from having any luck.

"Karev I'm head of Trauma, which means I make the decisions about the trauma cases that come through those doors. Now either you can help me by making sure that Dr. Shepherd get's down here ASAP or I'll find someone else who can" Owen barked at him.

He wasn't in the mood to play a pissing competition with Alex.

"What about her paracardium?" Alex asked, ignoring everything Owen had just said to him.

"Karev we can drain the sac and control the bleeding long enough for Dr. Shepherd to be able to run the tests he needs to see what he's dealing with here ok" Owen tried to reason with him in a gentler tone. "Fixing her pericardium isn't going to mean anything if she has to spend the rest of her life as a vegetable…are you going to be the one to explain it all to Sloan if we do things your way and it doesn't work out?" Owen questioned him.

Alex immediately threw his hands up in the air and conceited to Owen, he refused to be the one to have to tell Mark what was going on. Alex knew what it was like to be on the other end of all this and he couldn't be the one to inflict the same pain.

"Hunt, Karev get Lexie down to CT and complete whatever scans you think that Shepherd would need in order to operate, we might be able to buy her some time" the Chief ordered, finally managing to pull himself together and find his voice again.

"How" Callie asked sceptically while trying to examine her legs.

"Because at least this way by the time I pull Derek out of surgery and explain everything to him Lexie should be ready to go" the Chief explained, he watched Callie as she examined Lexie's legs.

"Do you want Dr. Hunt to take scans of her legs while he's at it, it might be a hell of a lot less painful for her if we could get all the surgeries done at once" the Chief suggested.

Callie shook her head, "she doesn't have time for that and besides I don't think her body could handle that much surgery all in one hit. For now I'll get in there and stop the bleeding, we can worry about fixing the bones tomorrow" Callie answered.

"Ok then" the Chief relented then turned to Owen, "get her out of here" he ordered and no less than two seconds later Alex and Owen had Lexie on her way to get the CT scans that Derek would need completed.

Callie finally managed to find the strength to move her legs and stood in front of the Chief with her arms folded across her chest.

She asked the one question that no one had wanted to think about, "can Derek really do this?"

"He doesn't have a choice, _Sloan _needs him to do this because I don't have any other Neuro on-call" the Chief answered Callie's question seriously.

Callie sighed in exhaustion, she could feel the tears beginning to build up and her throat was starting to feel tighter. She couldn't believe that this was happening all over again, just when they were all starting to move on from George something like this happens.

But that wasn't the worst part; the worst part was that this was Meredith and Lexie they were dealing with…the women that Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan were madly in love with. Callie was terrified of how Mark was going to react to all of this, or if he could even cope.

"I'll go get Shepherd" Callie volunteered with a sombre look on her face, she felt as though she was a dead man walking.

"Are you sure?" the Chief asked hesitantly.

Callie nodded her head, "it would be better coming from me" she explained.

"Ok, but if Sloan's still operating I don't won't you telling him a thing understood, right now he's not of any use to either of them and killing his own patient from shock won't help things" the Chief tried to explain to Callie.

Callie nodded her head again, "mums the word until Mark finishes his surgery" Callie reassured him. But she felt sick to her stomach at just the thought of keeping secrets from Mark.

The Chief sighed in relief and nodded his head before he turned to walk away, "where are you going?" Callie shouted out.

The Chief looked over his shoulder at Callie as he continued to walk down the hall, "I'm going to find me a Cardio surgeon" he yelled back.

************

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	8. Didn't We Almost Have It All

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**Didn't We Almost Have It All**

Callie was pacing up and down the hall outside the O.R., waiting for Mark to finish his surgery so that she could finally explain what was going on. Once she had managed to stop the bleeding in Lexie's legs Callie came straight back so she could do the hardest thing that she would ever have to do in her life…tell Mark.

She felt sick to her stomach as she tried to picture what Mark's reaction would be like but there was no way that you could guess something like that. This was Lexie they were talking about here, and if Mark's reaction to her leaving was any indication, then Callie was pretty sure that it wouldn't be good.

The man barely managed to function when she was living out of state so Callie didn't even want to imagine what Mark would be like if Lexie, if Lexie….she couldn't even say it, just the thought if it made her sick.

Callie came crashing back down to earth when she suddenly felt herself slam into a firm, solid body before stumbling down onto the floor.

Mark laughed at the sight of Callie lying on the ground, "Torres you really need to watch where you're going" Mark joked.

Callie nodded her head with an awkward smile and took Mark's hand to help get her back up on her feet, as she watched the wide eyed smile on Mark's face Callie began to worry.

She worried that she'd never get to see that smile again or that they'd never hear Mark laugh again and she cringed, just the thought of it sent a shiver down her spine.

"What is it, what's wrong Callie?" Mark asked immediately, the second he saw Callie cringe he could tell that something was going on. It also didn't help that Derek had been acting weird when he went back into the O.R. to close up early on their patient, when Mark had asked what the other emergency was Derek had been cryptic and refused to look him in the eye.

That sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was back, only this time it was ten times worse then anything Mark had ever felt before. And as Callie continued to look at him with those sad, sympathetic eyes of hers Mark was beginning to have trouble breathing.

Taking a step back and leaning against the wall Mark tried to look at anything other than Callie, "is Gracie…"

"Gracie's fine" Callie reassured Mark, taking a step closer she gently squeezed his shoulders to try and get his attention. Looking Mark straight in the eyes Callie took a deep breath, but nothing was going to help prepare her for what was about to happen.

She didn't want to be doing this; she had been praying like hell that this wasn't anything more than a bad dream. But it wasn't a bad dream, it was reality and if she could find the strength to tell Derek and convince him to operate on Lexie then she could tell Mark.

"There was an accident" Callie declared with a shaky voice, she was struggling to do this without falling apart. "A man ran through a red light after he passed out, Mark…it was Meredith, Meredith and Lexie were in the other car" Callie managed to finally say.

Mark's legs gave way and he quickly slumped down onto the floor, he felt sick to his stomach, he began gasping for air but it was pointless. As the words registered in his head, as it sunk in that Lexie had been in an accident Mark's ability to function began to shut down. He felt like he was about to crawl out of his own skin and began shaking his head adamantly like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Mark" Callie whispered soothingly as she slowly reached out.

Mark continued to shake his head, pushing Callie's hand away he tried to crawl back away from Callie as though by keeping some distance between them it wouldn't make it true.

"Mark" Callie tried again with a pleading look, he needed to try and pull it together.

"No, no, no" Mark kept repeating with a far away look on his face.

"Mark" Callie yelled, she didn't want to be yelling at him but right now he needed someone to be the strong one for him.

Mark slowly studied Callie's tired and puffy red eyes that told him she had been clearly crying, and the lost look in them…it finally hit him. He couldn't run from it, he couldn't pretend like it wasn't happening.

"Oh god" Mark screamed before doing the one thing he never did in public, he began sobbing uncontrollably as he realised just how bad things really were.

He didn't need to go to Lexie or to talk to one of the other doctors to know just how much trouble Lexie was in, all he had to do was look at Callie. And the look on her face was clearly telling him that he'd be lucky if he didn't lose her tonight.

Callie held Mark as they sat on the floor and both cried; Mark felt like he was about to go insane. It was like some huge cosmic joke, just when Mark thought his life was slowly being put back together it as now crumbling down around him.

"I can't….I can't" Mark tried to get out through his tears but couldn't do it; instead he buried his face in the crook of Callie's neck and cried even harder as he held on to Callie's scrub shirt tightly.

************

"Dr. Shepherd" Richard called out sombrely as he entered the scrub room, he had to look twice to make sure that he wasn't imagining things as he studied Erica Hahn.

"Richard" Derek muttered; he was struggling to keep a perspective on all of this when all he really wanted to do was crawl into a whole and hide until he knew that Meredith and Lexie were fine.

"Derek Dr. Hahn is doing me a favour by agreeing to come here" Richard introduced them. "She was in town treating a patient at Mercy West when…"

"Dr. Webber explained to me what happened and who the patient is, Dr. Shepherd I'd just like to say that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that the patient makes it through this" Erica tried to reassure Derek.

Didn't have the time or the brain capacity to worry about whether or not Erica could do the job.

"Her name is _Lexie_ and you better be up for this" Derek warned her with a glaring look, "because she has a man who loves her and daughter waiting out there for her to pull through this and they _both _need her" Derek retorted before walking into the O.R. without a second thought to Noah.

"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed" Erica joked, but the look on the Chief's face clearly told Erica that it was the wrong time for that.

************

"Where's Mark?" Derek called out to a frantic Callie who was running up and down the hallway.

"I don't know…he took off, he just got up and left and I've looked everywhere, I even called Joe's but nobody can find him" Callie answered helplessly. She then began talking to herself in Spanish as she continued to pace the halls.

She kept blaming herself for not running after him, but Mark looked like he needed to be alone…she didn't think that he'd run away. Now Mark was missing and Callie was terrified that Mark was going to do something stupid

Derek grabbed Callie by the shoulders to try and get her to sit still and to stop muttering in Spanish. "Did you call Izzie; he might have gone back to the house so he could see Gracie?" Derek suggested; he had to believe that there was a logical explanation for Mark's disappearance.

"I called and explained everything to her, Izzie's on her way here with Gracie now but she hasn't seen Mark" Callie explained.

Derek sighed as he scrubbed his face; he really couldn't believe that this was happening all over again. The whole time that he had been operating on Lexie he struggled to keep it all together, every time he thought about the fact that it was Lexie he was operating on or that Meredith was being operated on by Dr. Nelson Derek just wanted to scream off the top of his lungs.

"How's Meredith" Derek asked as they began to make their way down to ICU so that they could check on her and wait for Lexie to be brought down from the O.R. as well.

Callie gave Derek an encouraging smile, "Dr. Nelson stoped the bleeding and says that she'll make a full recovery" Callie reassured him.

"What about Lexie" Callie asked hesitantly.

Carolyn Shepherd had always said that when you have nothing good to say then you say nothing at all, so Derek decided to follow his mother's advice and said nothing as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Where the hell are you Mark" Callie muttered anxiously under her breath.

************

Mark closed his eyes as the cool air blew against his skin, it was still raining and his soaked scrubs were beginning to stick to his cold skin but Mark didn't care. He welcomed the cold rain and prayed that he would become so numb that he couldn't feel anything because it was better than this right now.

Mark couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if he lost Lexie, he couldn't do it he knew that much. He knew that he wouldn't be able to survive it, he knew that he couldn't be a single father and that scared him the most. As much as he loved Gracie and wanted to be the best father he could be he couldn't do it without Lexie.

Mark's life had never been so dependent on another person like it was right now, Mark was terrified if Lexie…if she died that he'd shut down, that he wouldn't be able to function let alone be a father.

Mark knew that his mind was going to the worst case scenario but it always went there, Mark was a practical man and logic always got the better of him. So instead Mark decided to run, he decided to hide and try and pretend like none of this was happening because as long as Mark could pretend then he's head wouldn't go there.

"You're nothing but a coward" George declared in disbelief as he stood at the entrance to the helipad of the hospital.

"Get lost O'Malley" Mark growled, he didn't need to be hearing a lecture from anyone least of all George.

"Lexie, the woman you love…the mother of your child is fighting for her life and you're up here sitting in the cold rain hiding, _you're pathetic"_ George hissed.

"O'Malley unless you want me to throw you off this building shut the hell up" Mark warned with a fierce glare on his face.

George shook his head and walked over to Mark, "she needs you" George tried to reason with a gentler voice.

"You don't think I know that" Mark growled as he began pacing up and down the middle of the helipad. "But I can't…I can't do this O'Malley don't you get that" Mark yelled so he could be heard over the top of the pounding rain. "I can't just stand aside and watch her die, watcher her leave me here to raise a baby on my own".

"She isn't dead yet and besides this isn't about you" George yelled back, he was quickly getting just as wet as Mark was. "This is about Lexie, this about that sweet, amazing woman who for whatever reason decided that you were the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, the man who was going to be father of her child" George explained.

"So you need to pull yourself together and become the tough son of a bitch that all the Interns know you as for Lexie sake. If not for Lexie then think about Gracie, she already has one parent who can't be there for her right now, are you honestly going to disappoint her" George yelled.

Mark stood in his spot speechless, George had never spoke out against an Attending before and to chose _Mark _to start with would seem crazy on any other day. The idea that George O'Malley would be the one to talk him back down to earth seemed absurd, but right now that was exactly what Mark needed.

"O'Malley you're a good man" Mark commended George while lightly punching him on the arm.

"Thank you sir" George muttered as he rubbed his sore arm while following Mark off down the roof.

************

"Where the hell have you two been" Dr. Bailey asked in shock, "you two are dripping wet from head to toe" Miranda pointed out as she watched Mark charge into Lexie's hospital room and sit down next to her.

"We uh, we needed some air" George answered vaguely as he smiled awkwardly at everyone in the room; it wasn't his place to share Mark's personal business.

"Well you need to go and get changed before you make that poor girl soaking wet" Dr. Bailey ordered Mark, pointing to his wet hand which was holding onto Lexie's.

"I'm not going anywhere" Mark answered through gritted teeth, if any of them thought that he was going to leave her side then they were insane.

"You're going to catch pneumonia dressed like that" Dr. Bailey tried to reason with him.

"I don't care" Mark yelled out loud, "I said I'm not leaving".

The room went awkwardly silent as the Chief studied everyone inside the room, he could see that Derek was eager to get to Meredith. "Dr. Bailey why don't we give Dr. Sloan some time alone" he suggested and ushered her out of the room.

"I'm gonna go get you a blanket and some dry scrubs" Callie told Mark nervously, she was worried that he would begin yelling at her too but when she got no response she took that as an ok and quickly left the room.

"How is she?" Mark whispered in a hoarse voice as his free hand began to move down the side of Lexie's face and travel down the length of her body until he reached her legs. Mark reluctantly let go of Lexie's hand and pulled the end of the blankets away so he could get a better look.

Mark quickly closed his eyes and took a deep breath while wishing that he hadn't done that. They were a mess and it looked as though the only thing that had been done was that the bleeding had been stopped.

"Torres was worried that she wouldn't be able to handle the surgery so only worked on stopping the bleeds for now. She's going to wait and see how Lexie is tomorrow before she starts discussing surgery" Derek explained.

Mark nodded his head and made his way up towards the head of the bed, Lexie was unconscious and intubated. The right side of her face was completely bruised and battered with cuts all over it and her right arm was wrapped up in a sling.

Mark gently cradled the left side of Lexie's face in his hand kissed her gently on the corner of her mouth, making sure not to move the tube, as he began to shake. "I love you" he whispered into her ear before reluctantly pulling away and sat down.

"Mark" Derek softly called out while clasping Mark's shoulder, "she had some bleeding in her brain and…when I got in there it turned out that the bleed was bigger than I expected. The bleed happened just outside her parietal lobe but there was enough damage done to that part of her brain to leave some cause for concern, but we won't know how bad it is until she wakes up" Derek explained.

Derek sighed as Mark continued to just sit there holding Lexie's hand, he wouldn't say anything or respond to anything Derek had just told him.

"Lexie's pericardium was full of blood but Dr. Hahn managed to drain it and stop the bleed" Derek added optimistically, hoping that some bit of good news would snap Mark out of it.

"I can't do this Derek, I know that everyone is telling me that I need to suck it up and pull it together for Gracie's sake but I can't. Derek I need Lexie, I need her otherwise I'm going to turn back into that man I once was and that terrifies me" Mark finally found the courage to speak.

"Mark that's not you, you aren't that man anymore….I'm not going to sit here and tell you that Lexie's going to pull through because we don't know that. But what I am going to tell you is that having you here will help Lexie find her way back to us" Derek tried to comfort Mark.

"Meredith?" Mark managed to get out.

Derek nodded his head, "she's doing well. Dr. Nelson managed to stop the bleed and her ribs have been set, she's going to be sore but she'll pull through" Derek reassured Mark, but he wasn't sure that Mark had actually been listening.

Derek had just been to check up on Meredith and knew that she'd fine so he decided to sit a while with Mark, Derek tried to be strong for Mark but he was worried sick about what might happen.

"She put me back together" Mark finally whispered, Lexie's hand that he was holding onto tightly was pressed up against his lips. "She didn't judge me; she didn't let my past or other people's opinions of me dictate what she saw when she looked at me".

"Mark" Derek whispered; he felt relieved that Mark was opening up to him but he was worried because it was almost starting to sound like a goodbye speech.

Mark suddenly began laughing sarcastically, "then she came to my hotel room and took off all her clothes…at first I thought she was insane, I mean who the hell strips in front of their boss? But then I quickly began to realise that I was the one who was insane. I mean how stupid could I have been not to see her up until then?" Mark asked himself in disbelief.

"But then again I guess that's that exactly the kind of man I was, I only took notice of women who were taking their clothes off. And then Lexie came along and I realised that it was more than just about the sex; it's about the stuff that comes afterwards that matters. We'd stay up for hours talking about anything and everything until one of us would drift off to sleep" Mark remembered with a fond smile until the first tear managed to escape.

Mark leant his head against Lexie's uninjured cheek and began to cry again, "I need you to fight Lexie. I need you to come back to me because I can't do this on my own, I can't raise Gracie on my own…I need you to make sure that I don't screw things up and turn Gracie into some spoilt little rich kid" Mark half joke while wiping away his tears.

"Please come back to me" Mark begged, his voice was so dry and croaky that he felt like he couldn't swallow.

Derek quickly wiped his eye as he felt a tear escape from him, the last thing Mark needed was for Derek to fall apart on him but it was killing Derek. He had never seen Mark this lost and this distraught before and it scared him,, Derek usually knew all the right things to say and do to comfort Mark but this time he was helpless.

"I have some freshly clean scrubs and an adorable little baby girl sitting outside, waiting for her father" Callie declared, completely oblivious to the fact that she had just walked in on something.

"Mark" Callie called out awkwardly and looked at Derek for some help.

Derek rose from his chair and patted Mark on the back, "come on man, why don't you go and change into some dry scrubs and then you can hold Gracie for a little while" Derek suggested.

Mark shrugged away from Derek and shook his head, "im not leaving her" he repeated again more sternly then he had the first time.

"Ok then I'll just get Izzie to bring Gracie in here" Callie told him, she was sure that all Mark needed was a bit of face time with his daughter to lighten his mood…not that anything would help.

"I don't want to see her" Mark managed to mutter loud enough for the both of them to hear him.

"But Mark she's you're daughter" Callie tried to reason with Mark, she was completely dumfounded that she didn't know what else to say.

"I said _no_" Mark yelled, "I don't want her anywhere near me do you understand? Now why don't you two just get the hell out of here" Mark ordered with a fierce glare on his face.

************

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	9. BandAid Covers the Bullet Hole

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**Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole**

Arizona paced the hallway of the Peads unit while bouncing Gracie up and down in her arms; she didn't really understand what was going on. One minute she had been scrubbing out of surgery and the next she had been paged to the I.C.U where Callie had snapped at her to take the baby.

All Arizona knew was that there had been a terrible accident and that Meredith and Lexie were pretty lucky, other than that she was in the dark.

And now she was struggling to try and calm Gracie down; ever since she had taken the baby from Izzie she had been unsettled. It was like Gracie knew that there was something going on, that her mother was missing and now she couldn't stop crying.

Arizona loved babies but not so much when they cried a lot, Arizona felt like she was going insane. She had been struggling to calm Gracie down for the last two hours and Callie had made it pretty clear to keep her away from Mark which seemed insane to her.

"She's just like her father" Carolyn declared with a sympathetic smile on her face, she knew how much trouble a fussy Sloan could be to handle.

"I'm sorry who are you?" Arizona asked in confusion.

"I'm Carolyn Shepherd, Mark and Derek's mother…and that is my grand-daughter" Carolyn explained with a proud smile as she gently took Gracie out of Arizona's arms, Gracie's full blown cry begun to slow down to a whimper as Carolyn held her.

"Oh god I'm so sorry" Arizona apologised in embarrassment, "I'm Arizona Robbins" Arizona introduced herself with the biggest smile she could muster.

Carolyn shook her head, "no need for apologises and it's wonderful to meet you Arizona" Carolyn greeted her with a motherly smile.

"Did Derek call you?" Arizona asked; it was the most logical conclusion she could come up with for how the woman got here so quickly.

"Actually Derek has no idea that I'm here, Dr. Bailey called me…she thought that at a time like this the boys could use their mother, so naturally I caught the first plane out here" Carolyn explained, she couldn't take her eyes off of Gracie.

Despite Mark's description of the little girl Carolyn couldn't have imagined just how adorable she really was. Carolyn couldn't help but beam with pride from the second Mark had called to tell her about Gracie. She had known from the second she laid eyes on Lexie that she was a good girl but this only proved it even more.

Carolyn would be forever grateful to the young Intern for giving Mark the one thing that Addison had taken away from him, she gave him a family and hopefully it would stay that way.

"She won't stop crying" Arizona stated sheepishly while pointing at Gracie, "I've tried everything but she just won't stop".

"That's because she knows there's something wrong, we don't give children enough credit" Carolyn commented while making a silly face at Gracie to try and calm her down.

"Well I've tried and failed miserably, maybe you'll have better luck because she seems to like you better" Arizona answered, holding out a baby bottle full of formula that Izzie had made up and brought to her a few minutes ago.

"Sweetheart I have five children and 9 grandchildren, its called practice. You'll get the swing of things one day" Carolyn reassured her.

"Dr. Bailey is a genius" Arizona whispered in awe of the woman standing in front of her, from the second she took Gracie Carolyn had the little girl under control with minimal fuss.

Carolyn let out a soft laugh, "no she's just a mother and mothers always know what children need before they do. As soon as she's in daddy's arms everything will be better" Carolyn reassured Arizona as she began to make her way down the corridor.

"Woah, wait a minute where do you think you're going?" Arizona asked in a panic.

"I'm going to take Gracie to Mark" Carolyn explained in confusion, she couldn't understand why Arizona would have a problem with that.

"You can't, Calliope made it pretty clear that Mark doesn't want Gracie in there" Arizona argued.

Carolyn rolled her eyes, "I'll deal with my son" she assured her before walking away.

************

"You know baby's can sense when something is wrong even before they learn to walk or talk" Carolyn stated as she made her way over to Mark, he still hadn't let go of Lexie's hand.

"Woah, what" Mark asked in confusion as he turned his head from side to side, he had finally managed to drift off to sleep so he needed a few seconds to get his bearings and fully wake up. Looking over at Lexie Mark remembered why he was still at the hospital and not back at home lying in bed.

Mark looked down at his watch and saw that it was past 11pm; he had been sitting in the same chair for the last 5 hours and he was beginning to feel stiff.

"You're daughter is hungry" Carolyn declared, holding out the bottle of formula in front of Mark's face.

Mark shook his head, "I told Callie I didn't want her in here" Mark muttered under his breath while trying not to look at her.

"For the love of god Mark are you honestly going to sit here and listen to your daughter cry of hunger because you've decided to act like a two year old?" Carolyn asked in disbelief.

Clearly Derek and Callie's way of dealing with Mark hadn't worked so Carolyn decided she was going do things her way.

"Just leave" Mark growled in a soft voice, he didn't want to scare Gracie.

"Don't you dear speak to me like that young man, now I know that I raised you with proper manners so you better dig deep and find out where they're hiding because I won't put up with your attitude buster" Carolyn scolded him with a stern look on her face.

"You're not my mother" Mark retorted without even thinking, he winced the second the words came out his mouth.

Carolyn tried not to let Mark's words affect her but it felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach, as far she was concerned Mark was her son and no one was going to tell her otherwise.

Mark ran a hand through his hair and groaned in frustration, he was so busy worrying himself sick about Lexie that he didn't seem to care who he hurt in process…it seemed anyone was up for grabs, even his own daughter and the woman he saw as his mother.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that….as far as I'm concerned you are my mother, it's just that I'm so scared right now and I'm taking it out on everyone" Mark tried to explain with a shaky voice.

Carolyn shook her head, "its ok to be scared Mark, no one's expecting you to keep it all together" Carolyn reassured him with a sweet smile.

Deciding that the matter had been dealt with, and that Mark was know going to be on his best behaviour, Carolyn gently shifted Gracie into Mark's arms and pushed the bottle of milk into his free hand.

The instant Gracie felt her father's arms she immediately stopped whimpering and opened her mouth while her eyes were closed; waiting for her father to feed her.

Carolyn smiled proudly at the picture in front of her; she always knew that Mark had it in him to be a good father. He had just needed the chance and Lexie could see that from the beginning.

Mark felt like kicking himself as he watched Gracie suck on the bottle of milk, how he could have even thought of pushing her away when he needed Gracie the most he'd never understand.

But Mark did understand that it was what he did best, when he was hurting he pushed the people he loved away and Mark knew that it was something he needed to work on.

"How did you do this?" Mark asked in a haze, his head felt like a ball of fog and he had no way of sorting out what was real and what wasn't.

"Do what?" Carolyn asked, trying to pretend like she had no idea what Mark was eluding to.

Mark looked down at Gracie who was greedily sucking down on her milk like she couldn't get enough of it; he couldn't help but smile at her. From the moment Mark had laid eyes on Gracie she had become his saving grace…the one thing, other than Lexie, that would always make him smile no matter how bad his day had been.

"Learn to live without the love of your life, to raise five children on your own" Mark whispered softly, he was terrified that if he said it any louder that it would become his fate as well.

"Mark Sloan don't you even dare go there do you understand me" Carolyn ordered him with a stern look. "You are not going to have to do this on your own because that sweet, beautiful woman will wake up".

"What if…"

"No" Carolyn interrupted him while holding a hand up, "you're not going to torture yourself with what if's Mark. Right now you are going to concentrate on being here for this beautiful baby girl and _believe_ that Lexie will wake up soon" Carolyn ordered Mark.

"I don't know what I would have done without you" Mark told her with a grateful smile on his face.

Carolyn shook her head in protest, "Mark your resilience had nothing to do with me, it was all you" Carolyn argued.

Mark shook his head, "you were the one who taught me how to be strong, how to hold my head up high and live through whatever life has to throw at you" Mark explained.

Carolynn sighed; it seemed she had done a better job at putting on an act then she had thought. "Mark I'm going to tell you something….I never got over Jacob's death, you never do. There are some days that I wake up and I still expect him to walk through the front door" Carolyn revealed.

"But you've always managed to keep it together" Mark pointed out in disbelief.

"It's part of being a parent; you do anything to make sure that your children feel safe and secure. The last thing any of you kids needed was for me to fall apart at the seams after losing Jacob" Carolyn informed Mark.

"Lexie's the strong one, not me" Mark whispered as he looked over at Lexie, his eyes lingered over the bruising on her face.

"Get up" Carolyn ordered.

"What?" Mark asked in confusion.

"You heard me, stand up. You've clearly been couped up in this room for far too long and have been given far too much time alone with your thoughts….whoever let that happen is an idiot" Carolyn tried to joke, hoping that it would lighten the mood. "But I'll forgive them so long as you take that sweet baby grand-daughter of mine and go for a walk, stretch your legs and give your self a chance to clear your head" Carolyn stated.

Mark began to shake his head in protest; the last thing he wanted to be doing is leave Lexie alone.

"Mark I'm going to be sitting here with her the whole time, I promise you that I won't leave this room unless it's to come and find you" Carolyn promised Mark.

Mark looked over at a sleeping Lexie hesitantly before looking down at Gracie who was still feeding from her bottle. The idea of getting the chance to stretch his legs sounded appealing but he still wasn't sure about leaving Lexie alone.

"I'm not asking Mark, I'm _telling_" Carolyn ordered as she nudged Mark up off of his seat. "Now I don't want to see you step foot inside this room for at least _one hour_ understood mister" Carolyn instructed Mark.

"Mom" Mark began to protest, he could entertain the idea of taking a walk with Gracie but staying away from Lexie for over an hour was out of the question.

Carolyn shook her head as she carefully guided Mark towards the door, "now Mark I am not about to let my precious little grand-daughter feel completely alone and abandoned...are you?" Carolyn asked.

"Using emotional blackmail is just evil" Mark grumbled playful as he began to make his way out of the room, he knew Carolyn well enough to know that fighting with her was pointless.

Carolyn smiled sweetly at Mark, "consider that as my gift to you, the lesson of emotional blackmail…trust me it'll come in handy when she gets older".

Carolyn watched Mark as he made his way down the hallway softly whispering something to Gracie, she couldn't be entirely sure _what_ he was saying. But Carolyn did manage to make out the word grandma a few times before Mark turned the corner.

"Now what are we going to do about you?" Carolyn asked an unconscious Lexie as she made her way over to the seat Mark had just vacated. Carolyn gently took her hand and squeezed it tightly, praying that Lexie would show some sort of response to the sensation but there was nothing.

Sighing in defeat Carolyn shook her head, "I knew from the moment I meet you that you were exactly what Mark needed, that you'd never leave him. So you better not even be _thinking _about making me into a liar Lexie Grey…because if you are then we're going to have bigger problems then why I don't have any baby photos when you wake up" Carolyn warned Lexie confidently.

************

"What are you still doing here?" Mark asked with a frown on his face, it was nearly midnight and he knew for a fact that neither Callie nor Arizona were on-call.

Arizona shrugged her shoulders casually like it was no big deal, "neither of us wanted to stray too far from the hospital" Arizona admitted timidly. Over the last eleven months Arizona had gotten to know Mark enough to know that he hated being pitied.

Mark shook his head in protest, "I can't have you and Callie trying to treat patients while you're half asleep because of me".

"Mark we're big girls, we can take care of ourselves" Arizona reassured him with a faint smile, she was sure that Mark wouldn't appreciate her overly sunny disposition for the time being.

"I know, I just hate all of this, I hate people feeling sorry for me" Mark growled softly so he didn't scare Gracie and wake her up. The second she had finished her bottle she had fallen asleep in Mark's arms.

"Well that's much better" Arizona commented as she pointed down to Gracie, despite how hard she had tried not to be too perky she couldn't help but smile at seeing Gracie calm and settled.

"Sorry I wasn't much help" Arizona apologised shamefully, she had been feeling guilty for not being able to calm Gracie down.

"There's nothing to apologise for" Mark reassured Arizona, "if anyone should be apologising it should be me" he sighed.

"What for" Arizona asked with a frown on her face. Somewhere along the line of their conversation the two of them had begun walking the deserted halls of Seattle Grace.

"I had no right to saddle you or anyone else with looking after Gracie. She's my daughter and I should have been looking after Gracie the second Stevens had brought her in" Mark explained with a disgusted look on his face for how he acted.

Arizona stopped in her tracks; laying a hand on Mark's forearm she squeezed it comfortingly. "Mark you had just seen the woman you loved in the darkest point in her life, no body expects you to have it all together. You've just got to have some faith in Lexie and in the doctors working on her" Arizona stated with a comforting smile.

Mark gave Arizona an exhausted smile, not that he really had much of a reason to smile. "Yeah well I owe Derek and Hahn" Mark commented without even thinking.

"Hahn…Erica Hahn?" Arizona asked uncomfortably. Callie had explained everything to Arizona about her past relationship with Erica Hahn.

"Yeah, she's was in town and the Chief called her in as a favour" Mark explained cautiously, Arizona's sudden change in behaviour made Mark feel like he had just put his foot in it.

"So Erica Hahn's here, she's here in Seattle Grace right _now_" Arizona repeated while trying to psyche herself up, to reassure herself that it was no big deal.

"Torres didn't tell you" Mark pointed out with a frown on his face; he couldn't blame Arizona for being nervous. He knew that his reaction wouldn't have been any better if Lexie's ex suddenly showed up, but Mark hoped that Callie wasn't getting any crazy idea. He liked Arizona, he could see the two of them becoming really good friends and he didn't want to see her get hurt.

"No I actually haven't had a chance to speak to Calliope" Arizona tried to defend Callie when her pager suddenly went off.

"I need to take this" Arizona sighed; she had been hoping to remain inconspicuous while she and Callie kept a vigil over Mark and Gracie.

"Go I'll be ok" Mark reassured her with a smile as big as he could muster in that moment.

"I'll get this sorted out and then I'll come by Lexie's room" Arizona told Mark as she waved her pager in the air.

Mark nodded his head gratefully, despite how much he hated having people feel sorry for him Mark knew without a doubt that he wouldn't have been able to get through this without Derek, Callie and Arizona.

************

Mark and Gracie stood in the doorway; despite the fact that his right arm felt like it was going numb he refused to let her go. Mark was worried that Gracie would get scared if she suddenly woke up and he wasn't there, Mark refused to walk away from his daughter unless it was a complete necessity.

Mark took in the scene before him, which could only be described as complete chaos, inside Meredith's hospital room.

Derek was sitting by Meredith's bedside, holding her hand, while he tried to block out the sound of Izzie and George arguing with one another. Mark couldn't understand how Meredith was still in a coma with the sound of the two of them shouting back and forth so loudly.

Alex seemed to be the only one giving Derek his space as he sat quietly in the corner of the room, Mark tried to figure out what Alex was thinking but his face was doing an excellent job at masking his emotions.

Turning his attention back to Derek Mark could see that he was on edge because of Cristina; she seemed to be determined to a run a hole in the ground as she paced back and forth.

Shaking his head in disbelief Mark sighed, he had no idea how Derek could be bothered to put up with their behaviour. But he also knew that Derek didn't have the energy or the strength to tell them to leave, someone would have to do it for him.

"All of you out" Mark declared in a threatening tone as he walked in to the room, he could have sworn he saw Derek smile in relief the second he saw Mark walk into the room.

George, Izzie and Cristina all began protesting at once, talking over one another, that Mark couldn't make out what they were saying. "Shut it" Mark growled, "so help me god if your incessant and pointless babbling wakes my daughter up I will kill you…_all of you_" Mark warned with a glaring look.

The three of them instantly shut up, none of them were dumb enough to argue with Mark…especially after what he's going through right now.

"I said _out_" Mark exclaimed as loud as he could without waking Gracie up.

Alex sighed in relief as he rose from his chair because he now had an excuse to leave the room. While he loved Meredith like a sister Alex didn't want to be inside a hospital room unless he was going in there as a doctor, he knew exactly what Derek and Mark were going through and he didn't need a reminder of it.

Alex had to literally pull Izzie and George out of Meredith's room, after managing to get rid of them Alex walked back into the room to deal with Cristina. Blocking her path Alex stood in front of her with his arms crossed, Alex shook his head at Cristina's glaring look.

"You're on your own with that one" Alex told Mark while pointing at Cristina before quickly leaving the room.

"Yang out" Mark barked as he made his way over to Derek and sat down beside him.

Cristina ignored Mark's order and continued to pace up and down the room, it had only been five seconds and Mark couldn't handle Cristina's pacing…he had no idea how Derek had put up with it until now.

"Yang I swear to god if you don't leave this room in five seconds I'll throw you out myself and trust me that'll only piss me off even more…I've had the day from hell so you better not push me" Mark warned.

Gracie stirred for a second at hearing her father's voice but quickly went back to sleep.

Cristina hesitated as she decided what to do; it was her best friend…her person lying in that hospital bed. But she also knew that Mark meant business and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

"5, 4…" Mark began to count down slowly, "3, 2…"

"Ok, ok I'm going" Cristina relented and quickly left only to stick her head back into the room, "but don't think you've seen the last of me" Cristina warned them.

Mark couldn't help but smirk at his success, despite everything that had happened over the last year or so he could still scare the Residents.

"Thank you" Derek sighed in relief, he finally felt like he could relax since stepping foot inside Meredith's hospital room.

"You've gone soft" Mark teased with a faint smile, while he wasn't up to being his usual self, Mark knew that Derek needed him right now just as much as he needed Derek.

Derek shrugged his shoulders, "they're her family" he argued. He knew that Meredith would want them there so he didn't have the heart to kick them out.

"How is she?" Mark asked Derek as he finally looked over at Meredith who was unconscious; he felt some sense of relief at the fact that Meredith didn't look as bad as Lexie did.

Derek nodded his head, "she's ok, it's going to be awhile before she wakes up but there's been no change" he answered.

Derek looked over at a sleeping Gracie and couldn't help but genuinely smile for the first time that night, seeing Mark hold Gracie gave Derek comfort in knowing that was one thing less he'd have to worry about.

"Can I?" Derek asked, holding his hands out towards Gracie.

Mark didn't need to think twice about it as he handed Gracie over to Derek, right now Mark was very protective over who could and couldn't hold his daughter and Derek was definitely on top of his yes pile.

"I'm glad to see you came to your senses" Derek pointed out with a smirk on his face; it was his way of telling Mark that he didn't need to worry about him.

Derek was mesmerised with Gracie who was still asleep, as he studied her face Derek realised that she was beginning to look more and more like Mark if that was even possible. His thoughts then began to wonder over to Meredith and about whether or not they'd get the chance to have their own little Shepherd.

"It's not exactly like mom gave me a choice" Mark sighed, he was grateful to Carolyn for coming to Seattle and for kicking his butt into gear.

"Mom's here?" Derek asked in surprise and confusion, he was now trying to figure out how the hell his mom had gotten to Seattle along with who was responsible for calling her.

"You didn't call her?" Mark responded; he was certain that Derek had been the one to call Carolyn.

Derek shook his head, "calling mom was the last thing on my mind".

Mark nodded his head in understanding, "they're going to be fine" he reassured Derek. Now it was just matter of Mark convincing himself of that, "they're Grey's and Grey's are very resilient people".

Derek let out an exhausted laugh, "you know I keep wondering what I'd do if I ever lost Meredith" he admitted solemnly.

"When the hell did we go from being two successfully independent surgeons to two men whose whole world depends on a woman named Grey?" Mark asked in disbelief.

He really had been left alone with his thoughts for too long because Mark had been trying to find an answer to that question for the last few hours.

Derek shook his head, "no idea, I guess it's the Grey Charm…but admit it, you wouldn't have it any other way" Derek argued.

Mark looked down at Gracie, "that would require giving up my family and I'm sure as hell not about to do that" Mark confessed.

Neither of them had the energy to carry on with a conversation so instead they sat in a comfortable silence as Mark waited for an hour to pass so he could return to Lexie.

"Is it time yet" Mark whined like a five year old, he had been insistent on asking Derek every five minutes if an hour had passed. Mark was afraid of going against Carolyn and not doing as he was told…Carolyn Shepherd was _not _somebody you wanted to piss off.

Shaking his head in the negative Derek sighed in exasperation, "for god sakes Mark you're a grown man. Just go back into Lexie's room and tell mom that she can't push you around anymore" Derek suggested.

Mark was looking at Derek like he had suddenly lost plot, "you want me to _defy_ a Carolyn Shepherd order, what are you nuts?"

Derek couldn't help but laugh at Mark's behaviour; it at least meant that he was focusing on something other than Lexie for now.

"Obviously I wasn't thinking clearly" Derek conceited while trying not to smile.

"Obviously" Mark scoffed sarcastically.

"Hey there you are" Arizona called out in relief, "I just stoped by Lexie's room and Carolyn told me she kicked you out" Arizona recollected with a smile. She found it hard to believe that _anyone _could tell Mark Sloan what to do, but apparently Carolyn Shepherd was a master of all trades.

"Well you found me" Mark pointed out as he let out a yawn, it was nearly one in the morning and somewhere along the line Gracie had ended up back in his arms.

Arizona shook her head in concern and stepped into the room, "Mark you should go home and get some sleep" she suggested.

Mark immediately shook his head while letting out another yawn, "I'm not going anywhere, I still have another…" Mark paused and looked over at Derek.

Derek looked down at his watch, "35 minutes" he declared.

"I still have another 35 minutes before I'm allowed back into Lexie's room" Mark explained to Arizona just as Callie walked in.

"Hey when did Mrs. Shepherd get here?" Callie asked with an excited smile on her face, with the lack of contact she's had with her own mother over the last few months Callie was excited to have a mother figure around.

"About an hour ago" Derek answered as he let out a yawn, "you had to start didn't you" he scolded Mark for yawning.

"Hey it's not my fault" Mark stifled through another yawn.

"Ok you know what this is ridiculous" Arizona announced in annoyance, "the two of you have been working since 5am and haven't had any sleep, it's no wonder you're both so exhausted. You need to go home and get some sleep" Arizona ordered with a stern look on her face.

"I'm…" Mark began to protest.

"Not going anywhere, we know" Arizona repeated in hopelessness, "Mark will you at least think of Gracie. She can't sleep in your arms all night, she needs a proper bed" Arizona tried to reason with him.

Mark looked down at Gracie who was still sleeping; he and Lexie didn't really have anything to complain about when it came to Gracie because she slept like a rock. He knew that Arizona was right, as reluctant as he was to let her go Mark knew that Gracie should be sleeping in her crib.

"Then you take her" Mark suggested as he carefully rose from his seat and made his way over to Arizona.

"Wha…what" Arizona stammered in surprise as she took Gracie from Mark and cradled the little girl in her arms.

"You and Torres need to go home and get some sleep, you can take Gracie with you" Mark reasoned, it was the only option that made sense to him.

"Here" Derek called out as he stuck his hand inside his pocket and fished out a set of keys. "You guys might as well crash out our place" he suggested, throwing the keys to Callie.

"You want us to take Gracie home…back to your place" Callie repeated sceptically because she wasn't sure she had actually heard them correctly.

Derek shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal, "it makes sense, everything Gracie needs is at home".

"But we don't have a car seat, we can't take her" Arizona argued.

Mark fished out his own set of keys and held them out to Arizona, "the car is parked near the entrance of the hospital, Callie will know which one it is" he explained. Mark had recently bought a black SUV because it was far more practical then a Porsche, not that he sold the car…Mark couldn't bring himself to part with that.

Arizona suddenly felt overwhelmed with all these keys being thrown at her, "Mark I'm not sure about this" Arizona stated hesitantly.

"You've watched her before, you'll be fine" Mark reassured her.

Arizona looked at Callie uncertainly, she wasn't sure if this was a good idea so she decided to follow Callie's lead.

Callie knew that Mark needed her right now; he needed her to do the things that he'd otherwise be too embarrassed to ask. Nodding her head in agreement Callie took Mark's keys from him.

"You ready?" she asked Arizona with a grateful smile, she wasn't sure she'd be able to get through this without her.

"Yep" Arizona answered, waving bye to Mark and Derek she left the room and waited out side in the hallway for Callie.

"We'll be back in the morning with Gracie" Callie told Mark softly, she leant forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Look after yourself ok and if you need anything, and I mean _anything_ at all, just page me and I'll be here immediately" Callie promised Mark.

"The same goes for you too ok" Callie told Derek with a faint smile before leaving the room.

Mark smiled at the thought of Callie and what she was doing for him, Mark wasn't sure what he did to deserve a friend like Callie or Arizona but he knew that he needed them both.

"Remind me to buy them a really big present when all of this is over" Mark told Derek with a faint smile on his face.

************

"What are you doing?" Arizona asked warily as she stood in the doorway and watched Callie cover the couch in Meredith's living room with blankets and pillows.

While Arizona had taken Gracie upstairs, and settled her down into her crib, Callie had found some spare blankets and pillows to make up the couch.

"We need somewhere to sleep" Callie answered; she was so focused on fixing the couch that she wouldn't look at Arizona.

"But Gracie's upstairs and there's a bed in the room as well" Arizona pointed out in confusion.

Callie shook her head adamantly as her hands stabbed the edges of the couch to make sure that the blanket was tucked in properly. "Nope that's Mark and Lexie's bed; I'm not sleeping in _their_ bed" Callie told Arizona as she fluffed the pillow in her hands violently.

Arizona carefully tiptoed over to Callie and quickly snatched the pillow from her before Callie tore it to shreds, "I'm pretty sure that it was Dr. Stevens' bed first" Arizona stated softly.

Callie flopped down onto the couch and shook her head in a complete loss, "it was their compromise...when Lexie wasn't ready to move out from Meredith's Mark agreed to move in here but they had to buy a new bed" Callie explained. "Mark and Lexie are the only ones who have slept in that bed and I know that you probably don't get me because I don't get me right now but…but Mark hasn't shared a bed with anyone else besides Lexie for nearly a year now and I'm not going wreck that" Callie cried.

She finally let out the tears she had been holding back for Mark's sake, her mind felt like it was running a million miles an hour that she didn't even know which way was up and which way was down.

Mark was her best friend; he was the one who had been there for her through everything. But now Callie felt like she was failing him, she felt completely and utterly useless and that thought only made her cry even harder.

Arizona wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulders and pulled her in closer towards her, "we'll sleep on the couch" Arizona agreed as she held on to Callie and waited for her to cry it all out.

************

**Pretty, please review :-) **


	10. Out From Under

************

**Out From Under**

It was getting late and Mark knew that Callie would come past any minute now to pick Gracie up but he wasn't ready to part with her. He felt torn between the two most important girls in his life, Lexie and Gracie.

He refused to leave Lexie's bedside in case she woke up but on the other hand he felt guilty for passing Gracie off to Callie and Arizona every night. It was a routine they had worked out and managed to pull off for the last three days, but nevertheless the guilt was still there.

So Mark tried to make up for it throughout the day from the second Callie would bring Gracie back to the hospital. Mark would feed her and change her before cradling her to sleep, he'd hold onto her tightly as if she was his life line…he refused to let her go no matter how sore his arms were.

He had even refused to except help from Carolyn who was just as stubborn and also refused to leave the hospital despite all of Mark and Derek's attempts to convince her to go home with Callie and Arizona.

While his mood had been picking up over the last three days, especially after Derek declared that Lexie was able to breath on her own, the waiting was killing Mark…patience wasn't one of his virtues.

But Mark kept telling himself that this was a good sign, a _great_ sign that Lexie was going to pull through. So he tried to keep the negative thoughts to a minimum, especially when Gracie was around because Carolyn had been right.

Despite only being 3 months old she was exceptionally aware of her surroundings, she knew that there was something wrong and that at night when Callie would lay her down in the crib Gracie knew that it wasn't her mother.

Looking down at Gracie he saw her stair up at him with a matching pair of blue eyes, sometimes when he looked into Gracie's eyes it was like looking into a mirror and that scared the crap out of Mark.

Completely mesmerised with his daughter Mark didn't even hear Derek enter the room, but he did hear the sounds of Carolyn calling out to him.

"Mark dear are you ok?" Carolyn asked; she looked over at Derek with a worried look.

Looking up Mark couldn't help but genuinely smile as his eyes meet with Meredith's, who was sitting in a wheelchair. It was at least some comfort in knowing that Meredith was awake and well, although he hadn't been in to see her since Meredith had regained consciousness 8 hours ago.

When she had woken up Callie was examining the dressings from the operation she had preformed on Lexie's legs and Mark didn't want to leave. Carolyn had gone instead and she reassured Mark that other than a few bumps and bruises Dr. Nelson had given Meredith the all clear.

Derek had been hesitant about bringing Meredith to see Lexie, he was worried that seeing her sister's condition would freak Meredith out but he eventually caved.

"You caved" Mark stated with a smirk on his face.

After pushing Meredith closer to Lexie's bed so she was only an arms reach away Derek held his hands up in self-defence, "what was I supposed to do she was wrestling with a nurse and then she threatened to drag herself across the floor to get here" Derek argued.

Shaking his head Mark looked down at Gracie; "and that sweetheart is why your Uncle Derek is the most whipped man you'll ever meet" Mark joked with a cheesy grin on his face.

"Hahaha" Derek laughed sarcastically at Mark before turning his attention to Gracie, "if you know your daddy's a big fat liar Gracie just don't say anything" Derek joked.

Derek knew it was silly because anything other than a coo or a squeal was beyond Gracie's comprehension. But it was nice to be able to joke with Mark after everything they were going through.

Apparently Gracie had adopted one of her father's 'talents' of perfect timing as Lexie referred to it when she let out an excited squeal.

"Whose side are you on anyway" Derek asked with a furrowed brow, pretending like he was scorned from a family betrayal.

Rolling her eyes at Mark and Derek's behaviour Carolyn made her way over to Mark. She wasn't the least bit surprised at how the two were behaving; they had done the same thing after Jacob had died.

"Will you two give it a rest, your both vying for the title of the most whipped man in Seattle Grace now give me my grandbaby" Carolyn ordered.

Not even waiting for Mark's permission Carolyn took Gracie, the baby smiled as soon as she was greeted with the sight of her grandmother. "Oh my little angel you have the most infectious smile in the world, yes you do, you have the exact same smile like your mother's" Carolyn chanted in a silly voice.

Stretching her tiny little hands out towards Carolyn's face Gracie let out an even more excited squeal. Watching the two of them Mark smiled at the sight before him, he knew that Carolyn was right.

Gracie did have her mother's smile and Mark knew that he was screwed; the he'd never be able to deny her anything. He knew that despite how much he teased Derek for being whipped he was just as bad…or probably worse because unlike his brother he had _2 _of them.

"Yeah and apparently she adopted her father's smartass attitude as well" Derek stated with a playful glare on his face.

"Derek stop being such an old fuss pot and come help me with Gracie, I think it's high time you were reminded how to change a diaper" Carolyn ordered.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Carolyn that Meredith hadn't said a word since they showed up or that her eyes were focused on Lexie's sleeping body. Carolyn could sense that Meredith needed some time alone with her sister, but more importantly that Meredith and Mark needed to talk.

"No I'm good" Derek rejected his mother's suggestion, completely missing Carolyn's subtle hint that it wasn't really an option.

"But Derek I insist" she stated with a tight smile on her face. Walking past Mark and Meredith Carolyn made her way over to Derek, "see even your niece wants you to change her diaper" Carolyn commented as Gracie let out a small squeal.

Grabbing Derek by the elbow Carolyn dragged him out of the room, "we might be awhile" she called out over her shoulder.

Mark had noticed how quiet Meredith had been and he couldn't blame her, there really wasn't much to say when somebody you loved was fighting for their life.

Crouching down beside her Mark took ahold of Meredith's hand and gave it a tight squeeze to try and get her attention away from Lexie.

Meredith smiled awkwardly at Mark as her eyes travelled up and down the length of Lexie's body, noting all the visible injuries she had sustained which were mainly on her face. Other than the deep purple bruises that were along Lexie's face it really just looked like she was sleeping and as if any second now she was about to wake up.

Meredith felt her eyes prickle at the sight of her sister. She was never one for crying but seeing her sister's condition and remembering the image from the car accident Meredith couldn't help it, she couldn't help but break down.

"How bad" Meredith asked with a hoarse voice, despite it being hours her throat was still raw from the intubation tube that had been pulled out.

The fear of how bad Lexie really was begun to consume Meredith, the surgeon inside of her began listing everything that could go wrong…every way she could lose her sister.

Mark swallowed the knot in his throat as he tried to pull himself together so he could answer Meredith's question without scaring her. He knew that neither Derek nor Dr. Nelson wanted Meredith getting worked up after everything that had happened, but Mark felt that he owed Meredith the truth.

She wasn't just Lexie's sister she was Gracie's aunt, she was the woman who had managed to get Mark to pull himself together before he completely destroyed things with Lexie and for that Meredith would always have his loyalty.

"I'm not going to lie to you Meredith" Mark wanted to reassure Meredith and he could see in her eyes that she believed him. "At first it was bad…really bad, but she's getting better, _stronger_ by the day so we just need to have faith that when she's ready Lexie will wake up ok" Mark stated while squeezing Meredith's hand.

"I didn't see the car" Meredith whispered with a far away look on her face, she kept replaying the accident over and over again in her head. Trying to figure out how all of this had happened and what she could have done to stop it.

"Meredith" Mark called out with a soothing voice; the last thing any of them wanted was for Meredith to start blaming herself.

Shaking her head Meredith finally let the tears escape, "I didn't see the car but I heard her scream and now that's all I can hear" Meredith cried.

"All I keep hearing in my head is the sound of Lexie screaming and I can't make it stop Mark, I can't make it stop" Meredith admitted, she began softly hitting her fist against her head as if it would drown out the sounds.

"Meredith stop it right now" Mark called out sternly, his hand immediately moving to grab ahold of Meredith's before she seriously hurt herself.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Meredith howled, breaking down she began crying uncontrollably.

Wrapping his arms around her shoulders Mark held Meredith as tightly as he could without hurting her injured ribs as he waited for Meredith to cry it all out. He wasn't sure if she had told Derek any of this or whether she had spoken to anyone else about the accident but Mark knew that it was going to take quite a bit for all of them to get past this.

"Meredith no one blames you for this, especially not Lexie" Mark spoke softly, still holding her tightly.

He was hoping to reassure Meredith that none of this was her fault because it wasn't; it was just a really bad accident.

"I was the one driving" Meredith argued, she had managed to calm down a little bit. "I should have been paying attention to the road Mark but…but I swear to you that, I wasn't trying to get us killed" Meredith swore frantically.

"_Meredith"_ Mark exclaimed, gently shaking her by the shoulders because she wasn't responding to the soft approach but it worked. "Meredith I will keep saying this until I am blue in the face, no one blames you for this accident or thinks that you were trying to get yourself killed ok".

Dropping her head down in shame Meredith nodded, she kept playing with her fingers because it was better then the alternative.

Meredith knew that she was being ridiculous but the image of Lexie in the car was burnt in to her memory and Meredith would always carry the guilt of that.

"She's the only family I have" Meredith whispered, finally looking up at Mark she took ahold of Lexie's hand and squeezed it tightly. "My mother never cared about me enough to stop working and my father just walked away…but Lexie didn't. Lexie refused to let me push her away and I know I didn't see it then but I realise now that, that her and Gracie they're…they're all I have, they're my family" Meredith confessed.

Shaking his head Mark placed his hand over Meredith's shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze, "that's not true Mer. You have Derek and you have me, I mean granted at first I thought you were completely wrong for Derek but you've grown on me…you've become the pesky little sister I just can't seem to get rid of" Mark joked with a smirk.

He let out a sigh of relief at seeing Meredith smile at his joke; it was some comfort knowing that Meredith hadn't completely crawled back into her shell.

"Mark could you do me a favour and get me a glass of water, my throat's all dry and sore from the intubation tube" Meredith requested.

"Meredith I don't think water's such a good idea, you had a collapsed lung and we should really make sure that your lung capacity…"

"Mark I already have enough doctors running around after me" Meredith interrupted him tiredly, the exhaustion was beginning to kick in. "So it would be really nice if you and Derek could stop tryin to be my doctors and just be my family" Meredith suggested pleadingly.

"One glass of water coming up" Mark declared as he left the room, he could see that Meredith wasn't up for a fight and neither was he.

Smiling proudly because she didn't think that the emotional guilt trip would actually work on Mark Meredith looked back at Lexie. Squeezing her sister's hand Meredith looked up, "I'll make you a deal Lex, you wake up and I promise you that I will be the big sister that I should have been from the start…the big sister that you really needed" Meredith bargained.

"Ok I know that we're supposed to keep our respectful distance but it is entirely unfair that Shepherd gets you all to himself" Izzie declared teasingly, she was completely unaware that she had interrupted something.

Shaking her head Meredith couldn't help but smile at her four friends, they were all sight for sore eyes and Meredith was grateful for them.

Cristina was being unusually quiet as she made her way over to Meredith, looking down at her person's bruised face she quickly bent over and hugged her as tightly as she could without actually hurting her.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked hesitantly, looking over at Izzie they shared a smile behind Cristina's back.

"What does it look like I'm doing, I'm hugging you" Cristina answered frankly while still hugging Meredith; she was trying to keep the sound of any emotion out of her voice.

"I know but you don't do hugging Cristina, we're not the type of people who hug" Meredith pointed out.

Pulling away from Meredith Cristina shrugged her shoulders; she really didn't want to make a bug deal out of it. "I make exceptions and this is one of those exceptions, but don't make me regret bending the rules for you Meredith Grey because I don't bend the rules for just anyone" Cristina warned.

"Okay" Meredith answered nodding her head, she knew what Cristina was really trying to say but couldn't bring herself to say.

Smiling proudly at how much Meredith and Cristina had grown over the last year or so she turned her attention to George and Alex.

"Ok you two can go" Izzie declared with a beaming smile.

"Go where?" Alex asked.

"Yeah why do we have to go anywhere, maybe we want to stay here with you guys" George argued nervously.

Smiling fondly at George Izzie shook her head, "that's sweet but you two need to leave now because Meredith needs a bit of girl time and you two aren't girls" Izzie answered.

"Cristina doesn't even know how to do girl" George muttered under his breath as Izzie dragged him out of the room.

"Hey I heard that Bambi" Cristina called out over her shoulder with a playful glare.

"Alex" Izzie whined like a little kid, coming back into the room.

"Ok, ok, I'm leaving" Alex relented with his hands up in surrender. "It's good to have you back with us Mer" Alex remarked before leaving the room.

"How is she?" Cristina asked Meredith, she had been trying to stay in the loop over Lexie's condition but Bailey made it hard.

"Mark says that she's doing better but I don't know; I mean how's Lexie supposed to get over nearly dying?" Meredith asked distractedly.

"She won't get over it" Cristina answered Meredith's question bluntly, "three will just have to learn to live with being all dark and twisty".

"Well thank you miss positivity" Izzie commented sarcastically, she gave Cristina a reproachful look.

Cristina rolled her eyes at Izzie, "I'm just saying that three isn't the same person she used to be. She isn't the same annoyingly sweet, wide eye kid that she was when she first started here. She toughened up; she learnt what it meant to be the best and worked her butt off doing it" Cristina argued.

"Oh my god" Izzie exclaimed, her mouth hanging open and pointing at Cristina.

"What is it Izz?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Cristina Yang likes Lexie" Izzie declared with a cheesy grin, "admit it Cristina you actually like Lexie….we'll of course you do, know it explains why you were so upset after she left" Izzie teased Cristina.

"I was not upset that three left, I was upset that I lost my advantage over the rest of you. I had the _best _Intern, the rest of you had nothing but a bunch of losers, I was upset because now I was one of you…I had nothing but losers, I lost my edge" Cristina tried to reason.

Turning her attention to Meredith Izzie shook her head, "the lady doth protest too much, methinks" she teased Cristina with a wicked smile on her face.

Shaking her head Meredith couldn't help but laugh, she was grateful to have Izzie and Cristina by her side. "You two aren't supposed to be making me laugh, I'm hurt" Meredith pouted, gently cradling her broken ribs.

"All I'm saying is that life happens, things happen that are beyond our control...we're not the people that we once used to be, and we're all jaded" Cristina argued. She hated it when people accused her of being things that she really wasn't.

"Cristina" Meredith called out but Cristina wasn't listening.

"I mean you can't tell me that you're the same person you were before the cancer or that Bambi's still the same after being hit by a bus because you're not…the two of the you aren't the same people you once were and neither will Lexie when she wakes up" Cristina exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

Meredith and Izzie looked at each other awkwardly; neither of them knew what to say to Cristina's outburst. They had never been more grateful for Mark's timing then they were right then as he walked back into the room with a glass of water and a straw.

"Here's your water Meredith" Mark stated handing Meredith the glass of water, "but remember little sips" he ordered.

"Remember our little talk about doctors and family" Meredith repeated before taking a sip of water.

The awkward silence between the three women didn't go unnoticed by Mark; he could tell that he had just walked in on a conversation.

Izzie looked around the room trying to think of something to say to try and lighten the mood in the room; Izzie wasn't one for uncomfortable silence so she blurted out the first thing that came to her head.

"So Sloan when do you plan on making an honest woman out of Lexie" Izzie teased with a cheeky grin.

"Izzie" Meredith gasped; completely mortified that Izzie would ask her sister's boyfriend that question.

"What?" Izzie asked nonchalantly, "it's not like Derek's here to kill us" she argued.

"What does Derek have to do this?" Mark asked while trying to skip the first half of that conversation. He really didn't want to get into a discussion about marrying Lexie with Izzie or Cristina.

Cristina rolled her eyes in boredom; she had lost count of how many times she had heard this conversation. "Mer and Izz have been wanting to question you about your intentions since you and three got back together by McDreamy's been threatening them to keep their mouths shut" Cristina explained with a smirk.

"Yeah well Derek's not here so he can't do a thing about it" Izzie retorted, sticking her tongue out at Cristina.

Cristina scoffed, "Sloan I'd be careful how you answer this question or by the time three wakes up Izzie will have the guest list made up and the church booked" Cristina teased.

Mark shook his head as he watched Izzie and Cristina carry on like two year olds, he knew that if he got involved then he'd have to play ref and he didn't feel like doing that.

But he couldn't help smiling faintly as he pictured an older Gracie in his head fighting with a younger brother or sister.

Then considering Izzie's question his mind began to wonder what would happen when Lexie woke up. He stopped questioning the possibility of it and held onto the belief that she would wake up, but then what?

Mark knew that marriage was definitely something he wanted, if he hadn't been sure about that before then he definitely was now. But then the doubt begun to creep in, the doubt that marriage and more kids wasn't really something that Lexie would want.

"We're waiting" Izzie chanted with a cheeky smile on her face.

Mark was frustrated with not knowing the answer to that question…in not knowing what Lexie wants from him and now it was eating away at him.

"You two out now" Mark growled with a glaring look on his face and pointing towards the door. He couldn't ask Lexie right now so he's only option was to take it out on Izzie and Cristina.

"But we were…" Izzie begun to argue but the look on Mark's face immediately shut her up.

"_Out_" Mark barked.

"Come one barbie" Cristina sighed pulling Izzie out of the room, "you just had to piss him off didn't you" Cristina muttered under breath.

"You didn't answer Izzie's question" Meredith pointed out with a smirk on her face.

"Seriously" Mark asked with a stern look on his face. "You seriously want to talk about _my intentions_" Mark asked making air quotes with his fingers, "when your sister is lying in a hospital bed after being in a car accident".

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I'm not asking you about your intentions Mark; I already know what your intentions are. All I'm saying is if you're too chicken to admit it to yourself then how are you going to ever tell Lexie" Meredith reasoned.

Mark sighed in defeat, he knew she was right and besides Meredith was her sister so technically Mark was talking to family.

"There's a ring" Mark declared while keeping his eyes glued to the floor, he really couldn't bring himself to see the look on Meredith's face.

Meredith spat out the sip of water she had just taken, "what" she coughed in complete shock.

"There's a ring" Mark repeated bashfully, but this time he looked Meredith in the eyes. There was no judging or ridicule, she was completely straight faced…Mark would even go so far as to say she was trying to hide a smile.

"A ring" Meredith repeated seriously, she didn't want to scare Mark off.

Leaning forward Mark scrubbed his face, "it's been sitting in my locker for the last four weeks" Mark admitted in frustration. He hated the fact that he was spilling his guts out to Meredith but more importantly he hated the fact that he felt like he had something to be ashamed of.

"So are you planning on giving her this ring anytime soon?" Meredith asked; this conversation was making her more and more grateful for being alive.

"I was going to wait until, until Gracie's first birthday" Mark revealed, "I thought that it would give Lexie enough time realise that I was serious about marrying her…that I wasn't just asking because of Gracie. I also thought that it would be a nice birthday present for Gracie, you know to have her parents together…to be a real family".

Meredith smiled endearingly at Mark, "Mark there doesn't need to be a legal piece of paper to make you a family. Gracie will always know that you love her mom no matter what".

"Careful Big Grey it almost sounds like you're trying to talk me out of it" Mark warned with a teasing smile.

"Well I want Lexie to keep her options open, we Grey's don't just let anyone become a member of the family" Meredith teased, deciding to go along with Mark's light humour.

"No apparently you have to be all dark and twisty" Mark teased back, he sighed in relief at seeing the genuine smile on Meredith's face.

"Mark seriously Lexie would be crazy to say no to you" Meredith tried to reassure Mark.

Mark opened his mouth to speak was cut off by the moaning sound coming from Lexie's bed; he immediately jumped up from his seat.

"Mark" Lexie moaned in a daze, she had absolutely no idea where she was or what had happened. All Lexie knew was that she could barely open her eyes and her head felt like it was about to split in half.

"Hey sweetheart I'm right here" Mark reassured Lexie, holing onto her hand tightly. Part of him was terrified that he was dreaming again and that any minute now he was going to wake up.

"I'll go get Dr. Bailey" Cristina told Mark before leaving the room.

With his eyes looked on Lexie Mark nodded his head but he didn't have a clue how Cristina got into the room so fast.

"Ok you two out" Dr. Bailey ordered as she charged into the room and made her way over to Lexie.

"I'm not going anywhere" Mark refuted, his hand still clutching Lexie's tightly.

"Mark" Lexie moaned again, she could hear the sound of voices but she couldn't really make out what they were saying.

"I'm here Lexie, I'm right here Lex" Mark promised, brushing the hair away from the side of her face with his free hand.

Pulling on Mark's arm Derek tried to reason with him, "Mark you need to leave the room. You can't be here right now but I promise you I'll call you in here the second we're done".

"Mark" Lexie moaned again, her eyes were still closed and the voices around her didn't sound as clear as she knew they should have.

"Mark I'll take care of her" Derek promised, this time pulling on his arm more assertively.

Mark didn't know where all these people were coming from and frankly he didn't care, all he cared about was the fact that Lexie was awake and she was asking for him.

Leaning forward Mark kissed her gently on the forehead. "I promise I'll be right back but for now Dr. Bailey and Derek need to make sure that your okay, I'll be back before you even know it" Mark promised Lexie, he wasn't even sure she could hear him properly but he didn't care because she was awake.

Mark's legs took him outside of the room while his mind was still trying to reel with what was happening. Looking around he was greeted by the sight of Alex, Izzie, and George all gathered around Meredith who had been pushed out of the room by Derek.

Whipping his head around he looked up and down around the corridor Mark frantically searched for Carolyn and Gracie but he couldn't see them. "Have you seen mom?" Mark asked Meredith, he wanted to make sure that Gracie was here when Lexie fully came around.

"I think Derek had left her with Gracie in the Attending's lounge when he got paged" Izzie answered with a smile, she was so happy for Mark.

Just as Mark was about to ask Alex to got get Carolyn, because he didn't want leave in case he was needed, he was interrupted by the sound of his name being called out.

Turning on his heel he spotted Callie running down the hallway with Carolyn and Gracie not far behind.

"What's wrong, what's going on Mark?" Callie asked in a panic as fear began to consume. She had been on her way to pick Gracie up when she caught up with Carolyn, she had planned to let Mark know they were heading off when she spotted everyone including Mark gathered outside of Lexie's room.

Mark couldn't help but break out into a huge cheesy grin as he shook his head. He felt like all his Christmases had come at once, as though everything he had ever wanted or needed was waiting for him right inside that room.

Mark knew it was ridiculous but all he felt like doing was shouting it off of the roof tops but he did the next best thing. "She's awake" Mark declared, grabbing Callie by the arms.

"She's awake" Callie repeated hesitantly, her mind trying to decipher what Mark was talking about. Her mouth dropped open as soon as she was able to connect the dots, "oh my god she's awake, she's awake" Callie squealed.

"She's awake" Mark and Callie both exclaimed at the same time, jumping up and down for joy like two year olds while holding hands.

Relief flooded through Carolyn's body as she watched Mark and Callie jump up and down, she was grateful that Lexie would be alright. That Mark wouldn't ever have to go through what she did.

"Mom" Mark called out, finally spotting her off to the side cradling Gracie in her arms. Making his way over to Carolyn he gently stroked Gracie's cheek, "she's awake" Mark whispered with a blissful smile.

"I know sweetheart, I know" Carolyn answered, cupping his cheek in her hand she kissed him softly on the cheek. "I hate to say I told you so but…"

"I told you so" Mark and Carolyn both said at the same time, smiling at each other like a mother and son they both laughed.

"Mark" Meredith called out as Derek and Dr. Bailey came walking out of the room.

Mark ran over to them with Carolyn and Gracie right behind him, "how is she, does she know what happened, can I see her?" Mark started throwing a barrel of questions at Derek and Bailey.

Dr. Bailey held her hand up to stop Mark from talking any further, "why don't you come inside with us and Derek and I can explain everything to you and Lexie together" Dr. Bailey suggested. She knew how much Mark would want to be there and she hated having to repeat herself.

Taking Gracie from Carolyn Mark didn't need to be told twice as he made his way into the room. His heart skipped a beat seeing Lexie sitting up in bed; her eyes wide open…those big brown eyes he wasn't sure he'd ever see again.

"Lexie" Mark called out softly as he made his way over to her, Gracie stirred in his arms.

"Mark" Lexie cried at seeing Mark and Gracie make there way over to her, she had been sure that she'd never see either of them again.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Mark reached out to cup her left cheek in his hand, leaning forward he kissed her gently, putting all his heart and soul and everything he was feeling in to it. Drinking in the feeling of Lexie's skin Mark wondered how he could have ever even contemplated a world where she would leave him alone.

"Watch the baby" Dr. Bailey scolded the two of them, trying to act all tough while pointing at Gracie who was wedge between her mother and father.

Reluctantly breaking apart Mark looked down at Gracie and saw a big toothless grin on her face, the biggest smile Mark had seen since this whole ordeal had happened.

"How is she?" Mark asked Derek, he was giving the man he considered his brother a look that was pleading with him to be honest.

"She's fine" Derek jumped in but looking at the bruising on Lexie's face he corrected himself, "ok not fine…but she's getting there".

"Now Lexie you suffered some serious injuries" Dr. Bailey began to explain to her, "there was a lot of internal bleeding and as a result we had to remove your spleen…"

"And my legs" Lexie asked, she really didn't care about anything else but her legs. Her legs were what were important as far as she was concerned because she needed to know that she'd walk again, that she'd be able to be a doctor and to run around after Gracie.

"I'm sure Dr. Torres would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have, but from what we understand the breaks in your legs weren't as bad as we suspected" Dr. Bailey explained.

"Dr. Torres and I were able to fix the shattered bones in your right tibia and the patella…and I know you're going to hate hearing this but you will require a lot of physical therapy" Derek warned Lexie.

"But after the physical therapy I'll be good as new right?" Lexie asked impatiently.

"Right" Derek confirmed with a confident smile, it had been the same question he had asked Callie several times through out the surgery and Callie had consistently answered yes.

"Also when you were brought in you were suffering from cardiac tamponade but Dr. Hahn managed to relieve the pericardium of all the blood and repair the tear" Derek went on to say.

"What about my head?" Lexie asked, rubbing her temple because her head felt as if it was about to explode.

"You had some bleeding near the parietal lobe of your brain, it was a bigger bleed then I first expected but we managed to stop it. From here it looks like there's no residual side affects but I'd like to perform another CT and MRI just to be sure" Derek answered as professionally as he could.

Slowly nodding her head Lexie tried to take it all in, the extent of her injuries were serious and while the reality of how close she came to dying wasn't lost on her Lexie was still trying to piece it all together.

"Uh we managed to stop all the internal bleeding and the good news is that there aren't any signs to indicate that we missed a bleed" Dr. Bailey tried to encourage Lexie.

"Lexie is there anything you want to ask or anything you need to tell us?" Derek asked.

"My hearing" Lexie stated hesitantly, "before when I was coming around I was having trouble hearing things in my right ear" Lexie admitted.

Derek nodded his head, "when you were brought in there was some bleeding in your ear so the loss of hearing is to be expected. It should come back in the next few days but we'll still keep a close eye on it".

"Well if that's all then we're going to leave you two…uh I mean _three _alone for now" Dr. Bailey declared, leaving the room to handle the mob that was waiting outside.

"Lexie I can't tell you how glad I am that you're awake, but I swear to god if you and Meredith _ever _do something like this again you're going to have to deal with our mother" Derek threatened with a playful smile.

"Your mother" Lexie questioned Mark as Derek left the room.

"Bailey called mom, she was convinced that Derek and I were about to fall apart at the seems without her" Mark answered running his fingers through her air.

"Can I hold her?" Lexie asked with a shaky voice, holding her hands out towards Gracie.

Mark shook his head, trying hard not smile at Lexie. "You _never _have to ask to hold your daughter" Mark told Lexie as he gently shifted Gracie into her arms.

"Are you ok?" Mark asked cautiously, worried that Gracie's weight might be too much for Lexie.

Nodding her head Lexie brought Gracie closer towards her so she could smell her daughter's head; her nostrils were hit with the smell of baby lavender shampoo.

Kissing Gracie on the forehead the little girl reached out and grabbed a fist full of Lexie's hair, gently tugging on it Gracie squealed in delight at seeing her mother because to her it seemed like an eternity since she had last seen Lexie.

Lexie finally broke, as the images of the car coming towards them and the sound of Meredith's voice flooded her mind Lexie finally broke. Tears of pain were sliding down her cheeks while being mixed with tears of joy; she really didn't think she'd ever get to do this again.

"Lexie" Mark called out softly, wiping the tears away from her cheeks before they hit Gracie.

"I, I didn't think that I'd ever get to do this again" she admitted, "I didn't think that I'd ever get to see you again or hear your voice…I was, I was pretty sure that I'd die out there" Lexie explained through her tears.

"You are not going anywhere do you understand me" Mark told Lexie, "you are stuck with me and Gracie until you're old and grey so you better just forget about this dying crap ok" Mark ordered.

"Ok" Lexie agreed, finally looking Mark in the eyes. She could see the fear and the vulnerability in them and it nearly took her breath away, sometimes she still couldn't believe that he'd chosen her.

"I love you Lexie, and I never, ever want to have to even_ think_ about not having you in my life. I meant what I said, this is it for me…you and Gracie, you're my family and if I ever lost you…" Mark trailed. His emotions were getting the better of him and he was struggling to say what he needed say.

"I know Mark, I know" Lexie reassured him, "and I promise you that as long as the choice is mine to make I am not going anywhere" Lexie promised Mark.

"You're stuck with me Lexie Grey so you better get used to it" Mark warned her.

"Till death do us part huh" Lexie answered with a cheeky smile on her face, she knew it was probably a bad joke but right now she just needed to see Mark smile.

Shaking his head at Lexie's bad taste in jokes Mark smiled at Lexie, "till death do us part" Mark repeated.

Gracie gurgled and squealed at the sound of Mark and Lexie's voice, she didn't understand what they were saying but she didn't care, all she cared about was the fact that she could hear the soothing sounds of her mother's voice again.

"Well Gracie seems to agree with that" Mark teased, leaning in he kissed Gracie gently on the forehead before looking up and capturing Lexie's lips with his own.

If this taught Mark anything it was to be grateful for each and every kiss he would get to share with Lexie from now on.

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**Sorry this has taken so long but I am so completely swamped with uni work that it's not funny, but the good news is that I have 5 weeks till holidays and then I will have complete freedom, yay. **

**So pretty, please do me a favour and help make my next five weeks a bit more bearable, press the review button :-) **


	11. I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watchin’ m

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**I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' me**

Sticking her head into the room Meredith scanned the area, "is he gone?" she asked pleadingly.

Nodding her head she smiled warmly at her sister, "the coast is clear" Lexie reassured Meredith.

"Oh thank god" Meredith sighed in relief as she made her way into the bedroom slowly, trying to be extra careful not to pull any of her stitches or Derek was going to kill her.

Lexie chuckled softly at Meredith because she understood exactly how her sister felt. Between Mark, Derek and Carolyn both women felt like they were a stone throw away from the loony bin.

Lexie knew that Mark couldn't help it, she knew that he _needed _to hover because despite it being eight weeks since the accident Mark still had this fear that Lexie would suddenly disappear.

After six weeks of intensive physio sessions both Callie and her physio therapist had agreed that Lexie could finally go home and that was like music to her ears.

Despite not being 100% she didn't care, all Lexie cared about was that she could go home. That she didn't have to spend every single day couped up inside a hospital room…and she got to spend as much time as she could with Gracie.

Meredith had already been home for the last three weeks when Lexie had finally been released and Carolyn had refused to go back to New York until Lexie was back on her feet again.

Despite all their protests, and the guilt that both Meredith and Lexie felt over keeping Carolyn away from the rest of her family, the head of the Shepherd family refused to budge.

Carolyn made it pretty clear that she wasn't going anywhere and she used logic to get her way. Carolyn reminded the four of them that there wasn't any way Mark and Derek could look after the girls _and _Gracieat the same time.

Finally giving in Mark and Derek set Carolyn up in Alex and Izzie's room since they graciously volunteered to sleep in the attic until Carolyn left.

As much as they loved Mark and Derek the men were driving the two sisters crazy, it felt like their every move was being watched…even every _breath _they took.

"I can't take this anymore" Meredith cried in exhaustion, between trying to recover from the accident and Derek hovering over her every move she was going to go insane.

"I know what you mean, Carolyn literally had to drag Mark out the door this morning" Lexie informed her sister with a giggle.

It was funny to Lexie because she had never seen a grown man so scared of a woman before…well except for the Chief and Bailey that is.

Today was Mark and Derek's fist day back at work and despite how much the men were dreading it Meredith and Lexie couldn't wait.

"Can we kick'em out?" Meredith asked hopefully with a wide smile, part of her was joking but a part of her wasn't.

"Ouch" Lexie cried out through her giggling, "Mer please don't make me laugh because it still hurts" she warned Meredith while cradling the left side of her stomach.

Lexie still hadn't fully recovered from all her injuries and it was quickly starting to get the better of her. It was frustrating to watch Carolyn take care of her daughter…as grateful as she was for everything that Mrs. Shepherd had done it was eating away at Lexie.

She hated the fact that she couldn't do the simple things like give her daughter a bath or put her to bed, the only thing Lexie could really do was hold and feed Gracie.

Things also seemed to be taking its toll on Mark; being split between helping Lexie and trying to take care of their daughter was physically beginning to take its toll on Mark.

"Well I'm glad you find this so funny Lexie but I don't, if Derek keeps tracking my every move the next time he steps foot inside the hospital he'll be going in as a patient" Meredith grumbled.

"Look at it from his point of view" Lexie tried to reason with Meredith, she knew exactly how Meredith felt but they also had to look at things from the men's perspective.

"Can I get you anything to eat or drink girls?" Carolyn interrupted them; she had that motherly smile on her face that made it hard to stay mad at.

"No thank you" Lexie and Meredith answered at the same time; they smiled at each other because it seemed to be something they did more often.

While neither of them liked talking about the accident there was one positive thing to come out of it and that was their relationship. Lexie and Meredith's relationship was stronger than it had ever been because they were sisters…sisters who had survived something so horrible but refused to let it control them.

Meredith stuck to her promise, she was more of the big sister that Lexie had always wanted her to be since they first met and Mark…well Mark was now the annoying big brother Meredith would repeatedly tell to go away but deep down hoped he never would.

And on cue the three of them heard the crying sounds of Gracie waking up for her lunch time feed, Lexie smiled at the sound because there was a time when she wasn't sure she'd ever hear her daughter again.

"I'll go get the little munchkin her bottle and bring it to you" Carolyn stated before leaving the room.

"So what do we do about the boys?" Meredith asked.

Lexie rolled her eyes, "I don't know why you're complaining; at least you get to actually move around the house. You're not confined to this stupid bed because of your stupid legs" she hissed bitterly.

"Hey it won't be long" Meredith argued with a reassuring smile but she could see that Lexie didn't believe her.

"Yeah and all it's going to take is for these stupid legs to heal" Lexie scoffed.

Meredith reached out and grabbed Lexie's wrist so she'd stop pounding her thigh before she caused any more bruises.

"Hey you're stronger this…we're stronger than this ok, and we're going to get through this because, because we're Grey's. And if we can survive crappy parents and dead parents and, and crappy siblings and ex-wives then we can survive this" Meredith declared confidently.

Shaking her head Lexie smiled feebly at Meredith, "you know you suck at pep talks" she commented.

Meredith shrugged her shoulders, "I'm a Grey and Grey's are dark and twisty people" she stated with a cunning smile.

"I thought us Grey's were tough and strong minded" Lexie shot back.

"We are" Meredith agreed, "but we're also very indecisive people…we change our minds a lot, we like to over analyse everything to death before we finally make up our minds" she teased while making fun of all the drama that had gone on with Derek at the beginning of their relationship.

Lexie and Meredith looked at each other and began laughing hysterically despite the pain; it felt good to laugh because lately they hadn't had a lot to laugh about.

"Well it sounds like someone's happy" Carolyn commented as she walked into Mark and Lexie's room holding a bottle and went to pick Gracie up from her crib.

Sharing a knowing smile the women laughed one more time before Lexie took her daughter and started feeding Gracie. "We were just talking" Lexie answered vaguely while trying not to laugh because Gracie hated being disturbed during her feed.

"She really is her father's daughter" Meredith teased as she watched her niece suck down the bottle of milk faster than Lexie could get it in her mouth.

"Speaking of fathers, if you two are okay on your own for a little bit I'm going to pop out and do some grocery shopping" Carolyn declared.

Meredith frowned at her mother-in-law, "you did grocery shopping two days ago" she pointed out. While Meredith had been uncomfortable with having Carolyn around all the time she quickly learnt to adapt, she quickly got used to the idea of having a mother.

Laughing at Meredith's confusion Carolyn shook her head, "my dear when you have three grown men living in one house food doesn't last long" she joked.

"Alex is getting a bit soft around the sides" Lexie added with her eyes glued on Gracie, trying to hide her smile from Meredith and Carolyn.

"Ooh I'm telling Izzie you said that" Meredith threatened her with a wicked smile.

"Well I'm off, if you girls need anything you have my cell number" Carolyn reminded them before leaving.

Laughing at Carolyn and her sister Meredith looked down at Gracie, "you don't think Derek's getting a bit pudgy do you?" she asked with a half smile.

Shaking her head Lexie giggled, "Mer what did I say about jokes and making me laugh" Lexie reminded her.

"Who's joking, ever since Carolyn got here Derek's head is always stuck in the fridge" Meredith stated while pretending to be serious.

Kicking her legs Gracie smiled at her mom and aunt when Lexie pulled the bottle away so she could wipe the dribbled milk off her face.

"You'll just have to put him on a strict diet when Carolyn finally leaves" Lexie suggested as she quickly put the bottle back in Gracie's mouth.

"Are you making fun of my cooking skills" Meredith asked with a playful glare on her face.

"Mer that would require you actually _having _cooking skills to begin with" Lexie teased back with a matching smile.

"Hey you don't get to make fun of me, just because your man can eat an entire fridge and still look the way he does doesn't mean you get to tease my McDreamy" Meredith grumbled playfully.

"Well that just goes to show which Grey has the better taste in men" Lexie muttered loud enough for Meredith to hear.

Meredith was about to make a snark come back when Cristina suddenly walked into the room dejectedly and shut the door.

"Cristina" Meredith called out softly so she wouldn't scare Gracie.

With her back pressed up against the door Cristina shook her head while she tried to pull herself together.

"Cristina" Meredith cried out again only this time more forcefully.

Lexie frowned at her former Resident; she was starting to get worried about the woman because Cristina had this weird look on her face that Lexie had never seen before.

With her eyes closed Cristina's face was all scrunched up, it looked like a cross between a scream and a cry.

"What's wrong with her?" Lexie whispered to Meredith while keeping one eye on Cristina.

Meredith shook her head with a worried look, in the three years she had known Cristina she had never seen her person like this.

"Cristina talk to me" Meredith demanded as Cristina shook her head in refusal, covering her face with her hands Cristina finally let out small sobs.

"Cristina" Meredith called out again, she reached over to Mark's bedside table and picked up the stuffed teddy bear that Derek had bought for Gracie and threw it at Cristina.

"Hey don't use my baby's toys as a weapon" Lexie chided Meredith but she could see they had bigger problems then a teddy bear.

Sitting down on the rocking chair seated beside the crib Cristina burst out into a full blown cry, gasping for air in between cries.

"What happened?" Meredith asked, this time tossing Cristina a box of tissues because she didn't know how to handle a crying Cristina. "Talk to me, tell me what happened" she ordered pleadingly.

"He died" Cristina cried out, finally showing her face with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Who died Cristina?" Lexie asked in fear that this all some how had something to do with Owen.

"He died…he, he was lying there on the table one minute and the next he was dead and she never got to say goodbye, she never got say goodbye to her best friend" Cristina cried.

"Should we be worried about her?" Lexie whispered while rocking Gracie who was beginning to stir from all the noise.

"But that's how it works doesn't it" Cristina stated as she wiped her eyes, "one minute you're here holding a scalpel and the next your hit by a bus or another car runs through a red light…"

"Cristina" Meredith cut her off in protest but stopped because she didn't know what to say.

"That could have you been…her person died today and all he had was a scratch, a freakin' scratch on his head but he died and you didn't" Cristina exclaimed in a complete loss.

"Cristina its ok" Meredith tried to reassure her person because she was starting to understand what this was all about.

"No, it's _not _ok because you could have died; you could have been the one who died or three could have died" Cristina argued with more control, "and then what would have happened huh?" she questioned the two sisters.

"You're my person Meredith…you're my _family_ and you nearly died, the both of you nearly died" Cristina repeated.

Taking a deep breath she shook her head because she didn't knew what else to do, Cristina had been able to push her feelings aside the whole time and it was easy because it's what she did best.

But the accident…watching her patient die and watching that woman lose her best friend made something snap inside of Cristina. She couldn't breathe properly and all she kept thinking was that could have been Meredith or Lexie.

"Ever since Burke left you're all I have, you and surgery are the only things I have Meredith. And if, if something happened to you…to my, I just, I don't know what" Cristina finished off at a loss.

Looking at Lexie and Gracie for a second Meredith nodded her head because she understood exactly how Cristina felt.

"Come over here" Meredith ordered, patting the empty space beside her.

Cristina eyed the king size bed that was in front of her and shook her head, she refused to look like some weak, pathetic person to the woman that had once been her student. But Cristina was tired of fighting; she was tired of trying to act like the tough guy who had no feelings.

Sniffling to try and free herself from all the tears Cristina crawled into bed with Meredith and Lexie. Wrapping her arms around Meredith and resting her head on her shoulder she watched Lexie and Gracie without saying a word.

Silently Meredith grabbed the remote control that was lying between her and Lexie and turned on the old black and white film her sister had been watching.

In complete silence the three of them laid in Mark and Lexie's bed watching the film in a peaceful silence, the only other sound that could be heard was of Gracie breathing as she fell asleep.

Quarter of the way into the film Lexie was distracted when out of the corner of her eye she saw the bedroom door open up, intuition telling her that it was Mark.

Standing in the door way Mark took in the scene in front of him and was surprised to see the three women curled up in bed together. What surprised Mark the most was seeing Cristina asleep on his side of the bed with her arms wrapped firmly around Meredith.

"Why are you three in bed together?" Mark asked in complete exhaustion; he really didn't have the time or energy for any of it.

His first day back at work had been really crappy and all he wanted to do was go home and go straight to bed. Mark had spent the whole day worrying about Lexie and Gracie that his head wasn't really in the game today.

"Mark" Meredith announced in surprise with a whisper so she wouldn't wake Cristina, somewhere between the beginning and the middle of the film her and Cristina had both fallen asleep.

Stirring in her sleep Cristina stretched her arms out and looked over at Mark; too embarrassed to look him in the eye she turned her attention to Lexie.

"Where's the dribbler?" she questioned Lexie with a smirk, despite protesting that she didn't do babies Sloan's baby seemed to be growing on her.

"Carolyn came in about twenty minutes ago and put her down in the crib" Lexie answered, nudging her head towards the side of the room.

"Does one of you want to answer my question, why are you three in bed together?" Mark asked again only this time with a little less patience.

"Uhh um, I umm" Cristina struggled to answer because she really didn't want anyone else to know about her little meltdown.

"It's my fault" Lexie jumped in with an embarrassed smile despite knowing that Mark would freak, "Carolyn was out shopping and I was having a really bad day so I started crying my head off and Mer…Meredith didn't know what to do so she called Cristina".

Cristina turned to look at Lexie in shock because she hadn't been expecting the younger Grey to do that.

"Isn't that right Cristina?" Lexie asked her, hoping that Cristina would go along.

"Uh yeah, uh three needed me" Cristina agreed in a bit of daze, she was quickly beginning to learn that Lexie wasn't as bad as Cristina thought she was.

Mark's eye immediately flew to Lexie, studying every feature on her face Mark frowned because he knew she hadn't been crying. He knew everything about Lexie, including the tell-tale signs that she was crying and none of them were there.

"I'm fine" Lexie reassured him thinking that Mark had believed her and that he'd stop asking questions.

Mark didn't understand what was going on but he reluctantly decided to leave it alone and go with their story, "well I'm gonna go let Derek know where big Grey is and Yang I want you out of my bed by the time I get back" he growled before leaving the room.

"Sloan has the nicest bedside manners" Cristina commented sarcastically.

"You know you just set yourself up for a barrage of questions and more hovering" Meredith warned Lexie.

"I know" she answered flatly, she knew that it wouldn't be any different to the last _eight_ weeks of hovering.

"Thanks Lexie" Cristina muttered so softly that Meredith and Lexie nearly missed it.

Knowing that Cristina would get really annoyed if she made a big deal about her actually saying thank you Lexie decided to just nod her head and smile at Cristina.

"So this is where you've been hiding" Derek remarked with a smile, standing in the doorway beside Mark he found it comforting to see Meredith and Cristina in bed together because it meant things were going back to the way they were.

Rolling her eyes at her husband's childishness Meredith tapped Cristina's leg to get her to move.

Sighing for dramatics Cristina threw the covers off and slowly pulled herself out of bed before helping Meredith up.

"So how was your first day home alone?" Derek asked Meredith and Lexie hesitantly. He had spent the whole day worried that looking after Meredith, Lexie and a baby would be too much for him mom.

"Like heaven on earth" Meredith answered with a beaming smile, looking over her shoulder at Lexie she giggled at the frown on Mark and Derek's faces.

"I don't know when we're supposed to lie to them and when we're supposed to tell the truth, I wish they'd make up their minds because they're very confusing men" Meredith joked in making fun of their disappointed faces.

"What did I tell you and Cristina about making jokes" Lexie giggled in pain, holding on to her left side again.

"Ok that's it everyone _out now_" Mark growled loud enough to get his frustration out but not to wake Gracie.

"Come on Cristina you can sleep with me" Meredith declared slowly pulling Cristina along with her.

Derek stood in the doorway stunned as Meredith and Cristina made their way across the hall.

"She was in Sloan's bed" Derek finally cried out, "why couldn't you just leave her in Mark's bed…from where I was standing Yang looked pretty comfortable to me" Derek pouted playfully while following his wife.

Shaking his head with a smirk Mark closed the door and went to check on Gracie who was still sound asleep, out of the corner of his eye he noticed the chocolate brown teddy bear sitting on its head up against the wall.

Picking up the bear Mark waved it in the air, "what's the bear doing on the floor?" he questioned Lexie with a raised eyebrow.

Trying to hide a smile Lexie turned her attention back to the TV, "wasn't it always there?" she asked.

Mark looked at Lexie pointedly because he knew that she was playing dumb, "no it was sitting on the bedside table and you know that Lex" he remarked.

"It might have been used as a projectile weapon" Lexie muttered softly but it was loud enough for Mark to hear.

Taking a second to absorb that piece of information Mark shook his head, "you know what on second thoughts I really don't want to know what you three were doing in this room".

Seeing the exhausted look on Mark's face Lexie smiled adoringly and patted his side of the bed, "come over here and tell me about your day" she ordered.

Stretching out on the bed beside her Mark kicked his shoes off before wrapping an arm comfortingly around her, "you don't want to hear about my day" he insisted.

Lexie smiled and snuggled up closer against Mark, laying her head on his chest she listened to the comforting sound of his heartbeat. "I'm stuck in bed all the time with nothing else to do but watch TV, I _need _to hear about your surgery…was there lots of blood?" she asked excitedly.

Mark chuckled, "how was Gracie today?"

"Don't try to change the subject mister" Lexie stated poking Mark in the chest, "now tell me about your surgery".

He sighed because he knew there was no way out of it, "he died" Mark declared sombrely. "He went into cardiopulmonary arrest before we even got him into the O.R."

"I'm sorry" Lexie whispered sadly, even though Mark never showed it Lexie knew how hard he took it whenever a patient died.

Hugging her gently and kissing her on the head Mark shook it off; he really didn't want to be worrying about a patient that died when he had bigger things to worry about.

"How are you feeling, do you want me to get you anything, are you hungry…" Mark asked in a barrage of questions, completely oblivious to Lexie's frustration.

Pulling herself up Lexie shifted away from Mark, with her arms crossed she was trying really hard not yell. "Can you _stop_" Lexie hissed, she really was reaching the end of her rope.

"What…what's wrong?" Mark asked in confusion.

"What's wrong" Lexie repeated the question in disbelief, "what's wrong is that your patient died. It was your first day back at work in over _two months_ and the patient died…"

"It happens Lex; we can't save every patient that comes through the ER" Mark argued.

"Exactly Mark, we can't save every patient that comes through those doors. But I'm not one of those patients…I didn't die" she exclaimed.

Just as Mark opened his mouth to ask Lexie what was going on with her he was cut off by the crying sounds coming from Gracie. Not wasting any time Mark climbed out of bed and picked the baby up, "what do you have to do with my patient?" he questioned with a furrowed brow.

Not wanting to answer his questions right now Lexie held her hands to indicate to Mark that she wanted Gracie. "Meredith's alive, I'm alive…Mark we're alive" she spoke softly while looking into Gracie's big blue eyes.

"Ok you're alive" Mark repeated warily as he gently sat down on the bed, he smiled affectionately at the sight of Lexie holding their daughter.

"So you and Derek need to stop acting like we're not, you and Derek need to stop acting like either one of us is about to drop dead at any second" Lexie argued.

"Lex…" Mark trailed in protest; he really didn't know what to say that.

"Mark I get that what you went through was terrifying, believe me I understand. But what you have to understand is that I can't do this anymore…"

"Do what?" Mark asked in a hoarse voice because he was terrified of the answer.

"This is" Lexie yelled loud enough without scaring Gracie, "I can't spend every day stuck in a stupid bed because my stupid legs are taking forever to heal and have you hovering over me. I can't take you treating me like some fragile piece of furniture that's about to shatter into a million a pieces. I don't need you asking me every five seconds how I'm feeling or if I need something, I don't need you looking at me like I'm some helpless victim" Lexie ranted as her emotions poured out of her.

Seeing the gutted look on Mark's face Lexie took a deep breath to try and calm down, "I need you to stop acting like my keeper and start acting like my boyfriend, act like the man I love and _talk _to me…not about how I'm feeling. But how you're feeling, about how your day went or even if it's just to rant about the Interns I don't care. Mark I need to find a way to move on from this, to find a way so that this accident doesn't control me…control _us _for the rest of our lives. And if we're gonna have any chance of that, any chance of moving on from this then I need to you to just stop".

"You nearly died" Mark exclaimed, his guilt quickly being replaced by anger at what Lexie had just said.

For the last eight weeks Mark and Lexie had avoided talking about the accident, neither of them wanted to deal with the consequences or face the possibility of what could have happened.

But the idea that Lexie thought Mark was coping, the idea that she believed this was all too easy on him didn't fly with Mark.

"You nearly died. You were in a car accident that nearly killed you and I couldn't do anything to save you…I'm a surgeon but I was useless" Mark argued. "For that week, for that week where I couldn't talk to you I had to face the very real possibility that you could _die_…that Gracie was going to grow up not knowing her mother…" Mark trailed.

Taking a deep breath he paced up and down the room while he tried to pull it together. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't fall to pieces because Lexie needed him to be strong but Mark was tired, he was tired of acting like the tough guy.

"I don't get a say, nobody would have asked me if I was ok with you dying…it would've just happened and I'd be powerless to stop it. So you want to know why I hover, why I'm constantly over your shoulder asking you how you feel. It's because I can't lose you, I won't survive if I do and it's your fault. I was a happy man whore until you came long. You made me love you; you made me let you in. So don't you dare tell me to just _get over it_" Mark growled.

Dropping her head in shame Lexie shook her head; she could feel her eyes prickle as the tears built up. She smiled feebly at Gracie who was pulling on her loose hair while trying to avoid Mark.

She hadn't meant for this to turn into a fight let alone make Mark feel guilty for everything that had happened. Lexie knew she was picking a fight because she was mad and frustrated with herself and because she felt so useless.

Running his hand through his fair Mark could see that Lexie was upset and that she was crying because her shoulders were gently shaking. Reaching out he gently took Gracie from her mother and put her back down in her crib so they could really talk about this.

"I'm sorry" Lexie whispered with head leaning against the headboard she looked up at the ceiling, "I'm sorry that I've been such a pain to live with".

Sitting down across from her Mark was running circle on the palm of her hand, "Lex you haven't been a pain to live with" Mark tried to reassure her but Lexie shook her head in protest.

"But I have been a pain to live with and, and I know I'm picking a fight with you because I'm scared, I get that" Lexie cried finally letting out the tears she'd been holding in.

"I just, I just don't know what I'm doing…I don't know who I am anymore" Lexie confessed as she wiped her tears away.

His heart broke seeing Lexie so upset and so confused, Mark felt like he was back inside the hospital room and completely helpless. "You, you are the woman I love…you're the mother of our child, your Lexie Grey" Mark stated with a charming smile hoping that it would cheer her up.

Closing her eyes as she took a deep breath Lexie shook her head, "right now I don't feel like that" she confessed. "I don't feel like the woman you love, I don't feel like Gracie's mom, I…I don't even feel like me anymore. Right now I feel like this useless invalid that can't do anything for herself, and I hate the fact that I have to depend on you, and Derek and Carolyn all the time. I _hate _it" Lexie sobbed with new tears running down her face.

Crawling over beside Lexie Mark threw his arm over her shoulders and pulled Lexie in closer, "why didn't you tell me this earlier?" he asked with worry.

Shaking her head Lexie buried her face in Mark's chest and sat there quietly while she cried it all out. Lexie knew that the only way she was going to get over this was by letting it all out one way or another.

Mark didn't say anything else; he knew that he didn't need to say anything else because Lexie would talk when she was ready. He knew that just being there for her when she was ready to talk was what mattered.

After a full five minutes of crying Lexie pulled away from Mark to reveal her red puffy eyes.

"The reason I didn't tell you, the reason I didn't tell you how I'm feeling is because you already have so much to deal with. You already do so much between looking after Gracie and helping me out and now the hospital, you don't…I don't want to lay all my problems on you" Lexie argued.

"Lexie I love you and part of that means you get to burden me with your problems, to tell me what you're thinking and feeling" Mark put across. Playing with her left hand Mark ran his fingertip up and down Lexie's left ring finger, he kept picturing the diamond ring that was still sitting on the top shelf of his locker.

"Besides if you can't talk to the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with then who can you talk to?" Mark joked in the hopes of making Lexie laugh and it worked.

Shaking her head in disbelief Lexie couldn't help but laugh at Mark as she buried her face in his chest again, "how did you get so good at this?" she questioned him curiously.

"Get so good at what?" Mark asked with a frown.

"At the relationship stuff…at knowing exactly what to say to make me feel better" Lexie answered.

Stretching himself out across the bed Mark gently pulled Lexie down next to him and kissed her on the forehead before tightening his grip on her.

"Because I nearly lost you twice before and I'm not about to let you go without a fight" Mark whispered with his mouth pressed down on the top of her head.

"I'm tired of fighting" Lexie mumbled groggily. She laid her head on his chest with her arms wrapped around his waist, listening to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat as it lulled her to sleep.

Reaching out Mark turned off the table lamp before pulling Lexie closer to him, "Me too" he whispered in agreement before kissing her good night.

************

**Please review and sorry I've taken a few days to update, I had a massive case of writers block but hopefully this has taken care of the situation so let me know what you think :D**


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